June 06, 2007

Do you want freedom fries with that?

The other day, I went to the bookstore to purchase George Lakoff’s book, “Whose Freedom.” The book is about republican’s warped framing of the word freedom, and how it actually curtails and devalues the idea.

On the cover is the word freedom five times. The top four are scratched out; the bottom one had bold red underlines with a big red question mark. It gets your attention.

I brought the book up to the register and the lady rings it up and says, “Would you like your freedom in a bag.” She caught herself and then said, “I mean book in a bag.” I’m not real quick on the trigger, so my lame, corny response was, “I hope it never gets to that point.”

As I was driving home, the thought came to me that I hadn’t even turned the cover and Lakoff had already made his point. Maybe, I’ll return the book since the clerk had already given me the abbreviated version.

Posted by Captain Kroc at 12:40 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 19, 2007

PSA : DON'T block Joe Pesci's driveway

Turns out that Robbie Williams lives next door to Joe Pesci. I never thought I'd hear of stranger, more dissimilar neighbors than myself and the freaks who live next door to me. They are working hard to make their house look like a crack den, despite the efforts of our HOA. Still, Robbie Williams and Joe Pesci?

Apparently, Robbie wanted to have some friends over for a soccer game. One of the players decided to park his car in a way that partially blocked Pesci's driveway.

The Goodfellas actor lives next door to the former Take That singer in the Hollywood Hills and was furious when he realised where one of Williams' pals had parked.

Williams had invited a host of his English pals to play soccer at his home, which had its own full-sized football pitch, and did not have enough driveway space to accommodate all their vehicles, much to the disdain of Pesci.

British newspaper Daily Mirror reports Pesci stormed out of his home, brandishing a golf club and shouting, "Which one of you mother****ers blocked my drive? If you don't move in 30 seconds, I'm gonna smash your windscreen."
A friend of Williams said: "At first, Robbie stood there smirking when Pesci bounded over waving a club. But he quickly realised the seriousness of the situation and ordered his pals to move their cars.

"Robbie has never had any sort of dispute with his neighbours before and has now given his mates strict instructions to steer clear of Pesci's driveway."

It's been a while since we at McBlogger have done a PSA on things not to do. So, here's a list...

1) Don't take dieting tips from Linda Harper-Brown
2) Don't take Leo Berman on a trip to South Texas
3) Don't trust Tom CradDICK
4) Don't block the bar. I mean, really, this one should be self-evident but it's surprising how many of you don't get it
5) Always wear underwear. Especially if you're going out for the night with Paris Hilton.

Posted by mcblogger at 04:37 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 20, 2006

Budding alcholism or a brilliant path to more money?

We've not posted a reader guide in a long time, mostly because we've been drinking a lot lately. Why? Because we recently developed a theory that more drinking=more money. Lo and behold, research by some, I don't know, scientists or something, shows us to be right.

Oh, by we I mean me and by us... it's me again as well. It's creative license bolstered by an assload of yummy scotch.

Two economists argue in a study to be released today that social drinkers tend to have more charisma, a fatter Rolodex and more friends than those who abstain or drink alone. That garrulousness, they say, translates into higher income — 10% more for men and 14% more for women.

So, how many 'social' drinks does it translate into? Apparently, 35 per week. More than that and the pay increase disappears, mostly because it's offset by the inevitable trip to The Betty.

So, here's the McBlogger Guide to a Better Career

  • Get a job

  • Be nice to others at aforementioned job

  • Actually do some work (strictly CYA)

  • Drink with coworkers... often
  • 35 drinks per week. No, you probably can't handle it but you can work up to it. It's 5 drinks a night, every night. Why not start now?

    Oh, and develop a taste for scotch. That's the real secret.

    Posted by mcblogger at 01:39 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

    September 01, 2006

    Babysitters : A guide for parents

    Here at McBlogger we're all about helping our fellow man. At least we are NOW since that court mandated we start issuing a series of PSA's as part of what the judiciary calls 'community service'. Or something. So, here's the first in what we're sure will be an unfortunate chain of posts basically about crap you should really already know. This time around we're covering babysitters, specifically the babysitters you, as a parent, should NOT hire to watch your repulsive children.

    Photobucket - Video and Image HostingDick 'kinky' Friedman - Do you want your kids to hate you? I mean come on, this guy's nothing but booze and cigars (unlike myself who's nothing more than booze and cigarETTES). Well, that and some really bad writing and quips. First he grosses out your kids trying to make them eat a pickled pigs foot or something that's as gross as himself. Then, he forces their eyes roll from bad one liners (the ones that would make Henny Youngman retch) so many times that there is actually damage to the optic nerve. Finally, he'll make them contemplate self immolation by READING AT LEAST ONE OF HIS BOOKS. You don't want your kids thinking about suicide... therapists are NOT cheap.

    Photobucket - Video and Image HostingDingos - Superbad idea, Mom and Dad. They ate Meryl Streep's baby in that movie, A Cry in the Dark. Or something. Anyway, these wild Australian dogs aren't like Lassie or even Ole Yeller before the hydrophoby. Please don't entrust your kids to them. It's just not their thing. Dogfights on the other hand are a different story.

    Photobucket - Video and Image HostingBuffalo Bill - If your child is heavyset then definitely a bad idea. May kill and remove large pieces of skin to complete Buttrick pattern 8811 (it's the cutest sundress you've ever seen, though it is kinda creepy that it's made outta human skin). Plus, you never know when Jodie Foster and her FBI buds are going to show up, shooting guns indiscriminately and possibly hitting your precious tykes. Not to mention adorable little Precious.

    Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting Team McBlogger - Oh, come on. Would you seriously think about hiring one of us to watch your beloved progeny? From Sister Ruth to Grimace, we're seriously not the people with whom you'd want to leave your kids. McSleaze would probably put them to work improving his yard. Or making shoes in his sweatshop. Sister Ruth would take them to a bar and educate them about all things gin, followed by a course on scotch from Barfly. As for me, I did mention I set myself on fire, right? Then there is Harry who would probably show them how to sue you for emancipation. Gen, as a mother, would probably be a good person to let watch the kids. Hell, even Spamburgler would be OK when he's not hopped up on sugar. But the rest of us? Oh. God. No.

    Photobucket - Video and Image HostingAttorney General Greg Abbott. Seriously, do you want your kids lost along with some ages old evidence that Attorney General Greg Abbott shouldn't have in the first place? Oh yeah, Mom and Dad. Attorney General Greg Abbott will put the kids to sleep alright... probably under a mountain of X-rays. Don't even think of then suing Attorney General Greg Abbott as his efforts to further 'tort reform' (which is republicanese for 'screwing the consumer') specifically exempted Attorney General Greg Abbott from being sued.

    Photobucket - Video and Image HostingTodd Staples and his giant freak head. Oh, you may think Todd's nice and all but just wait until the kids get a load of the giant freak head. Yeah, we know it makes you uneasy but you have to realize it's not about you. The giant freak head is terrifying to children. And he probably won't even let them watch TV because he's, you know, a weirdo. Just take a long look at this picture. Do you really want to trust your legacy to a mouthbreather?

    There are good and bad babysitters out there and it's important to actually check people out before you hire them. While you may have problems with Suzy The Teenage Slut sitting for your kids, you'll have more a problem with any of the people(and the animal) we've presented here.

    Posted by mcblogger at 02:01 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

    Horizontal Stripes DO Make You Look Fat

    Alright kids, it's time for "Fun Friday Fashion with Grimace."

    More evidence beneath the fold...

    Grimace had a revelation this morning when two bear friends came over to play:

    It made Grimace feel the need to reinforce the message--don't even fuckin' do it!

    Horizontal stripes make you look fucking fat and it sucks.

    You're welcome.

    Posted by grimace at 09:07 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack