April 08, 2009

Werewolf of Austin

Don't know nothing about no iambic pentameter

I saw a werewolf with a taser in his hand
Walking through the streets of SoCo in the rain
He was looking for a place with immigrants
Going to dish out that old conservative pain
Werewolf of Austin

If you see him tweeting around your bedroom door
Better not let him in
Another minority got executed late last night
Werewolf of Austin again
Werewolf of Austin

He’s the hairy headed gent who ran amuck in Hearne
Lately he’s been overheard in Manor
Better stay away from him
He’s a Bilderberger, Jim
I’d like to meet his tailor
Werewolf of Austin

Well, I saw Rick Perry walking with a queen
Doing the werewolf of Austin
Again, I saw Perry walking with a queen
Doing the werewolf of Austin
I saw a werewolf drinking a mojito at Oil Can’s
His hair was perfect
Werewolf of Austin
Adios Mofo

Posted by Captain Kroc at 10:15 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

January 08, 2009

Caption This Photo, Then Kill Yourself

Uncle O'Grimacey but rarely rises from his gin induced near-coma to do much blogging these days. But, when he does, you can bet it is going to be some masterful bullshit.

I bring ye nothing less today. It's a wee bit of a challenge. I want you to caption this photo. But before I show you the photo, I want to tell you about it. It's a photo of a Texas Congressman--Mike McCaul (who now fancies himself the Attorney General In Waiting)--and his lovely family waiting for House Speaker Nancy Pelosi to show up and do a "ceremonial swearing-in." Which is one of the asshatty things they do when you get elected to Congress.

We warn you: we didn't doctor this photo one little bit. What you see could traumatize you for a hell of a long time. But here it is:

Caption that, motherfuckers! Here are some of my ideas:

"One of Congressman Mike McCaul's youngest daughters about to vomit at the site of a Democratic congressman who happened to walk by as one of the older children looks away, and another young McCaul daughter runs to her father for comfort. The child was heard shouting, 'Daddy! There are too many socialists!' immediately before running to her father."

Or, try this one on for size:

"The daughters of Congressman Mike McCaul (R-Texas) rebel just before a ceremonial swearing-in on Capitol Hill Monday. The children were evidently upset over the fact that they were the only young Republican girls at the event whose dresses had been purchased at a South Houston quinceanera dress store."

Or this:

"A daughter of Texas Congressman Mike McCaul is possessed by a poltergeist shortly before a ceremonial swearing-in ceremony on Capitol Hill on Monday."

I look forward to your captions!

Posted by uncle at 08:11 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

December 23, 2008

Oops, Nevermind

I have to admit that until the recent brouhaha I thought Rick Warren was a marine biologist in the Jacques Cousteau tradition. Then I got new glasses and found out his book wasn't The Porpoise-Driven Life.

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 10:56 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 20, 2008

My Reaction to McCain Losing the Presidency

It went something similar to this.

Posted by spamburgler at 06:04 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

July 11, 2008

I Guess We'd Better Do Something If We Want To Keep Our Phoney Baloney Jobs

It seems that McBlogger has called me out for not posting lately. Well, to be honest, I've spent the week watching Space Week on the The Science Channel, reliving the Race to the Moon. For you youngsters, getting to the Moon before the godless commies did was a matter of life and death. Even Bob Dylan sang the consequences of failure would be "Wowee. Pretty scary". Ad frankly compared to all that the sordid political events of the last week on the old third rock from the Sun really hardly seem worth writing about... beyond wondering if any contemporary Democrat could say "We choose to do these things not because they are easy but because they are hard" with a straight face. Especially after totally surrendering the idea that we have Constitutional Rights in the FISA cave-in to the lamest of all lame duck presidents, a man whose approval ratings trail those of syphilis? I didn't think so either.

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 07:54 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

July 01, 2008

Hate Me If You Must

But I have not yet begun to blog.

A couple of days ago I wrote

...people aren't having his name tattooed on their foreheads. (Be sure to shoot me an email when that starts to happen, m'kay?)

Since then, something has been brought to my attention, which awaits in the Supersize.

WARNING: This is a graphic image which should not be viewed by children, puppies, or anyone with a soul.

Oh. My. Godzilla.


The most dedicated delegate appears to be Sam Hohneke of Muscatine; he says the Obama logo tattooed on his hip is the real thing.

Good news, ladies... he's single!

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 05:22 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

April 06, 2008

Charlton Heston Dies; Gun Finally Pried From Cold, Dead Hands

Yeah, that was tasteless, but at least Terry "Craddick is God" Keel is unlikely to have me locked up for saying it.

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 01:57 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack