McBlogger: low-calorie but still full-flavor: Cultural Slumfest Archives

May 03, 2008

Ted Nugent's Mangina

In January, 2007 we posted this about Ted Nugent. Last week, Vince with Capitol Annex emailed to let me know that we were only #2 on a Google search of 'Ted Nugent' and 'mangina'. We are, of course, planning to sue Google.

And yes, I was surprised to learn that 'Mangina' is apparently a real last name. I bet that guy NEVER got beaten up when he was a kid. Not once.

Posted by mcblogger at 11:43 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 24, 2008

Endless Party Fund To Be Wasted!!!

While protesting in the United States might seem like an act in futility perpetrated by those with too much idle time and no real sense, it can actually end up being very lucrative. How can this be, you may be asking? Well before you head to Wal-Mart and start buying up poster boards and paint, and waste two hours thinking of clever slogans condemning the relocation of your favorite animal shelter, let me tell you the caveats. You will only qualify to receive any kind of monetary reward if you are a foreign citizen protesting against a socialist dictator.

Such is the case with University student Yon Goicoechea who was awarded $500,000 dollars by the U.S. based think tank, Cato Institute. The money is part of the Milton Friedman Prize for Advancing Liberty. So what terrible dictator did Goicoechea organize against? None other than the man who called George Bush “The Devil” at a United Nations General Assembly himself, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez.

The Washington-based think tank said that Goicoechea was the leading force in the student rallies held in protest of Chavez’s proposed constitutional amendments which would allow him to run for re-election indefinitely and granted him great powers to reshape the government and economy into an even more socialist mold.

$500,000 dollars is a lot of money and I mean that could potentially mean endless keg parties. But it seems that all Yon’s protesting has fried his brain and he has chosen to use the prize money to support Venezuela's student parliament, donate to his university and former school, and support a foundation he is helping to set up that will offer training to young leaders who want to play a role in politics. What a crazy guy!

Posted by Lovelie99 at 10:45 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 14, 2008

Loving the girls from NYC

I don't know if it's just me, but I wasn't really feeling The Real Housewives of NYC. McBlogger asked me to post about it, but I was hesitant. Not because I have developed better taste in TV, but because I found it boring. Perhaps I was too loyal to my little plastic angels of the OC. Then I watched last week's episode. You know, the one with the girl's night out. Yikes. Now I can't believe we only have one episode left. Just when things were starting to get good! For those of you who haven't seen it, you simply must. Bravo is all the time running marathons, just catch one and watch the entire season. You know you have the time. Here's a rundown on the characters to give you a little more incentive...

Jill. It is a good thing that she knows that she is not deep. She is a walking, talking kiddie pool. However, the fact that she owns it made me kinda like her. She has had some of the funniest observations. Yes, obnoxious yet endearing. But what gives with the fucking dog? Does it ever occur to Jill that she is feeding steak to vermin in a designer dog collar?? Seriously, the pint sized monstrosity reminds me of that urban legend. That may be her only flaw.
Well, that and the petty crap with Ramona. First with the cooking party. She should have greeted that situation with relief. The tennis payback was hilarious. Yet she spoiled her advantage by acting like a baby at the fashion show when Ramona got a better seat. She should have stayed and had fun with her gay.

Betthany. Is it just me or does one have to have a husband and/or kid to be a housewife?? Anyway, she seems nice, but, Oy! With the crying. I can not quite figure out, how in the world of reality TV, someone with so many issues can be so boring. She eats/sleeps/breathes her boyfriend, Jason, who I imagine is just frightened of being filleted by her sharp jaw and served in some appetizers. She earned extra points with the sloppy, slurred ultimatum to move in together. Hard to guess why he passed.

Ramona. You know the Bravo casting department was creaming itself when they interviewed this lunatic. Basically her emotions range from fucking insane to unrelentingly deranged. She dresses inappropriately and embarrasses the daughter, Avery. Yep, that little whipper-snapper better look alive and pick a vocation. She is 12 so, you know, tick-tock. How could that little ingrate turn down a life hawking religious jewelry? Kids today!? Anyway, Ramona was great at the girl's night out party at Jill's. I mean, holy fuck, way to have a meltdown. Everyone has been to parties where there was somebody that they did not like. You suck it up! I have found that scotch helps considerably. Anyway, she must know she threw a nutty because she recited an obviously questionable explanation to Betthany. Yes, there is no way to hide her crazy. In fact, she really needs to stay away from the dermatologist. She looks red and chafed. I would not be surprised if by next season the tip of her nose has turned black and begun to fall off.

LuAnn. Or shall I say Mrs. deLesseps?? Or possibly 4th Countess of who gives a shit?? Apart from a few remarks she seems the most sane. Which is like being the smartest kid in special ed. She wears her entitlement as effortlessly as Ramona wears her crazy. And Betthany wears her desperation. It is a good thing LuAnn treasures the title of Countess, because she won't be receiving mother of the year. She treats her children like pets. I would not be surprised if, in the future, LuAnn's Mother's Day flowers find their way to Rosanna's doorstep. Overall she has conducted herself with the minimum of regrettable actions. She seems to mostly just revel in the insanity around her. Although, she could use some work on her tact. On girl's night, she might as well have told Ramona that she did not have any class. The conversation was so transparent that even Jill's dog knew what she
was getting at. Not that I don't agree with her, but she really didn't need to be so obvious.

Alex/Simon. Because they are the same person. No, really. Why would they want to expose themselves as the blatant social climbing poseurs that they are? I don't know. It's truly amazing that they don't suffocate in the huge dog fart of pretension that surrounds them. Perhaps it is because the foul stench permeates even the vast emptiness where their souls should reside. What moral guideposts they are for their two boys. Instead of the golden rule, they can learn how to value others based on what they can do for you... and their possessions (never forget to take a moment to covet). Oh, and something tells me Francois is not a genius. He is just a kid with a built-in high school beat down because of that stupid name. Anyway, they mingled and schemed through this season, but my favorite was girl's night. A concept which puzzled Alex. Let me settle things for those as alarmingly infantile as Alex. Girl's night means 'no men'. Basically, it means no dicks, no matter how minuscule your husband's endowment happens to be. Bring Simon to a girl's night?? Hello?? I totally cracked up when upon hearing the plans, Simon
stretched all reason in order to attend. "It would be strange now if I didn't go." Uh, no Simon. It's fucking strange that you would want to be the only man at a women's dinner party. Oh wait. Maybe Simon thought that after everyone finished eating, they might let him sniff their butts.

Finally, and just a minor point, but WHO THE HELL GOES TO THE CARIBBEAN IN AUGUST?!?!?!?!?! Jill NAILED this when they were at dinner. Next season I'll give anyone 10:1 that Jill figures them out first.

Anyway, I just want to post a reminder to tune into the season finale Tuesday night. That is, if you don't have anything more fun to do. Like a colonoscopy.

Posted by barfly at 09:55 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

April 12, 2008

Sing a song about the heartland...

Sometimes, on clear sunny mid-spring afternoons, I get a tune stuck in my head and can't get it out. When that tune sucks really hard, in a profoundly trite and soulless kind of way, I know I've stumbled upon a New Country Hit. Well, today it happened again. It's irritating as shit to have a bunch of mullet-capped racket running a feedback loop through one's brain, but why not turn these lemons into some Country Time Lemonade?*

So here's the deal. We'll turn this random and regrettable mental turd into a lucrative business opportunity. We've already got the tune but we still need some lyrics for our Grand Ole Opry gem. Of course, they've got to be commercially viable lyrics if we're going to be able to sell this thing to Nashville. That means they need to be about the superiority of living in an area predominately populated by livestock, tractors and meth labs. Or a sentimental recounting of some pious yet pithy platitude you learned from your PeePaw. Or mindless adherence to "Red State" political orthodoxy.

It just so happens that in the time I've sat here in my office chair typing, I think I may have come up with a chorus that fits into that last category. Send in your suggestions for the verses' lyrics and we'll see if we can't sell it to Nashville. Proceeds will go to the McBlogger staff hospitality fund (direct donations may also be sent c/o Mother Egan's). Here's what we've got so far:

It's called the Patriot Act, so let's act Patriotic
Wave the flag and vote like you're robotic
That dang Saddam Hussein can't commandeer our planes again
(insert krappy kountry guitar lick here as bridge to second part of chorus)
Let's nuke Iran 'til they're back to sticks and rocks
Stay informed with Hume and Hannity on FOX
Support our troops and put a ribbon magnet on your new dualie
(brief fiddle interlude, also crappy, then onto next stanza)

*How many times while driving through rural America do you see small-town restaurants and gift shops, inevitably with "country" in their name, try and get cute by misspelling 'country' with a "k"? Just once I'd like to see somebody sport some faux-illiterate "country" signage that gets the 'C' right but mistakenly omits the 'O' and goes straight to the 'U'. Betcha one of them there Stuckey's pecan rolls it'll never ever happen.

Posted by hbalczak at 11:21 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 10, 2008

You're STILL here?

Two years ago, the mother of some little freakshow (we'll call her Mama Freakshow) tried to sue MySpace because her special princess hooked up with some perv and MySpace DID NOTHING TO PREVENT IT. Because parenting Mama Freakshow's kid was not so much their job.

Who knew?Oh, wait... I DID. So did a judge. Then another one. Now La Familia Freakshow is back, this time in FEDERAL APPEALS COURT fighting for the right to sue MySpace and make sure that they start protecting all the little fat girls who lie and say they are 18 so they can attract an older guy with a mullet and a 1986 Fiero. I'm sure that's it. It has nothing to do with that $30 million they hope to be awarded.

Cause they're totally giving that money away. Just like I'm going to start 'sharing' and 'playing well with others'.

Posted by mcblogger at 10:34 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Absolut Stupidity

In a new Absolut Vodka ad, there is a map of North America which shows Mexico with territory it lost to the US during the Mexican American War more than 160 years ago. The ad is for the Mexican market and obviously designed to appeal to Mexican consumers. It's a jingoistic thing. Think American flags and Chevy trucks. Get it? You can move a lot of product appealing to national pride. And if you can set the whole thing to a John Cougar Mellencamp song then you, my friend, are about to have a STELLAR quarter.

Michelle Malkin, since she has a say in how Absolut markets it's vodka and is responsible to the owners of the company, feels like she should have a say in how the vodka is marketed. According to her,the ad was in poor taste. She is of course livid about the whole thing. Shelly's also threatening a boycott of the company. Because they'll really be hurting if Malkin and her followers stop taking their annual bird sips of vodka. It's not like they drink Absolut, anyway. They probably like more exotic all-American brands like McCormick or Vladimir. The kind that comes in the plastic bottles.

Malkin, your readers are trash. A boycott by them will have a minimal economic impact. This ad is a sign of a company wanting to sell vodka to people dumb who buy the advert. Nothing more.

Posted by mcblogger at 08:31 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

March 31, 2008

Notes Towards A Grand Unified Conspiracy Theory

The McBlogger-sponsored Free Chips and Salsa Resolution mysteriously "disappeared" before it could be considered by delegates at the Travis County Democratic Convention this weekend, no doubt due to the nefarious actions of the secretive Pay For Chips Lobby. Meanwhile, City Council candidate Randi Shade claims to love queso but has so far remained silent on the salsa issue.

Connect the dots, people! Connect. The. Dots.

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 03:42 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Oh, this could be good!

The Supreme Court is reconsidering the FCC's ban on profanity over the airwaves. FUCK YEAH!

Posted by mcblogger at 09:29 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

March 27, 2008

Dances With Moms (and Dads)

Creep-o-fucking-rama

Watch as 5 boys show off their oedipal complexes, while 5 girls compete to be Daddy's Special Girl! In this reality series, some of America's hottest dancers auditioned for a chance to be a part of a new dance competition show under the pseudonym "ParentFucker," but they had no idea what was really in store for them. They soon discovered that they'd be working with a partner and that their partner would be one of their parents! Gross, right? Fridays at 9 E/P

Posted by mcblogger at 08:43 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

March 26, 2008

Federbag and Paris Hilton join forces

Kevin Federbag inexplicably turned 30 recently which completely contradicts my mother's theory that 'what goes around, comes around'. Federbag, the celebridouche golddigger, also announced that he and Paris Hilton will be joining forces to create what will surely be the most loathesome human on the face of the planet.

Posted by mcblogger at 12:33 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

March 15, 2008

...And the sun also sets

It's always sad when something you really dig starts to, well, suck. Now I guess I know how some of you readers must feel.

If you, like me, are a connoisseur of excellent television, then you've probably discovered the brilliance that is The Bad Girls Club on Oxygen. What an amazing concept... bitches, really mean and nasty bitches, taken out of their ordinary trash environment and forced to live with other trash bitches. Fucking brilliance, I tell you!

And now the ride is over. On the episode this week, they threw out the queen of the bitches, Jennavecia. Which means the conflict is gone and replaced with stoopid laughter and 'getting along'. The preview for the next episode promises some conflict... I may watch it. I may not. I don't think any one of these morons could out badass Jennavecia.

Oh, and Tenisha, brush those fucking cookie crumbs off your boobs. You're gross. Especially when you wax your face.

Posted by mcblogger at 11:48 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

March 10, 2008

Why do YOU enjoy fucking?

No, no... serious question time. Why do you enjoy fucking (or, if you're lame, sex or if you're a hopeless romantic AND lame, 'making love')? Is it the post-coital cigarette? The jewelry? Or the afterglow? Is it the orgasmic release or is it the nice long cry (that's for you Republicans... the only people I've had cry were Republicans. What IS it with y'all)? Are you doing it to have yet another kid? If so, we have to ask... are you really that comfortable burdening the earth with yet another mouth to feed? More importantly, do you intend to take said child to the movies while still an obnoxious and LOUD toddler? Will you choose to sit behind me in the aforementioned movie?

Do you really enjoy the cuddling? Or spooning, if you prefer? The money? What IS it that makes you really enjoy getting off? Hit us up in the comments or email us if you're too scared and want it posted anonymously.

Posted by mcblogger at 09:28 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

February 01, 2008

New Republican group to dump money into negative ads

Looks like there are some really rich fat, white people looking to become VERY public. And very unpopular. That's typically what happens when you start playing in politics with heavily negative groups. Like Freedom's Watch. Fresh off their unsuccessful campaign to 'catapult the propaganda' on the surge, they're now trying to scare people about illegal aliens.

Because that's worked so well for the Republicans. Their only success so far was the election of Robert Latta. In a 64% Republican OH district. Against a D who has run three times and was significantly underfunded. And may, in fact, have been mostly dead.

At this point I have to wonder, why would these people still be in business? 9/11 helped Ari's career because Bush was popular afterward. Now, Ari's real lack of talent is showing as is his rank incompetence. So who the hell would continue funding this ridiculously bad PR firm? Why none other than gambling-meister Sheldon Adelson, the billionaire chair of the Las Vegas Sands Corp. which owns the Venetian Hotel. Guess I'll be staying at the Bellagio next time I go to Vegas.

January 28, 2008

Be Prepared

It wouldn't be a State of the Union address without a drinking game, would it? And while getting shitfaced, why not keep score with this handy SOTU Bingo card?

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 03:02 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

January 16, 2008

What Tom Cruise is up to RIGHT.THIS. MINUTE.

Apparently a clip of a 2004 Scientology recruitment film has hit the web that features Tom Cruise.

Now, I guess I like Tom just as much as the average American gal. Well... to be honest, I loved him in 'Magnolia', but I have to admit I'm not a huge fan. And I don't know jack shit about Scientology. I have never filled out some whacked out personality test, or been chased down the street by one of their indoctrinated victims. However, I don't think I have anything in my life so strangely disturbing, yet completely lame. Way to 'do something' Tom! Cheers!

Posted by barfly at 09:17 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

January 05, 2008

Thank you, Canada

Maybe it is just me, but I always have to give this little shout out whenever I stumble across Howie Mandel, Martin Short, or that fucker from 'Honey, I Shrunk the Kids'. I even have to say it whenever I hear that pretentious little whiner, Avril Lavigne. However, I think we all can agree that the major prize is Celine Dion. My reason is not the song from 'Titanic'. No, for me it will always be her grating, nasally voice on 'It's All Coming Back To Me Now', which got just as much airplay, or at least it seemed that way to me. I think that's why I enjoy this so much.

So whenever Celine kicks up my acid reflux, I just take a deep breath, and try to remember others that have come our way from the great white north. John Candy, Nelly Furtado, Ryan Gosling, Dan Akroyd, and, hell, even William Shatner.

And I guess we can all take a little Celine Dion in return for Samantha Bee.

Posted by barfly at 11:53 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

January 04, 2008

Customers Who Bought Items Like This Also Bought...

Currently 131 customer reviews of the Bic Pen...

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
Use caution in a medical setting, 24 Dec 2007
By Dr. Brown (USA) - See all my reviews

As a physician, life and death decisions are a daily occurrence. On rare days when no such decision avails itself, I go to the nearest seafood restaurant and solemnly point to the most spiteful-looking lobster and laugh menacingly as he is removed from the tank.

Nonetheless, one day I was using my Bic Crystal ballpoint pen, medium point, black, on rounds. On approach to the nurse station, a rather attractive young hire pointed out that I had a thermometer on my ear. I could only summon the wherewithal to observe that some arse must have my pen.

Please also note that the main difference between this instrument and a rectal thermometer is the taste.

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 12:16 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 30, 2007

Guys With Armored Cars Get All The Chicks

Focus groups found this 78% more effective than the Royal Navy's old recruiting slogan "Rum, Sodomy and the Lash!"

If you think that was enticing, you should see the video marketing has whipped up for the Ukrainian pizza delivery service.

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 09:30 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 23, 2007

The New Phone Books Are Here!

I still haven't finished last year's.

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 01:23 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 15, 2007

Bitch mother craps all over Christmas

What a cow...

The highlight of the day will be a low-fat macrobiotic feast prepared by their chef.
(Neither Ritchie nor Madonna cook.)

It is highly unlikely to feature turkey, as Madonna has issues with the rearing and slaughtering of poultry.

Instead of a festive bird, the "feast" will be mostly based around grains - such as quinoa - and vegetables.

Associates indicate that there will be a small amount of unsalted meat for the children and for Guy; but salty, fatty treats such as chipolatas and stuffing are completely out.

Indeed, the festive season is seen by Madonna as no excuse to stint on her punishing health regime.

She has even hired a nutritionist to advise on her children's food.

Macrobiotic feast? What the hell is that? All you can eat spirulina?These poor children are going to be so deranged when they actually try to enter society thanks to dear old mom.

Posted by mcblogger at 02:24 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Bitch mother craps all over Christmas

What a cow...

The highlight of the day will be a low-fat macrobiotic feast prepared by their chef.
(Neither Ritchie nor Madonna cook.)

It is highly unlikely to feature turkey, as Madonna has issues with the rearing and slaughtering of poultry.

Instead of a festive bird, the "feast" will be mostly based around grains - such as quinoa - and vegetables.

Associates indicate that there will be a small amount of unsalted meat for the children and for Guy; but salty, fatty treats such as chipolatas and stuffing are completely out.

Indeed, the festive season is seen by Madonna as no excuse to stint on her punishing health regime.

She has even hired a nutritionist to advise on her children's food.

Macrobiotic feast? What the hell is that? All you can eat spirulina?These poor children are going to be so deranged when they actually try to enter society thanks to dear old mom.

Posted by mcblogger at 02:24 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 14, 2007

Dumbasses In The News

No, this is not about the Legislature.

Man Accidentally Shoots Self In Buttocks

(Important to contrast this accident with the recent rash of deliberate self buttock shooting lately I guess.)

Scottsdale police Sgt. Mark Clark said Daniel Leatherman, 26, heard a disturbance outside his apartment and saw a man he knew fighting with a cab driver.

Leatherman told police that the man, Cody Nunn, 25, had assaulted him in the past, so he grabbed his gun and went outside.

Leatherman told police that he accidentally dropped the gun while hiding it behind his back and shot himself in the derriere.

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 01:05 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 13, 2007

Joe Horn and the case of the premeditated murder

Joe Horn recently shot and killed two people who were leaving the scene of a burglary. Sounds OK, right? Well, not really. See it wasn't his house that was burgled and he wasn't in any sort of danger. In fact, he was in his own house, safe behind locked doors, watching the whole thing while on the phone with police who had already dispatched officers. He then left that house, after saying "I'm going to kill them". This clearly wasn't a life or death situation for Horn, it was an ambush.

Apparently, things have continued to slide downhill in Pasadena which is normally the way things go in the thrid world. Recently, a member of the Black Panthers came to Pasadena to protest in front Joe Horn's house. His neighbors and assorted other trash didn't like that. Counting the fat white people in this video is about like counting stars at night.

And now, of course, it's in the NYT. Don't think you're too superior, New Yorkers. Pasadena is like our version of Buffalo. Or Rochester.

Posted by mcblogger at 10:34 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 12, 2007

Who is the most bored of John Cusack? You, me or him?

After I first blogged about old Johnny and that sentimental tripe 'Martian Child', I suffered some remorse. Not about that particular movie, which I am fairly certain will be as craptastic as it's trailer. No, days later, I saw the trailer for 'Grace is Gone'.

I said to myself 'Holy fuck, you've gone and made fun of the asshole, and now he will be nominated for a fucking award.' Not win, mind you, but be nominated for one. As things are going though, that seems pretty far from certain. Anyway, I actually wanted to see this depress'o'rama. However, this gives me pause.

Now, I understand that nobody wants to be judged by something they did years ago, but COME ON! He is totally dissing 'Better Off Dead'. He sucks! I swear to all that is holy, if I ever run into the motherfucker, however slight that chance may be, he'll be getting another 'Two dollars'! Nothing I like better than pissing someone off, especially pretentious fucks who don't seem to understand that it's the movies he hates that really were his best.

Oh, Fuck. Don't tell me you thought Must Love Dogs was good.

Posted by barfly at 01:07 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 11, 2007

Cougars on holiday in Kenya

Just when you thought it was safe to go to Africa...

Bethan, 56, lives in southern England on the same street as best friend Allie, 64.
They are on their first holiday to Kenya, a country they say is "just full of big young boys who like us older girls."

Hard figures are difficult to come by, but local people on the coast estimate that as many as one in five single women visiting from rich countries are in search of sex.

Allie and Bethan -- who both declined to give their full names -- said they planned to spend a whole month touring Kenya's palm-fringed beaches.

A whole month touring beaches? Like hell. These two cougars are spending all their time sexing up every hot young stud they can find. Which makes me think of Cocoon for some reason.

And that makes me want to retch. Either that or buy a ticket for Kenya. I honestly can't decide.

Posted by mcblogger at 04:40 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 06, 2007

It's all in the body language

¿Quien es más macho?

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 06:20 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 30, 2007

Britney's got smells

No. No, I can't leave the bitch alone, mostly because she keeps doing dumb shit like making music and babies. And now, in cooperation with someone clearly crazy at Elizabeth Arden, perfume.

$10 says that one or both of these scents smells like her nasty cooter. After Kevin's... well, you get the idea.

Posted by mcblogger at 10:10 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 27, 2007

Juxtaposing

I have very rarely watched the Sundance channel. In the past, I've caught movies like 'Dogville' but I've never been a real fan. However, when the first season of Iconoclasts came on, I made it a point to tune in and check it out. It wasn't long before I gave up. It took a near-Herculean level of endurance for the tedious and
mundane. Oh, and at one point, Michael Stipe. I just did not have it in me. I have not attempted it since. In fact, when I was channel surfing with McBlogger last weekend, he queried about it. I told him that it is a show about someone you don't care about meeting with someone you care about even less.

However, like Baby's father in 'Dirty Dancing', when I am wrong, I say I'm wrong. On further investigation, it appears that they have had some fairly interesting people and pairings. They are currently wrapping up Season 3. Frankly, I have no idea what Madeleine Albright has to say to Ashley Judd, but I fully intend to find out. What the hell!

Posted by barfly at 12:51 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 25, 2007

All over this land

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 08:28 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 14, 2007

Oh. God. Why do this to us?

Right now, there are people walking around, talking and taking in oxygen that thought this was a good idea.

Posted by barfly at 08:04 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 12, 2007

They say if all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail

Man Hospitalized After Using Shotgun To Loosen Lug Nut

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 03:48 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 08, 2007

It's back to the OC...

Well, season 3 of 'The Real Housewives Of The O.C.' premiered this week , and all seems well. It appears they followed basic logic, and gave little Josephine the boot. I wish I could say that I am sorry to see her go, but nope. And BONUS, her absence guarantees a Sladeless season, so yay us!

Vicki is back and with her everything that is gross and wildly inappropriate. She is such a fucking emotional terrorist with her kids. This modern day Medea's weapon of choice is the pocketbook. She merrily handed the keys of a Mercedes to her daughter, Briana, for the small price of controlling every aspect of her life. Poor Briana. Heaven knows that girl is more normal than she has any right to be. It's not just that Vicki wants to live her life through her daughter. She wants to burrow up her asshole. And is it just me, or is Vicki jealous of Briana's boyfriend? She is so creepy with this shit that I felt my skin crawl during that awful/painful/sick lunch date. Yuck.

Tammy is a far different enabler/mother. Her two girls have recently lost their father. They are obviously having difficulty with it which sucks. Bummer. What's really a crapper is, with no last will and testament, their dad's young Thai bride gets everything. It seems the mail order wench wasted no time in showing her beloved stepdaughters the door. Not a bummer, because, frankly, I find it somewhat amusing.

Speaking of brides, Lauri is still headed down the aisle with dumb as a box of hair George. I've said it before, but what a fucking mark! She thinks someone was watching over her when she met George. I'm sure it was the divine Goddess of Mammoplasty. So basically, they are planning the wedding, and blending their two families. The girls are getting along great. No mention of Lauri's son, but my money is on contract killing. When Lauri speculates on her future marital happiness, she must see her son as the black stone rune in the divining bag.

Not that she is the only one with questionable kids. Jeana is back and breaking out of her shell. I must admit, she has kinda grown on me. However, her sons are still repulsive. It takes a mother to greet Shane's return with such enthusiasm. Most would find it akin to a herpes outbreak, but whatever. Poor Cara is the only saving grace. It seems both boys are complete assholes. Growing up with that shitty father must have been like attending a charm school but in reverse.

The real event is the debut of the latest housewife, Tamra. She's turning 40, but still believes she is the hottest housewife in the O.C. Admittedly, she is pretty hot, be it in a 'ho for sho' kinda way. I find her somewhat yawn inducing. Oh, and what was with her 21 year old son running around with her underwear? Her response? "You punk." Huh?... Anyway, I am still optimistic. She looks like she might be luscious, so that's good. Looks like we are in for a great season! Cheers!

Posted by barfly at 05:44 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

It's back to the OC...

Posted by barfly at 05:44 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

October 27, 2007

You just know this will be at Whataburger soon

From Forbes

CKE's Hardee's began serving its new Country Breakfast Burrito to the dismay of health nuts everywhere. The so-called breakfast sandwich contains bacon, sausage, ham, cheese, potatoes and gravy. With 920 calories and 60 grams of fat the sandwich accounts for approximately two-thirds of an average person's daily caloric intake, according to the U.S. government's Center for Nutrition Policy and Promotion.
St. Louis-based Hardee's makes no apologies for its new burrito. Marketing chief Brad Haley said: "The burrito offers the sort of big breakfast item normally found in sit-down restaurants with an added advantage. It makes this big country breakfast portable."

But health advocacy groups disagree. Jayne Hurley, the senior nutritionist of The Center for Science in the Public Interest called the burrito "another lousy invention by a fast-food company."

"We don't try to hide what these are," said Haley. "When consumers go to other fast-food places they feel like they've got to buy two of their breakfast sandwiches or burritos to fill up. This is really designed to fill you up." Hardee's is known for marketing to young males whose primary concern is for size and taste, not nutrition. Products like the Monster Thickburger are not intended for the health conscious consumer.

'Really designed to fill you up' and make you a giant fatass.

Posted by mcblogger at 10:45 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

October 23, 2007

Britney. Arrested. Again.

This time, it's for hit and run...

The charges stem from an Aug. 6 wreck during which paparazzi filmed Spears steering her car into another vehicle as she tried to turn into a spot in a Studio City parking lot. The video showed her walking away after assessing the damage to her own car.
The owner of the other car, Kim Robard-Rifkin, filed a police report three days later.

Would someone please just beat this bitch down?

Posted by mcblogger at 02:51 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 18, 2007

Is that a gavel in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?

Ground control to Speaker Tom, we know you're proud of it, but are you sure you want to look so demented in the picture you paste on your emails?

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 03:14 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 11, 2007

Let's Talk About Bouncing Boobs

Oh, my goodness. A story on msnbc.com just for me, boobilicious! All about bouncing boobs. How much do your boobs weigh? Factoid: D-cup gals have boobs that weigh 20 lbs! Takes a man with big hands to handle those.

And, did you know that when you run, your boobs bounce around in a figure eight pattern? The math behind this turns out to be:

During walking exercise, the women's breasts moved relatively the same amount in all directions. But when participants sped up to a jog or run, their breasts moved proportionally more in some directions than others: More than 50 percent of the total movement was in the up-down direction, 22 percent side-to-side and 27 percent in-and-out.

I did my own little physics experiment and discovered that when you sit on your ass and blog, there is a 100% downward motion of the boobs.

Posted by Boobilicious at 09:44 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

September 06, 2007

Ugly

This is the Tribute Patchwork. Louis Vuitton has created 24 of these little disasters. At $52,500 a piece. Still more proof that money can't buy taste. Apparently, neither can celebrity. Beyonce was one of the lucky 24.

Hope you ladies are happy with your bags. Marc Jacobs is using your money as his cockwipe.

Posted by mcblogger at 01:59 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

August 25, 2007

When celebrities refuse to die

Sometimes it's too easy...

Apparently, Ted Nugent, at a recent concert, boldly told the audience of meatheads there to see him perform (wanna bet there was an overabundance of garbage men and relatively few doctors?) that Obama and Hillary should suck on his machine guns. He did this, of course, because sadly Ted lost his penis while he was doing a brief stint in gay porn in the early 90's. It was a truly tragi-comic rimming accident that only could have happened to the Nuge. Not having a penis, he invests his machine guns with his manhood. Thus, the comment. Don't feel too bad... it wasn't much of a loss if you know what I mean (girls talk, Ted).

Of course, why on earth he'd want head from Obama and Hillary remains a mystery. I wouldn't let either of them near my cock. I would, however, fuck the shit out of Mitt Romney.

What? Ever donkey punch someone? Trust me, it's not something you do to someone you really want to emotionally 'connect'.

Posted by mcblogger at 11:44 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

July 19, 2007

From the Dept. of Shocking Developments

Apparently, Republicans LOVE sucking them some cock...

(h/t to Sister Ruth for calling tonight to tell me about this and ask if this was normal. Dumbass)

Posted by mcblogger at 09:35 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

June 30, 2007

What's in a hand?

According to New York Magazine, more than likely your sexual orientation. The magazine has an exhaustive series on 'gayness' generally and more specifically on the genetic characteristics that differentiate gays and lesbians from heterosexuals (AKA, breeders). Here are a few characteristics found more often, for example, in gay men than in straight men:

1) Counterclockwise hair 'whorl'.
2) Being left handed
3) Index finger being longer than or as long as ring finger

Granted, none of these things are complete and total proof. For example, I know many left handed men who like to go downtown, if you know what I mean. Ewe. Straight boys are gross. However, if you have all three of these traits, send me an email and maybe we can meet for a drink, handsome!

The article delves into possible biological reasons for homosexuality as well as a cursory analysis of genetic underpinnings for homosexuality and the ethics of genetically engineering homosexuality away. The bottom line? We don't know enough and changing a child's genetics in utero is probably a bad idea. What if the purpose of homosexuality is to provide a break in certain genetic lines? What if homosexuals are in some way essential to humanity's survival as a species? What if the world becomes heterosexual only? Can you imagine the garish fashion and drab design??!?!

What those interviewed did seem to know is that the evidence all points to a genetic predisposition. Which is probably what Falwell recently found out when he finally met God. He probably also got reprimanded for pretending to talk to him all those years.

Posted by mcblogger at 04:04 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

June 23, 2007

Jake and Reese breakup?

Oh, come on... it's not like they were really together. We all know that Jake has been seeing Austin...

Posted by mcblogger at 04:57 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

June 15, 2007

A heartwarming video...

about The Celebuslut's time in jail...

Posted by mcblogger at 08:56 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

June 11, 2007

YOU KNOW WHO finds God in jail

By Wednesday she'll be a Muslim.

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 07:53 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

June 09, 2007

It's about time, HBO

In case you are living in a hole somewhere, 'The Sopranos' started airing the second half of its final season a few weeks ago and will wrap up on Sunday. All I have to say is it is about fucking time! Between the hiatus' before and during season six, it is somewhat surprising that anyone gives a shit anymore. Don't get me wrong, it's a good show that will be sorely missed once season six comes to an end. It has had such interesting story arcs and wonderful characters. My favorite has always been Silvio Dante. Who can forget how he handled Tony's Russian girlfriend, Irina, in season 2. "You got a short window. It's not good to get too hung up on any one thing." I loved it! If I could kill a character it would be a toss up between A.J. and Janice. They both suck. Anyway, just in case you feel the need for a stroll down memory lane (just in time for the finale on Sunday), here's the entire series. In seven minutes.

Posted by barfly at 11:32 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

June 01, 2007

How could you NOT trust a guy nicknamed "Big Weasel"?

California, you've broken my heart!

The founder of an anti-gang group called No Guns was arrested for allegedly selling firearms to federal undercover agents.

Hector ``Big Weasel'' Marroquin, 51, was arrested Thursday at his Downey home on charges of selling an assault rifle, a machine gun, two pistols and two silencers, said Susan Raichel, a spokeswoman for the federal Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms.

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 04:44 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 30, 2007

In honor of...

Lindsay Lohan's most recent bender, we give you an old fave...

Posted by mcblogger at 09:15 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 18, 2007

Shame

Yes, I am covered in shame. I am completely embarrassed that I am SO FUCKING GOING TO GO SEE THIS!

Would it not be totally awesome if they used 'Touch' by Stan Bush from the animated movie in this new film? You know, the song that was performed so brilliantly by Dirk Diggler in 'Boogie Nights'. You have to admit it would be a special fucking touch! Perhaps 'Nothin's Gonna Stand in Our Way' by Spectre General...? Thoughts?

Posted by barfly at 03:22 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 16, 2007

Being Bobby Brown Being An Asshole

A British crew, while filming Bobby Brown for what we must assume is one of the most tedious shows on television in the UK, caught this...

Host Jamie Campbell made a joke about having not yet attempted any "sex moves" on the star - in spite of the pair having spent 12 hours together.
Brown responded, "What the f**k do you mean sex moves? Are you gay?

"On live Tv I will f**k you up. Do you know how I could f**k you up in here?

Do you know that? Are you gay? I think you're less of a man for not answering.

"You know what would be more of a joke? If this 24 hours ended right now. I will whoop your a** in here, thoroughly."

Don't the people who decide what to put on TV in the UK realize that Bobby Brown is a former celebrity which makes him about as important as the jackass who does jingles for companies that sell vinyl siding?

Posted by mcblogger at 03:53 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Yah, and it was extra-spicy too

You can't be too careful when General Tso is operating in your vicinity.

Fargo police responded to a report of a suspicious package Tuesday night near the downtown post office.

A bomb squad robot was called in to move the bag before it was detonated by a water cannon about 10 p.m., Stone said.

“It turned out to be Chinese take-out food,” he said.

The roads were reopened and the post office resumed its normal operations shortly afterward, Stone said.

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 10:44 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

May 14, 2007

Gay baggage at carousel A

Imagine getting off a long flight, waiting for your baggage with your boyfriend and hearing on the airport PA system that gays should be put to death. That happened to one gay couple in Broward County, FL. last week. Now, the person responsible has been fired.

Good.

Superior Aircraft Services Monday took action and fired Jethro Monestime, a 23-year-old employee who last week played an anti-gay passage from the Bible's Book of Leviticus over the PA system at the Ft. Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport twice. Coincidentally (or not so coincidentally) Anthony Niedwiecki (left) and his partner Waymon Hudson had just arrived at the airport's baggage claim, where they heard the message.
According to what Niedwiecki told Towleroad shortly after the incident, "It was a recorded message and basically said that 'a man who lies with another man as he would a woman is subject to death.'"

One last time... keep your religious beliefs out of my life, OK?

Posted by mcblogger at 09:35 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 13, 2007

Fearless leader photo op of the week

Shay, shweetheart, wha's a nice girl like you doin' in a dump like thish? Heh heh heh.

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 03:57 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 10, 2007

Worst.Song.Ever

Seriously douche, this is why you're fucking lame. I'm not posting the youtube embedded player on this one. I don't want to irritate the Mayor. Just click the link and listen to the stupid.

What am I, alone here? If this is all it takes to succeed in music today then you can totally expect my 'Duets with Stylist' to hit the stores soon. Stylist's english is not all that great, but her ability to curse in cantonese AND taiwanese will make our album far superior to the one done by some asshat walking around saying "this is why I'm hot".

Mims. Dork.

Posted by mcblogger at 10:25 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 02, 2007

It has come to this?

"Shear Madness"? A TV show about haircuts?

Fuck me and feed me fish heads!

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 08:03 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 25, 2007

Alec Baldwin and his demon child...

Go, on... listen to it.

To all of you who think Baldwin should be beaten, grow.the.fuck.up. This isn't an 'out of control' parent, this is a parent that's pissed at the juvenile antics of his kid. Have a we really reached the point where some of y'all are so thin skinned that you can't handle someone calling their kid a 'rude little pig'? Trust us, your kid probably isn't the baby angel you think. Doesn't look like Ireland is, either. You know how I know? Because I was a rotten kid as well. Only difference is that my parents were totally on to my bullshit.

Honestly, Barfly and I have both heard worse. Any nutty my mom's thrown over the years far exceeds a shouting voice mail. And we'd have just laughed at 'rude little pig'.

Posted by mcblogger at 11:30 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack