July 10, 2010

We Do These Things Not Because They Are Easy, But Because They Are Hard To Prove Beyond A Reasonable Doubt

image descriptionSo, the other night McBlogger sends me this link and suggests, nay BEGS me to mock the latest in crappy food ideas. Well, my first reaction is, "this is exactly the sort of thing I expected would happen with Obama. Don't blame me, I voted for Hillary." Besides, I've already delivered my contractually obligated post for the week.

Later that night I see that Colbert has a piece on it, though, and it turns out that like everything else these days even the Candwich is tainted by financial scandal. Watch it here, if you want. No, I'm not going to try to explain it to you myself, do I look like Paul freaking Krugman?

You know, when I was just growing up Chef Boy-Ar-Dee had already mastered putting a spaghetti-like substance in a can. By the time I was in high school, Pringles was canning something that looked similar to a potato chip. But now, while I'm counting down the days till I start collecting Social Security this country can't even stick a peanut butter and jelly facsimile inside tin without someone ending up in court?

It's enough to make me long for the heady days of the Cold War. You can bet that JFK would have had our best food delivery scientists working round the clock on the Candwich problem, lest the Russkies get their Borscht In A Box on collective farmers' shelves first.

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July 09, 2010

How much is that doggie in the window?

Soon, asking a question like that in Stalingrad On The Bay might book you into the Hotel Graybar.

Sell a guinea pig, go to jail.

That's the law under consideration by San Francisco's Commission of Animal Control and Welfare. If the commission approves the ordinance at its meeting tonight, San Francisco could soon have what is believed to be the country's first ban on the sale of all pets except fish.

That includes dogs, cats, hamsters, mice, rats, chinchillas, guinea pigs, birds, snakes, lizards and nearly every other critter, or, as the commission calls them, companion animals.

The good news is that humans will still be bought and sold like the fungible commodities they are.

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July 06, 2010

One hell of a five finger discount

You gotta hand it to a crook good enough to con their way into a solo test drive...at a used car lot.

Once there, the couple told Romano that they no longer wanted to do business with him or Action Motors, the affidavit said. Romano drove his vehicle back to Action Motors and the couple approached Texas Central Motors salesman Mehrdad Mohebi and asked about a test drive. According to the warrant, Green told Mohebi that his girlfriend had recently inherited a large sum of money and was looking to buy a car.

You know, this sounds all the more plausible when you realize that most people, upon inheriting a large sum of money, make a beeline for a USED CAR LOT.

Of course, there was one critical flaw in the deal... Green left his drivers license. So, yeah, if you're going to steal a car I don't think you'd need to solicit the advice of the brilliant H. Balczak to know that it's a super bad idea to leave your license.

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June 07, 2010

ZOMG!!! Is that J Lo's Ass?

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No, it turns out it's just a hole in the ground.

Given that this happened a week or so ago, I wasn't even going to post this, but then last night I learned that McBlogger Himself had missed the story. So I'm doing this as a public service for any of the rest of you who may have spent all your time watching Bill White YouTube videos or Bad Girls Club or something.

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May 17, 2010

Dull, lifeless and lackluster... and that's just Kim!

Most of you already know this but for those that don't (or need a reminder), I'm a huge fan of porno, but even I have to draw the line. F-list celebrity Kim Kardashian and some guy with a famous sister made a porno that, honestly, is so boring and without energy that it would drive a virgin to ask, "Yeah. So what's the big deal?"

If you're just desperate to rub one out, click here and prepare to be underwhelmed much like that time your grandparents took you to Aquarena Springs or some other similarly stale 'amusement' park.

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April 28, 2010

The CW aims low, hits 'High Society'

tinsley.jpgHas anyone watched this? I was already aware of Tinsley Mortimer before she began ger tragicomic turn on 'High Society'. A few years back I read a short article on her in Vogue and gleaned from it that she was a dainty, frilly thing that swathed herself in frothy pink Marchesa confections and ate tea cakes. A real, live modern day Miss Muffet, if you'll allow. But now, thanks to the CW (and God's punishment), we can all be privy to all things Tinsley, along with the dog turds who make up her deranged coterie.

Tinsley has left her husband and is starting a new life. She seems nice but idiotic. I've never been married, so I'm no expert on relationships. However, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that if you have to press your cleaning lady to the point of her obvious discomfort on whether you should reconcile with your estranged husband, you have issues. Just saying. I'm all for starting over, but it seems her only objectives are to hawk tacky studded handbags and make out with Constantine from 'American Idol'. I don't think I'm alone in saying "Ewww" to the latter. At least she is more interesting than her sister. Her sister makes the chicks from 'Fly Girls' look complex.
The real red meat of the show hinges upon the maniacal rantings of Paul Johnson Calderon, an effeminate cackling monster whose only real claim to fame appears to be circling Tinsley in a tight orbit. When he's not throwing drinks in peoples faces, the little bow tied menace is tearing down sconces. Yes, sconces. I do enjoy his comments though, especially when they are coherent. It's also fun to watch as he bilks his mother for thousands of dollars which, upon receipt, he throws away on liquor, ridiculous clothing, and his model zombie boyfriend. I don't think the stylist career is going to happen unless he finds clients who want to look like Erkel. With perhaps some stringy black hair trim for the ladies.

His nemesis, Jules Kirby, is an endearing little shitbag with the heart of a neo-Nazi. Now, don't be fooled! She does not dislike blacks and Jews. Don't be deceived by the CW's tricky editing! The real truth is she hates blacks, Jews, fat people, and generally anyone not equally wealthy. Oh, and maids. The sad thing is that even the female equivalent of Archie Bunker has friends and enjoys an active social life. Despite the fact that she looks like she's been rode hard and put up wet, she is doted upon as to leave no doubt that the little bitch has more money than God. What she doesn't have apparently is a PR person, or a fucking parent, to reign in her incredibly offensive behavior. The only good thing I can say about her is she's not Devorah Rose.

Oh, Devorah Rose. What a sad, odd looking, little creature. She's like a troll doll that has been left outside and warped by the sun. She would provoke viewer pity if she weren't such a soulless sycophant. Her moronic sense of entitlement is bested only by her thirst for notoriety. Frankly, I think anyone who talks about going to 'war' with anyone is an imbecile that should be shot at point blank range. Especially when your target is as inane as Tinsley fucking Mortimer. It's like proving how important you are by kicking a Pomeranian. She richly deserved the tongue-lashing she received from Tinsley's mother.

I was confused by the inclusion of Dale Mercer to the cast, Tinsleys mama (she's from the south). I thought 'Oh, her mother is there to show that they're not all insane'. But, alas, that was not the case. Dale does not function as a source of wisdom to counteract the stupidity. No, Dale is an express train to Crazytown! A highly enjoyable beacon of inappropriate behavior! I LOVED when she chased Tinsley and her date around the ballroom! This show makes my eyes bleed, but if she's included in a second season, I am totally in! Tune in to the season finale tonight!


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April 27, 2010

A Mantastic Time!

Is Devorah Rose a boy or a girl? It's kinda up in the air right now but her age is not, she's 33. She just celebrated her birthday (or anniversary of her sex change, who the fuck knows) someplace in NYC.

I hate High Society like a non-smoking bar. But I watch because, well, it's a goddamn train wreck. Not since Redneck Wedding have I seen such obnoxious people falling over themselves to get in front of a camera and look like trash.

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April 15, 2010

Michiganders Rally To Bare Arms

You know, until this week I thought "open carry" referred to drinking a beer while walking down the street.

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Wolverines!

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March 31, 2010

My Big Ass Militia Wedding

If you're registered at Red's Indoor Range, you might be a Hutaree...

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Yep, even folks engaged in seditious conspiracies to overthrow the government, incite violence and bring on civil war go shopping, get married and have Facebook pages just like normal people. Well, not completely like normal people.

Check out the Gawker for more pix of a militia gal's Big Day.

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March 06, 2010

Hitchcock, who?

Birds, schmirds.

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February 04, 2010

The Nuge...

Three of the most repulsive human beings currently walking the Earth will be hanging out together this Sunday which can only mean one thing...

A 39% CAMPAIGN EVENT!

Noted racist homophobe Ted Nugent will be performing at a rally in support of Sarah Palin who will be there to support 39% who will be there to represent the pitiable. 39% has even decided that Nugent deserved the following praise...

“Not only is Ted one of our nation’s greatest performers, but his dedication to upholding our nation’s Second Amendment rights has been crucial to maintaining the freedom we are able to enjoy as Americans every day,” said Gov. Perry. “I look forward to Ted’s performance, and to the opportunity to join both him and Sarah Palin in sharing the success story Texas has achieved through our state’s unwavering commitment to conservative values based on the belief in limited government and individual freedom.”

First off, how fucked up is it that 39% said this AFTER Nuge had already agreed to perform? I mean, we've all heard the rumors but could this be proof positive that 39% likes to suck cock? Second, is there anyone, anywhere, who seriously thinks that Ted Nugent is somehow responsible for the fact that our Canadian overlords haven't descended from the frigid north to wreck havoc and force us to say 'aboot' instead of 'about'?

Put your hand down, 39%.

In other Republican campaign news, Marvin Hamlisch will be performing at a North Dallas Luby's for Sen. Hutchison and Britney Spears will be performing (You Drive Me) Crazy, in a continuous loop for two hours, at a Plano area fundraiser for Debra Medina. After, they'll hold a panel discussion entitled "If it ain't in thar, ya cain't do it : A primer for morons on the US Constitution".

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January 08, 2010

A solution to NBC's Leno problem

As many of you have heard, NBC is having a time with the 10 pm slot now occupied by noted car collector and amateur comedian Jay Leno. NBC could bring back Kings WHICH WAS AWESOME, but I'm sure they will probably just do yet another series that Dick Wolf thought of while taking a megacrap after Thanksgiving dinner.

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November 15, 2009

This is irony, Alanis

I should start by saying I wasn’t in the best of moods to go out. I like to argue with my body when it tells me that I don’t want to go out, and force it to go out anyway. Makes me feel like I’m fighting depression. The exception is when I feel like I really need a drink, I try to make sure I don’t have one because that would be giving into depression. And when my body tells me that should totally shag the hot boy I just danced with, I don’t argue, cause, hey…hot boy. Or when it tells me that I should sleep in on the weekends because I stayed out drinking... Ok, so I’m inconsistent. Whatever.

So I went out to a charity party that benefitted a battered women & children’s shelter. Never mind the irony of going to The Ranch to party, which can lead to drinking, poor decision making, conceiving children and getting battered. That’s not the point. The point was to be seen at a charity function with other classy people.

I have heard that this bar is an incredible meat market. I have heard that the douchebag factor is through the roof (oh, except the place doesn’t HAVE a roof—it’s too cool for that). I read the reviews, and thought “Hey, I can take it. It’s for charity.” Stupid me.

I wandered upstairs, and while doing so, pondered the panties that the woman in front of me was wearing. I could see them. Her skirt was that short. At least they were clean. It appears that the unwritten dress code for this joint was tight, short, and tottering. The higher the heels, the higher the hemline. Nothing like a bunch of inebriated, war-painted, foundation-spackled, silicone-enhanced stilt-walkers to make me feel inadequate. But at least all my parts are real, I was relatively warm, and I could walk back to the car under my own power while still wearing the shoes I wore in.

I waded through the douche to the bar and ordered a drink. The upstairs bar pours weak. When you want a real drink, go inside. Just be advised that the manly cologne assault is much worse when you’re indoors. Maybe that’s why they have no roof upstairs? They’re venting the fumes. You’d think the synthetic shirts were flammable enough without the accelerant cologne. And these fools were smoking? Pinhole burn to conflagration in seconds...way to die in a fire (h/t Wil Wheaton).

I fought my way back through the throng of thongs to see the catwalk where the Bachelor/Bachelorette auction would take place. This was something of a mistake. When former Mayor, Will Wynn, decided to strip off his shirt and twirl it over his head, I was grateful for the frat fuck that was blocking most of my view. I got a shot of Wynn’s pecs, and somehow managed to keep my drink down.

As I averted my eyes from the horror that is Will Wynn’s chest hair, I noticed a woman spectator to my left. She had finely quaffed hair, and was wearing all black. She was standing awkwardly, and I wanted to get a look at her face to see if she was ok. Turns out, using a deeply plunged neckline to distract men from noticing that your eyes are crossed is marginally effective. Too bad I’m not into boobs. And, sister, if your heels are so high that you are physically incapable of standing upright, they’re too tall. Ballet boots aren’t meant to be worn while standing. You’re already fighting the eyes, don’t add a ridiculously swayed back to the mix, even if it does present your cleavage even more. Yes, it makes your ass look big.

I think I talked to two people the whole night. One of those was because he had just stepped on my foot, the other asked me if I was in line to get in. I guess my long pants and sensible flats made me uninteresting. Or maybe they were distracted by the cross-eyed boobs to my left.

To their credit, the whole event raised upwards of $60,000 for SafePlace. But next time, I’m giving straight to the charity.

Posted by Mojito at 11:31 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 09, 2009

Notes from a degenerate

Newsweek was kind enough to print an amateurish book review from Mark Sanford about a new bio of Rand by Anne Heller. I was privileged to read it on the internet, created in no small part through the efforts of the US government which he so blissfully dismisses as worthless and oppressive. Why is it that degenerates like Sanford are usually the most vocal regarding their hatred of government and most ignorant regarding what the government actually does? If you can answer that, I'll buy you dinner at the restaurant of your choice. As long as it's any Carl's Jr. location.

Mark loves him some Rand.

When I first read The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged in the 1980s, I was blown away. Those books portray the power of the free individual in ways I had never thought about before.

He does acknowledge that Rand's philosophy is fundamentally flawed since it doesn't jive with human nature which I have to admit is awfully large of him. Where he goes off the rails is his bullshit about government being the problem and the free market solving all problems.

Why? I think at a fundamental level many people recognize Rand's essential truth—government doesn't know best. Those in power in Washington—or indeed in Columbia, S.C.—often lead themselves to believe that our prosperity depends on their wisdom. It doesn't. The prosperity and opportunity we enjoy comes ultimately from the creative energies of the country's businessmen, entrepreneurs, investors, marketers, and inventors. The longer it takes this country to reawaken to this reality, the worse we—and in turn, our children's standard of living—will be.

Rand's essential truth? How ridiculous. As if any of her pedestrian writing and thin plots contain more than fleeting moments of truth on the subject of greed. Altruism is wholly absent from Rand's world as are notions of shared sacrifice (or even responsibility) toward achieving a common goal. But she was a hater of government and always bore an irrational fear of it which isn't surprising since she spent her formative years in the early Soviet Union. Had she been here, she might have taken in a little more of what we did... WE are the government. WE are the country. WE depend on one another to keep the United States healthy and strong. It's a, hold your hats Randians, COOPERATIVE EFFORT.

When the economy took a nosedive a year ago—a series of events that arguably began when the government-sponsored corporations Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac went broke—many Americans, myself included, watched in disbelief as members of Congress placed blame on everyone and everything but government. This wasn't new in 2008. It's an act we've seen over and over since the beginning of the New Deal in 1933. For that reason, I think, those passages in Atlas Shrugged foreshadow what might happen to our country if there is no change in direction. As Rand shows in her book, when the government is deprived of the free market's best minds, it staggers toward collapse.

And this is what makes me think Mark needs the stupid beat out of him. He's either too ignorant of the markets to know this all started in 2007 or he's just lying to make a point. Either way, it's really infuriating to those of us who were there before and are still here now. We knew what was happening though none of us had any idea how bad it would all get as a result of a few strategic errors on the part of a guy we thought would be a great Secretary of the Treasury but who, in fact, ended up being another Randian ideologue masquerading, like Alan Greenspan did for decades, as a real capitalist.

This started with the collapse of hedge funds and CDO's which were largely unregulated by the government. This started when the loans inside those CDO's started to perform like B&C credits which is exactly what they were. The investors lost faith in the instruments because they thought all along they were getting A credits and never really understood the structure of the CDO's. The final straw was all the insurance fraud going on with credit default swaps when insurance wrote far more coverage than they could possibly provide. And, within months, Bear Stearns had collapsed and that really kicked things off.

Even today the private markets are still in disarray, more than a year after the collapse of Lehman Bros. Sanford assigns the beginning of the collapse to the takeover of FNMC and FHLMC, better known as Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. This incredibly questionable nationalization was executed by a Secretary Paulson who entered office as a common sense businessman and who quickly showed his true colors as a partisan ideologue. Neither Fannie nor Freddie were in any real danger of collapse. Both are turning rather large profits even today on continuing operations mostly due to massive delivery fees imposed in the wake of the crisis and still in effect today. Both Agencies have current losses due in large part to mortgages in their portfolios that are being modified because of Administration programs AND, of course, the loans on their books many of which were securitizations purchased from (you had to see it coming) WALL STREET BANKS. Exclusive of those losses, FNMA for example would have posted a profit of almost $4bn. In point of fact, the only mortgages being done in the US are those written to guidelines promulgated by Fannie, Freddie or the Federal Housing Administration. The government IS the market in residential financing because the free market which Gov. Sanford lauds is still balled up in the corner crying.

Could things have gone differently? Sure. At any time we could have stopped the slide and cut the crisis off at the knees because, in the end, it's a crisis of confidence just like any other crisis. The actual flaws in the financial system (aside from the ridiculous underwriting standards of many now deceased companies) were only deadly when everything spun out of control and massive layoffs ensued. It wasn't necessary, it didn't have to happen this way. For one thing, had we not been running such large deficits for so long the dollar never would have collapsed as low as it did which, coupled with some common sense regulation of commodities speculators, would have kept oil far lower than the roughly $150/bbl at which it traded as the disaster unfolded in 2008. That one thing could have averted a lot of the disaster and I wasn't the only who saw that piece.

However, high oil prices cause a recession, they don't cause an economic collapse. What really turned the crisis into a full blow panic was the decision of Secretary Paulson to kill Lehman Bros. For that decision, the Secretary should go to jail. As soon as he did that, it was a signal to investors around the world in debt markets : WE'RE READY TO LET THE WHOLE THING GO DOWN THE DRAIN. Investors rapidly got the message and much to Paulson's dismay even started tearing down Goldman Sachs. Where Mark Sanford, once upon a time, used to work. Mark's so blinded by that old loyalty even now he can't bring himself to see the very part Paulson played in all this.

If you want to read a GOOD review of Heller's book that doesn't have all the partisan sniping and factually incorrect information about extraneous events, click here.

Posted by mcblogger at 03:13 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 02, 2009

Look what happens next

That's right... Hohan's dad going mano a diva with Nene from the RHOA. The only thing that would make me laugh more is a cage match between the two.

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October 30, 2009

Why not make it GIANT?

We at McBlogger know how hard it can be to show love to friends and family, especially children. Sometimes, you just don't feel like giving hugs or kisses. We know how difficult it can be, after a long hard day, to suck it up and read that same damn story to the kids. Twice. It sometimes feels like you need some space, right? After all, isn't raising your children the reason you have au pair?!?

What better way to make up for treating the kids like dirt than to make them a GIANT ASS CUPCAKE? Kids, after all, LOVE cupcakes (who doesn't?) and making them a really big one will allow you to gloss over your feelings of guilt and help you put off that painful realization that yeah, you kinda suck as a parent. Plus, the kids at school will be hella jealous of your little tyke when they are confronted with the awesomeness that is this...

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And you can even, with a handy insert which the folks who make this were thoughtful enough to include, fill these mounds of deliciousness with pudding! Or chocolate! Or ice cream!

Let's be honest... a small cupcake only tells your kids you kinda like them. A cupcake 25 TIMES that size tells them you love them bunches and bunches! It's also educational since it's never too early to teach your little ones to eat their emotions! Finally, Giant Ass Cupcake also tells them you're cool with them getting fat and excited that they'll soon be able to experience the fun of juvenile diabetes!


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October 24, 2009

If only for the surveillance does

I didn't care for 'Napoleon Dynamite'. I just didn't get it. And nothing could ever compel me to suffer through 'Nacho Libre', not even a lifetime supply of Glenlivet. But I can't wait to see this!

Posted by barfly at 02:18 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

October 13, 2009

Fatass v Candyass

Or, as some of you might like to think of it, Limbaugh v Scarborough. It would seem that the round mound of sound has actually picked on another conservative who is unafraid of slapping him with his dick.

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August 25, 2009

So I'm a sucker

Yeah, I thought the first one blew, too. However, I can't not see it... I'm like a moth drawn to a flame.

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August 03, 2009

Does anyone want to see this?

I'm seriously on the fence on this one. I never thought I'd say that about a zombie movie, but this one really sounds wrong.

Posted by mcblogger at 07:47 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

I am just a caveman. Much of your world frightens me.

For example, churches that look like Las Vegas...

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Seriously, the first time I saw this I thought my local salvation mart had lost its lease and was now a strip club.

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 05:43 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

July 15, 2009

Vote, Dammit!

Who will be the Hot Slut of the Month on Dlisted? YOU tell me. Go here to vote!

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July 10, 2009

Did Carnival give him this advice?

Apparently, last December an Ohio firefighter decided to take a cruise. The only thing holding him back were his two dogs which were going to cost a lot of money to board. What to do?

Columbus firefighter David P. Santuomo, 43, took Sloopy and Skeeter to his home's basement, suspended them from a pipe near the ceiling and fired at least 11 shots from a .22-caliber rifle fitted with a homemade silencer, Franklin County Prosecuting Attorney Ron J. O'Brien said.

OK, so after the shock of his final solution wears off, you have to be asking yourself how the hell he got busted. If you already thought this asshole was scum, get ready...

Santuomo then wrapped the carcasses in plastic and dumped them in a trash bin behind Firehouse 27, where he worked, O'Brien said. ... Miller said appalled fellow firefighters turned Santuomo in to authorities. "There were reports that he was bragging about this," she said.

So, yeah, douchebag gets to pay a fine and spend 90 days in jail. His attorney had this to say about the story and the deadbeat (really, two Chapter 7 bankruptcies and one foreclosure?!??! This guy is a mortgage underwriters worst nightmare) whose actions created it...

"It, of course, was a heinous act, and it's an act for which he's sorry and has accepted responsibility," Shamansky said of the dog killings. "He's been punished appropriately, and I think it's now time for the public to practice what they preach and show a little forgiveness and mercy. Maybe that might be a novel approach."

Yeah, I think the only 90 days in jail is about all the forgiveness and mercy we in society can muster at this point. Let's be real here for a second... all he had to do is take the dogs down to the humane society and at least give them a shot at adoption.

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July 09, 2009

Ahoy, dapper gent!

Hello Loverman! You hot, steamy, delicious, hetero mansicle! Who could doubt your hedonistic draw? Your sexual prowess? NOBODY! Yet, lately you feel unfulfilled. No one understands you. Nobody sees the petri dish depth of your soul. You may double check your life, but everything is great. You have the latest Emporio Armani slim fit shirt, the Rogaine is kicking in, and Kings of Leon have finally hit the mainstream. But something is missing. You feel off your game. Don't worry. The Prophet, Ashton Kutcher, has a movie just for you and your Axe Body Spray soaked existence (The bitches love it!)! This film is so good it encapsulates your very essence!

Yeah man! All you need is a neck scarf and a pair of skinny suspenders, and you'll be irresistible man candy once more! Shit, you'll have your pick of all the emaciated models with obvious self-esteem and daddy issues! And once you've got one, brother, you can take her back to your king sized water bed covered in black and white checkered sheets, and give her the 2 minute ride of her life! Hell yeah!!! Everything's going to be okay. Ashton's got your back.

Posted by barfly at 03:47 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

This is why you're fat

Photobucket No joke, this is totally why you're fat. And just in case you were wondering, that white shit ain't cheese... it's garlic butter, fattie.

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July 08, 2009

Really? You want that on your body?

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The write up was the best part...

The day I saw that video of the Dramatic Gopher (or whatever it was called), I also saw a t-shirt for sale featuring the likeness of said intense rodent. And I thought Look at these idiots, putting all their eggs in a fad basket that will last five seconds tops. I hope they didn’t print too many of these things, because you can’t bank on every stupid, flash-in-the pan Internet meme that comes along. Some things just don’t last long enough to sustain merchandising.

This person bought that shirt.

You know there is someone out there with a tat of the Goatse.cx receiver.

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July 02, 2009

Hasselbeck : Plagiarist

No joke, The View's Elisabeth Hasselbeck copied a cookbook...

A lawsuit in federal court in Massachusetts alleges that Hasselbeck lifted "word for word" content from a book on celiac disease written by a self-published author on Cape Cod.

Hasselbeck's book, "The G-Free Diet: A Gluten-Free Survival Guide," has appeared over the past month on several best-seller lists.

Author Susan Hassett filed the lawsuit Monday, saying she sent Hasselbeck a copy of her "Living With Celiac Disease" book as a courtesy after the TV celebrity disclosed she had the illness last year.

The lawsuit says Hasselbeck's book reproduces lists of grains containing gluten along with scientific names of the grains.

Hasselbeck's book "includes dozens of paraphrased as well as word for word regurgitations of phrases" from Hassett's book, the lawsuit claims, but it doesn't cite specific examples.

It's funny, actually, because I've just begun work on a cookbook demystifying french cooking. I'm calling it Perfecting the Skill of Cooking French Cuisine. Look for it on Amazon literally any day now.

Good Appetite!

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June 30, 2009

Someone stole Mr. The Plumber's brain

What a tool...

Referring to the Constitution as "almost like the Bible," Wurzelbacher said of the Founding Fathers: "They knew socialism doesn't work. They knew communism doesn't work."

Yes, they did. Almost 30 years before the author of The Communist Manifesto was even born. What vision!

Mr. The Plumber then went on to discuss progressive taxation (without even mentioning the Ovarian Lottery) which he thinks is immoral though he doesn't really understand the concept, nor the concept of morality. He also declared he was still a member of the Republican Party which will make some of my more affluent Republican friends vomit. Or, rather, it should.

One has to wonder how much the Republicans are paying this sad, pathetic douche of a man. Hopefully it's enough for him to finally realize his dream of owning his own plumbing business. Then he can actually bitch about paying taxes since he really doesn't pay much right now.

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June 27, 2009

I had no idea he was still alive

PhotobucketNoted American retard Stephen Baldwin is,like, apparently still alive and has quit 'I'm a Celebrity...' which is, like, some TV show on the NBC which is, like, some network (it's one of those channels you don't have to, like, pay extra for).

I'm not joking when I said I thought he was dead. I figured he'd been eaten by his brother Daniel in an effort to stay alive after a tragic plane crash in the Andes.

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June 18, 2009

What a bunch of bubbies!

new jersey.bmpDid you know that a slang term for a vagina was a 'chuckie'? I certainly didn't, but thanks to Dina of the New Jersey Housewives, I do now! In fact, I have a special place in my heart for these little lacquered ruffians!

I admit I disliked Danielle from the beginning. I thought she looked like a slutty, shady, snobby gold digger who couldn't face the fact that her best days were behind her. And, who knew, I was right! She needs a magazine rack for all her issues. Oh, and the wildly inappropriate way she is raising her daughters! Urgh!!! Because really, why should they get a childhood when their mother needed free therapy? I'm not a mom, but I'm fairly certain you've hit rock bottom when your 15 year old daughter is telling you that men are only interested in your 'goodies'. Pretty girl though. She really dodged a bullet not getting her mom's beak, right? Anyhoo, I found myself kinda feeling sorry for the pathetic sack of bones that is Danielle after her breakup with her younger boyfriend. He was a real prize whose apathy was as glaring as his bald spot. And then the book 'Cop Without A Badge' hit. That's when Danielle became a sampler tray of all different kinds of crazy.

The main suspect in the diabolical plot to DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING OF CONSEQUENCE to Danielle was Dina. Yes, petty little Dina with a bubbie-sprouting daughter, an absent husband, and a remarkable resemblance to her own hairless cat. Which makes sense given her exceptional aptitude for catty remarks and backhanded compliments to friends and foes alike. Her partner in crime was her sister Caroline, who was also the actual villain. I really wanted to like Caroline despite her bossy, judgmental, and paranoid behavior that had her looking for a fight in every episode. In the group dynamic she was the big, ugly, mean girl that nobody wanted to fuck with. But her boobs are real. She would want that noted. I'm not clear why/how she came up with the book about Danielle being an alias cloaked, ex-stripping criminal. She was already nauseatingly gross, so it didn't really hurt. If anything it just made her more interesting. And somewhat of a victim.

Sympathy was what kept poor, sweet Jacqueline tethered to Danielle, regardless of her familial loyalty to her wicked sisters-in-law. In spite of her gullible naiveness, Jacqueline was my fave! Yes, she raised a bratty, ungrateful daughter, but maybe her sons will fare better. She was incredibly sympathetic being so open about her miscarriages. It was very touching. However, what sealed the deal for me was when after toasting enemies with Danielle, saucer-eyed Jacqueline leaned forward and asked 'Who are my enemies?'. That cracked me up! She certainly was the hero of the season finale, as was her husband. Props for backing up his wife! Well done!

However, I know everyone's favorite moment of the finale was Teresa's meltdown. What a little scene stealer! Too bad her little performing tots had been escorted out. Mommy could have shown them how it's done! It is good they were around earlier to witness their mom say that their excessively horny dad is ALWAYS at it with the sex, even when mom is recovering from a boob job. It's fortunate they have that huge house. I have a feeling there are going to be many revelations that they won't want to be around to hear. Pick out your hiding places now girls! Yes, Teresa proved that not only can she spend insane quantities of money and create matching ensembles for her entire family, she is also pretty scrappy. Way to blow up! Take that you table! In fact, Teresa has given me a new life goal. Before I die, I hope I have the opportunity, and ability, to shout such a guttural 'WHORE' at someone in public. Frankly, it was pretty damn impressive.

I can't believe the season is already over. I'm really bummed. At least, since the body count was zero, we can be sure they will all be back for season two.

Posted by barfly at 11:08 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

June 13, 2009

New movie to kill all joy. Forever. Or just 1 hr 49 min

So, what do you get when you take bad, mix it with awful, and marinate it in unbearable? Something Precious!



Coming in November! Gee, can't wait! Yuckity, yuck, yuck, yuck. I guess I could go see it. And then, when my eyes stopped bleeding, I could drown myself in a bucket. Oh, I know there are people who will say 'It's a challenging piece dealing with difficult subject matter that will ultimately prove uplifting'. Blah, blah, blah. To those I say your punishment is your reward. Enjoy, misery junkies!


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May 29, 2009

YAY!

Today I took my life into my hands, and went to the WalMart in a small East Texas town on a Friday afternoon. I usually avoid the place like the plague since it is regularly filled with mouth breathers, religio-political fanatics, and unfortunate genetic mishaps. On a normal afternoon, you might see a few of these people.

Friday afternoon it becomes their mother ship.

Designing_women_cast.jpgIt kinda reminds me of a mix between the original Dawn of the Dead, a Fox news telecast, and Dogpatch. And it seemed even worse today. Of course, that is because all of them need their very own copy of 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop' for the weekend. After dodging the scantily clad obese women and their sticky children, I was able to emerge with what I have waited so long for... the first season of 'Designing Women'! FINALLY! It sure took them long enough to release it! Was it worth the trip? You bet! And it seems the second season will be out in August. I guess that might mean another trip, but I can do! it. At least for the seasons with the original cast. I loves it!

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May 06, 2009

I just... you know... well, maybe not...

Yeah, I don't know what to say either.

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May 05, 2009

The Bad Girls Club is casting here

For all the skanques who read McB (the FEMALE ones), you need to check this out. BGC is one of my favorite programs... it's a hilarious mix of Red Neck Wedding and The Ricky Lake Show. HAWT!

Posted by mcblogger at 02:28 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 04, 2009

I Believe I Smell A Wagging Dog: Slam Poetry Night At The Crazy House

Some wag observed that it used to be said that a million monkeys typing randomly might produce King Lear by sheer chance; thanks to the Internet we now know that isn't true.

However, if one peruses the comments sections on news sites, one does come across gems which, while they might not measure up to the Bard of Avon's work, could do service on Poetry Night at the local looney bin.

Orwell's gang littering themselves all over the place.
No hope while everyone stands idly by-
AND I MEAN IDLE, or is that IDOLS, TWILIGHT OF...
these are the spawnings of genocide and greed.
When will these jackals answer for themselves??
Indian blood will forever cry from the ground
for the absolute blasphemy these "men" and oh yes,
these "women" have done to our people and land.
Government?? Criminals and liars.
Wasichu! Read a book America!!!!!!!
or listen to TVZ for Christ's sake...

"I don't mind a good knife fight," he said.
------ er, ¿quien es mas macho?
welcome home "house of death" juan.
¿sleeping well?

You’ll only take 1!
But there are 12 million that need you.
I don’t listen to AM radio- it’s mostly in Spanish.

Oh for goodness sakes, you “green” people pipe down.
There’s plenty of that left - the mall is surrounded by trees.
What they need is a Cinnabun and one of them pretzel places.
I’ve been telling the manager that for months.
They could have saved themselves already.
Maybe it’s not too late…

just like the business environment.
the keys to success are:
don't speak unless spoken to,
don't question authority,
and do trust the decision-makers.
wearing suits to cover up incompetency
and laziness is also highly suggested

I wish all mean people would die.
I am so sick of mean people.
You are not cute, you are mean.

benny2, why don't you include,
the bush's the rageans
the 'chenny', 'rush',
ricky p,you moron

Oh my sweet God!
What did Texas do
to deserve such a fool
as Rick Perry
for governor?

Psy Ops of the most desperate order.
Have you been adequately distracted from the Queen's Bankers?
And, That Iranian stooge is here to keep that Israeli game going.
Left to our own devices, we wouldn't care at all what happens in or to the UK or Israel
Yes, it's all about the wealth they steal from Americans by controlling our Media, Government and Currency.
And now YouTube, my last refuge is gone.

Dream on.
I'm gonna reboot & see whats happens

Keep your heads up Austinians.
I believe I smell a wagging dog.
Watch the state cap. and D.C. carefully
also one might have to really dig through
the cooperative news media
(sorry Austin that includes the American-Statesman)
to find what is really out there in the fog,
there must be something in the wings
our elected "statesmen"
and newly appointed rock star
don't want us to see.
All hail the Czar!

the the shoes are droping
more everyday and the more
the steels and limbaughs
and the morons on fox news
keep it up they will keep
droping things has change
and they can't stand the idea
that people have woke up

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 01:03 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 30, 2009

Ready To Panic?

Do YOU have swine flu?

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 03:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 22, 2009

Remember---No One Cares!

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April 19, 2009

Susan Roesgen ROCKS!

Take a moment to watch this clip of Susan during her time at the teabagging event in Chicago which FOX edited to make it look just the way they wanted to line her up for attack

The FOX anchor is really classic when she talks about the bipartisan nature of the protests (they weren't... it was Republicans only) and about the lie that they were grassroots events. We already know that was lie.

And the asshole from MRC talking about the oral sex jokes simply is too stupid for words. After all, CNN and MSNBC didn't chose the word TEABAGGER to describe the protesters. It was Rep. Dick Armey who thought it was a great idea in some kind of weirdo Freudian slip.

Now, Susan was trying, even in this clip, to get the guy to state his point. Which he never really did and not because Susan interrupted him. The fact of the matter is that he had NO POINT (and, to that dumbass, LINCOLN WAS THE FIRST PRESIDENT TO ASSES AN INCOME TAX). Neither did the crazy bitch in this video when she started ranting about not liking the way the government was spending 'her' money. Join the club, freakshow. I was pissed as hell at Bush and the Republicans for sinking us into a $3 trillion dollar hole in Iraq.

Freakshow woman also got on Susan's ass for not talking to the normal people like her. Thing is, she's not any more normal or stable than this nutjob. Additionally, the media usually focuses on the wackier elements at a protest. How many times at a progressive event int he last 10 years have we seen signs to FREE MUMIA. Protests bring out the crazies.

And those WERE the people teabagging this week. Not normal folks, crazies who think they know what they are talking about but, in reality, haven't a clue. How do I know? Watch as they go apoplectic when, in response to their statement that the income tax isn't constitutional, you politely point out that the 16th Amendment to the Constitution made it constitutional.

Seriously, try it some time and then be prepared to wipe the spittle off your face.

Posted by mcblogger at 01:54 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

April 01, 2009

Or, you could just say...

... you were a tremendous fuck up.

Governor Palin, just face the fact that much like our own 39%, you really suck. You were only possible when it wasn't obvious how incompetent you really were. Now that we know just how retarded Republicans can be (and how intellectually bankrupt their ideas are), it's kinda hard to pull anything off.

It sucks but we're awake now. And we're laughing at you. A lot.

Posted by mcblogger at 11:53 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

March 26, 2009

Ah, Florida

What would we do without them?

BITHLO, Fla. – Authorities said a man threw a Molotov cocktail at his neighbor's trailer, but the wind shifted and set fire to two cars, a pickup and a travel trailer in the man's own yard. The Florida Highway Patrol reported that a 51-year-old man got into a fight with his neighbor on Tuesday night and threw the makeshift gasoline bomb.

Authorities believe alcohol was involved.

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 08:39 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Woop-Woop-Woop and a Nyuk-Nyuk-Nyuk!!

Under "Most Awesomest News I've Heard All Week," file this: The Farrelly Brothers are making a Three Stooges movie.

So why shouldn't we be highly skeptical? Who, after all, would even presume to attempt a recap of Larry, Moe and Curly's comic genius? Your skepticism is understandable, but misplaced. Here's why: The casting is about done, and it proves they're not just dicking around here.

As Larry, Sean Penn - a perfect physical match and well-suited to the role's nuances. Only a thespian of Mr. Penn's caliber could do justice to Larry Fine's complex neither-Moe-nor-Curly subtlety. Some lucky costume designer is totally going to win an Oscar for Sean's tearaway wig.

As Moe, they're talking Benicio del Toro. Not immediately obvious as a choice, but think on it a bit and you can kind of see it. We know Benicio can do menacing and temperamental. Word on the street is he's also capable of delivering lines like "Come here, Porcupine" with the necessary comic timing.

Finally, as Curly, the Farrelly Brothers have tapped one of their favorites: Jim Carrey. Again, one must respect their choice as going beyond the obvious (Drew Carey, perhaps?). Here, the Farrelly Brothers have held out for a less than obvious physical match in order to get a true talent match. Jim Carey is no Anthony Hopkins, but where physical comedy is concerned, is there really a better choice for a role like this? Sure, Philip Seymour Hoffman is a closer physical match, and his awesomeness would allow him to turn in a convincing performance, but only Carrey can truly capture the essence of Curly's imbecilic zeal.

With advance reports like this one, it's hard not to be optimistic. I just hope the writers and editors use that classic bit where the 3 Stooges are handymen at a fancy rich lady's house and end up as party guests and then Curly pulls out an electric razor at the dinner table and gives the socialite next to him a buzz and then a food fight breaks out. That shit cracks me up every time.

Posted by hbalczak at 10:10 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

March 25, 2009

Children of cougars are smarter than you

PhotobucketApparently the children of cougars and menbos are smarter than those of old men and bimbos. That's what Muse says and I accept everything she says as absolute truth.

Posted by mcblogger at 02:37 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

January 31, 2009

Our Spirits Are Down

Dammit. Now I need a drink after reading this news.

US Liquor Sales Come Up Short in 2008

DISCUS said U.S. revenue for spirits companies rose 2.8 percent to $18.7 billion in 2008, while sales by volume rose 1.6 percent to 184 million 9-liter cases.

That represents a slowing from 2007, when revenue rose 5.6 percent and volume rose 2.4 percent, and DISCUS's prior forecast, which called for revenue growth of 4 percent to 5 percent and volume growth of about 1.9 percent.

"Contrary to popular belief, the entire beverage alcohol sector is recession-resistant, not recession-proof," said DISCUS CEO Peter Cressy in a press release.

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January 21, 2009

Best Headline Ever?

From NBCphiladelphia.com

Hitler's Grammy Drunk During Cop Stop, Says Mom

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 11:15 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 30, 2008

So much for love thy neighbor...

This is just disturbing and yes, something REALLY needs to be done. This was an absolute breakdown of law and order and these people have got to be punished.

Posted by mcblogger at 09:30 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 23, 2008

Thank you, Melissa Etheridge...

Melissa Etheridge posted something really wonderful up at Huffington Post about us all coming together around Obama. Plus, she says that Rick Warren takes back a lot of the nasty things he said about gays and lesbians...

I told my manager to reach out to Pastor Warren and say "In the spirit of unity I would like to talk to him." They gave him my phone number. On the day of the conference I received a call from Pastor Rick, and before I could say anything, he told me what a fan he was. He had most of my albums from the very first one. What? This didn't sound like a gay hater, much less a preacher. He explained in very thoughtful words that as a Christian he believed in equal rights for everyone. He believed every loving relationship should have equal protection. He struggled with proposition 8 because he didn't want to see marriage redefined as anything other than between a man and a woman. He said he regretted his choice of words in his video message to his congregation about proposition 8 when he mentioned pedophiles and those who commit incest. He said that in no way, is that how he thought about gays. He invited me to his church, I invited him to my home to meet my wife and kids. He told me of his wife's struggle with breast cancer just a year before mine.

Fine, Melissa... just as soon as he decides to say this publicly and apologize, I'll be more than happy to let bygones be bygones.

So, Mel, just call up your good friend the Rev and let him know we're all good if he'll just apologize for comparing me to a goddamn pedophile. I don't need it one on one, how about YouTube? It certainly worked well enough for him when he was preaching lies and hatred.

Posted by mcblogger at 02:28 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 22, 2008

A letter to y'all from Rick Warren's Gay Friend

PhotobucketFirst up, mad props to the peeps at McB for giving me a chance to post. It's been a while since I've done anything online other than checking email. My husband and I just adopted a beautiful baby girl from Sudan and we've been hella busy adjusting to being parents.

In answer to the question burning up your brain, I became friends with Rick Warren when Saddleback was this piddly little church. He was a nice guy, he knew I was gay and didn't really have a problem with that. However, in the last few years, it's become clear that was all a lie. Either that or he's changed in pretty big ways. I choose to believe it's the latter. He obviously has some big issues with the gays that he's clearly not enough of a man to come to me with. Probably because he knows I'll give him hell about his fat ass, LOL. But seriously, the Rick Warren of years ago is not the Rick Warren of today. And like many, I'm pissed as hell at PE Obama for inviting him to the Inaugural.

I decided to come forward after seeing Rick on Dateline NBC Friday night. Now, I know you're probably wondering what I was doing home on Friday and what the hell I was doing watching NBC. For that, I will only make reference to our daughter ... let's just say that newborns don't afford you a lot of time to go out to dinner with friends or, well, anyone. My husband and I stay in a lot and the TV was stuck on NBC from when we turned it off the night before after 30 Rock.

While we're eating dinner there appears Rick's corpulent face, spewing all kinds of crazy. Three different types of laws in Leviticus? Come on, Rick, that's a load of bullshit. Then, there was endless pimping of his retarded little book of retread 'feel good' philosophy cribbed from a self help class and how much he loves God (which is, according to Rick, hand in hand with not believing in evolution without even considering if maybe evolution was the mechanism God used). He also threw in video of all his good work in Africa, which is really more about proselytizing and less about helping people with AIDS, just FYI. The reporter at one point cornered him on the genetic origin of homosexuality. And Rick dove into resisting impulses. The reporter, to her credit, pressed him on it and Rick did what Rick always does when backed into a rhetorical corner... He pulled out the "One of my friends is gay... " Card, a rather dumb device through which he offered, anecdotally, that all gay men want to have sex with every other man. Including him. He knows this because I told him so.

Rick, you need to check your goddamn ego. We may be friends, but don't ever, even for a moment, think that gives you the right to speak for me. As for your delusional fantasy that I probably want to have sex with you, allow me to disabuse you of that notion right now. You're fat, ugly and as I've mentioned to you a number of times, you always look greasy.

That conversation we had was 20 years ago when I was 21, five years before I met the man of my dreams with whom I've lived for the last fifteen years. In a monogamous relationship. We got married just last year and now there is a legal question about our union. We didn't ask to be married in your church. We accept that you don't think our marriage is legitimate in the eyes of God. All we wanted was equality under the law. And you and those like you denied us that right.

People change a lot in 20 years. Just as I no longer want to have sex with every man who crosses my path, it's obvious that Rick no longer believe in tolerance and fairness in the greater society as a whole.

And PE Obama? Take a moment to read this.


Posted by rickwarren at 02:07 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 21, 2008

What's One More Bailout?

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 04:02 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 19, 2008

Obama on Warren Selection

This really pisses me off and his bullshit about 'disagreeing without being disagreeable' would go a lot further if Warren weren't quite to fervent in his desire to take away the rights of a large percentage of the population. One has to wonder if the President-elect would so blithely dismiss our very understandable anger if Warren were preaching to return African-Americans to slavery.

Two things, however, come to mind...

1) I'm glad I didn't vote for the son of a bitch in the primary.
2) I'm glad I voted for him in the general because McCain was STILL worse.

This was a crass political move against a group he knows he can marginalize. If anyone out there is dumb enough to still believe his bullshit, I'll be happy to introduce my foot to your ass.

Posted by mcblogger at 09:20 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 18, 2008

New BSG vid

Photobucket We love us some Battlestar Galactica. And, like you, we've been irritated at the delay in the final episodes but that's mitigated a little bit by these new webisodes. Check out the first video and pay close attention around 1:30.

Awww, Felix!

Posted by mcblogger at 08:06 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 16, 2008

It's No Penguin Toss, But For Those Who Are Bored At Work...

...and really, aren't we all?

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 08:27 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 10, 2008

Thank God for the Gays

Otherwise, who else would bring us such hot entertainment as this?


Posted by spamburgler at 02:05 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 03, 2008

Vidor Forum

Who knew? At first, I thought this was an Onion parody.

Don't know what post is weider - Interracial Couple Moving To Vidor or Nude photos were of cop's girlfriend

Xcntrik InVidor-you rock in that mellow kind of way

Posted by Captain Kroc at 09:41 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 02, 2008

Two for one

Canadian airlines, by court order, must now give those addicted to the buffet two seats for the price of one.

Obese people have the right to two seats for the price of one on flights within Canada, the Supreme Court of Canada ruled on Thursday.

The high court declined to hear an appeal by Canadian airlines of a decision by the Canadian Transportation Agency that people who are "functionally disabled by obesity" deserve to have two seats for one fare.

The airlines had lost an appeal at the Federal Court of Appeal in May and had sought to launch a fresh appeal at the Supreme Court. The court's decision not to hear a new appeal means the one-person-one-fare policy stands.

In related news, we've heard that Linda Harper-Brown will soon be relocating to Winnipeg.

Posted by mcblogger at 12:55 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 28, 2008

It's starting to look a lot like Christmas

Feeling jolly, punk?

Accused Attacker Beaten With Candy Cane

A man who allegedly threatened neighbors with a knife on Thanksgiving was beaten with a large decorative candy cane wielded by a bystander, Sacramento police said.

The incident began in Del Paso Heights when Donald Kercell, 49, became drunk and then got angry, Sgt. Norm Leong said.

Leong said Kercell swung the knife and went after some people, adding that some of those being chased suffered minor injuries.

A bystander picked up a 2-foot-long candy cane decoration, smacked Kercell with it and disarmed him, Leong said.

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 02:23 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 25, 2008

PSA : Hiring a hitman

PhotobucketFrom time to time, we've had to use someone to 'take out the trash'. It's usually quick, clean and so easy for us that we're all the time wondering why we don't have more people 'retired'.

Think we're kidding? When was the last time you saw Jimmy Hoffa? Or JFK?

One thing we know is that we don't write anything down. And we sure as hell don't use OUR mobiles. You use throw-aways and you certainly don't text message instructions. We always assume the staff will take care of the details.

Oh... and don't be from Oklahoma.

(Too soon for a Kennedy joke?)


Posted by mcblogger at 09:03 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 24, 2008

Joe The Plumber : The Autobiography

Joe the Plumber is, along with some other guy, writing a book. Mr. The Plumber's book, due December 1st, will be 300 pages long and divided into two sections. The first will be Joe's life, his journey and his rise to accidental celebrity (26 pages... seriously, is there anything about this guy that can't fit in 26 pages) and the balance being a rehash of the same old 'conservative' bullshit that's been spewed by every Republican candidate in the US since 1980.

PhotobucketJoe the Plumber, a.k.a. Samuel J. Wurzelbacher, the Ohio voter who became a celebrity in the last, heady weeks of the election, has signed a book deal with small, Texas-based publisher PearlGate Publishing. Joe the Plumber: Fighting for the American Dream, as it will be called, will "address Mr. Wurzelbacher’s ideas about American values," according to the Times, and be co-written with Thomas N. Tabback, the author of a ridiculous-sounding Christian novel also published by PearlGate. The Times cites an interview with Fox News in which JTP said he could have gone with a larger publisher, “But they don’t need the help. They are already rich. So that’s spreading the wealth to me.” The book will be published December 1, an amazingly quick turnaround time, which indicates that probably Joe the Plumber doesn't have a problem spreading the wealth to China, either.

I know I'm going to get this book from at least three people this Christmas. It won't be funny. All it will prove is that the people who give it to me have too much money on their hands.

Yeah, I'd really rather have a gift card.

Posted by mcblogger at 01:47 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 22, 2008

This looks cool...

Just click here. And yes, it's safe for work.

And here's a pic of the new ship.

Photobucket

That's rrriiiighhhtt, bitches! I like me some Star Trek.

Posted by mcblogger at 04:09 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 14, 2008

It's Barbie, Bitch!

It seems that even Barbie is on the war path these days. And Barbie don't play! Apparently, the fuckwad that gave birth to the abomination that is Bratz, did so on Mattel company time. In fact, Mattel won a $100 million dollar lawsuit in August. But is that enough? No way! Barbie wants BLOOD!

L9639_9993_main.jpg
Attorneys for Mattel Inc. (MAT, Fortune 500), the world's largest toy maker, are scheduled to appear before U.S. District Judge Stephen Larson on Monday and ask him to ban competitor MGA Entertainment Inc. from making the pouty-lipped Bratz dolls. They also want all Bratz products impounded and destroyed.

Frankly, I am on Barbie's side. Just because Barbie rocks! She's the kinda gal one can root for. The type of gal that can find herself in crazy situations, all the while dating a man with no dick. Who's without empathy?

I also dislike Bratz. I find them distressingly tacky and inane. The world will not be poorer for their absence when Barbie takes them out. Yep, I've got a stake for when Jade's spunky little head starts to roll. Now, I am aware that I'm in the minority on this. It's a Bratz universe. McBlogger and my young cousins LOVE this shit, much to our chagrin. And, indeed, I see Bratz permeating several things in pop culture. For example, the actresses on the new '90210' are the living epitome. Am I the only one who thinks that the shoes look like they weigh more than the actresses wearing them?

Anyway, if you are a Bratz fan, it might not be a bad idea to pick one up asap. Just in case they are going the way of the dodo.

Posted by barfly at 12:35 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

October 31, 2008

While making black holes

It's the part at the end that really got me... because when I'm not around, this blog doesn't exist. Mostly because no one else will post on it. Because they're all shiftless bums who deserve to live on under the bridge at Braker & MoPac.

Especially Barfly.

Posted by mcblogger at 11:42 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

October 24, 2008

Ahh... to have the late 90's back

In case you're wondering it's Tamperer ft. Maya and it's about ten years old. Think about how much fun you were having in 98 and 99 and remember to vote for a return to that on November 4th.

Yeah, I know as a political statement it's pretty lame. HOWEVER, it's Friday and if this song doesn't make you feel just a little lighter and happier, then you're just fucked.

Posted by mcblogger at 03:50 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

October 21, 2008

Looking on the bright side

They say every cloud has a silver lining. I know some might be puzzled as to how that might apply to Sarah Palin. The only thing I have come up with is that it has made Saturday Night Live really good again. I, like many, have loved Tina Fey's impersonation and enjoyed seeing her back on the show every week. So perhaps I should be grateful to Sarah Palin for getting me to watch the show again. It's a good thing, because I liked this.

And I absolutely LOVED THIS!

Posted by barfly at 08:28 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

October 15, 2008

I Predict A Very Tense Thanksgiving In This Family

From Raw Story

Man names baby 'Sarah McCain Palin' behind wife's back

A Tennessee man couldn't give much to the McCain/Palin campaign, so he gave his child's nomenclature.

"I took one for the cause," said Mark Ciptak of Elizabethton. "This is a little token to the McCain camp, and we are strong supporters of that ticket." Ciptak put "Sarah McCain Palin Ciptak" on his newborn daughter's birth certificate documents, ignoring the name he and his wife picked earlier.

"We actually came up with the name Ava Grace, and I secretively went and got another set of forms," Ciptak said. His wife Layla, he told the Kingsport Times-News still didn't know what he had done when he first talked to them. "Only some friends and family members who I have called for prayer support know at this point," he said. In a follow-up, Ciptak said that "she was not quite fond of me or of what I have done, but we've had some time to talk it over, and she has been really supportive through it all."

Ciptak's in-laws, on the other hand, are "planning my funeral behind my back," he said. "There's some resentment from the family."

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September 30, 2008

SEND DIANE KEATON FIVE DOLLARS RIGHT NOW!

I've always been a big fan of Diane Keaton. You know, the Diane Keaton of 'Annie Hall, 'Baby Boom' and 'Something's Gotta Give'. In fact, McBlogger and I consider 'Baby Boom' a family classic! However recent events have demonstratively changed my viewpoint.

First, she utterly disgusted me in 'Because I Said So', and I don't think I am alone here. Then she was partly responsible for the painful 'Mad Money'. Now she strikes with the sure to be an incredibly cretinous shitbomb entitled 'Smother'.

Yes, please, with a pillow! I am sorry, but if you do not cringe at least once during that trailer, you are a cinematic idiot. Do I REALLY need to mention Dax Shepard is in it? Do I? Anyone? He's even worse than Dane Cook and that's saying something! I mean what is she thinking? How much good will does she think remains in the credibility piggy bank? Being an Academy Award winner only goes so far. Just look at Cuba Gooding Jr.

It leads me to the conclusion that dear Diane must be in desperate need of some coin. There is no other explanation for accepting every crappy vehicle that comes her way. So, I was thinking, if every exasperated movie goer were to send her five dollars, perhaps she would stop making these inexplicably bad film choices. Perhaps she could salvage the last dwindling shred of dignity that remains. It's a thought.

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September 11, 2008

Barfly Reviews... Date My Ex : Jo and Slade

I am so excited to be able to present Barfly Reviews... in which my beloved and usually inebriated sib will review some of the garbage she watches. And I, usually, am secretly watching as well though I'll never admit to it. Well, maybe I'll admit to Gossip Girl.

What? It's a good show!

date-my-ex02.jpgMcBlogger has wanted me to post something about this truly horrible show for some time. Honestly, I didn't want to watch a single episode. I mean it basically combines two things that I really loathe: dating shows and Slade Smiley. Even worse, Slade Smiley in crinkle scarves! Urgh! Seriously, what was that about?

Anyway, I managed to make it through season 1 which is a dubious achievement at best. It proved to be so incredibly vapid, I honestly believe that I could have posted this without watching a fucking episode. First, the male contestants. One might be tempted to feel sorry for the idiots if they weren't such a blatantly boring, fame seeking bunch of sycophants. Some of them make my exes look good and McBlogger knows exactly how low on the evolutionary chain that puts them! Jo managed to weed out an asshole and three other guys that were just paler versions of each other. After she kicked out the troublemaker who dared to challenge Slade, any detectable novelty went out the door with him.

Yet the others remained to compete for the prize that is....Jo? Yeah, I guess Jo is okay. Okay compared to the vacuous slabs of flesh that populate the O.C. Am I alone in thinking her cute blonde friend is far more interesting? And that her brunette friend is far more beautiful? Oh and please, don't tell me it's because of her musical talent. 'You Can't Control Me' was like a cat vomiting while some bad cover band played in the background! You may absolutely love mediocre manufactured pop poop, but I doubt you'll find my sharing this a kindness.

Yet, inevitably, Slade threw his cheesy fucking cap back into the ring in the incredibly obvious big zinger of the season. There are coma victims that saw that coming. Why? Because while Jo & Slade may deign to share camera time with the others, at the end of the day it's really ALL ABOUT THEM! SURPRISE! At least Bravo kept it brief, and Jo shattered the last remnants of Slade's pride with a mercenary glee. Slade seemed to be happy with the camera time though.

So, Jo then decided to leave town with crew for San Diego. She came to the conclusion that on picking a new man, she should start fresh. I can totally see where she was coming from can't you? I mean, it would be kinda tacky to pick out her new boyfriend right in front of her old boyfriend! Which leads me to wonder why the fuck she couldn't have figured that out when the BravoProgrammingBrainTrust came 'a-calling!

So, it came down to a chipper fucker that- I shit you not- built her a bear and Printed V-Neck T-Shirt Guy. I have to call him that because there is absolutely nothing remotely interesting to say about the guy. Apparently even Jo could sense that sad fact, and she gave him the boot. Build-A-Bear must have captured Jo's heart! Yep, the business development manager, Lucas, can get ready for some serious body glitter in his future. I just hope he has some ear plugs.

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August 23, 2008

Meanwhile, In My Spam Folder

Okay, in case you have somehow managed to avoid the news, Joe Biden will either be next Vice President of Earth or the fall guy if this whole Hope and Change thing does a Lakehurst in November.

Meanwhile... The last twenty-four hours have seen an explosion of Paris Hilton-related umm, err, headers....

The Last Temptation of Paris Hilton

For something to count as a temptation, don't you occasionally have to say "no"?

Paris Hilton denies screwing Ron Paul

Thanks for that image, guys!

Paris Hilton Donates Income To Children's Hospital From Mini-Me Sex

Paris Hilton's Peach - The Secret Ingredient on Iron Chef

Paris Hilton Gives Birth To Twins...Aliens

John McCain To Paris Hilton: "Cosmo, bayatch!"

And get those alien babies the hell off my lawn!

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August 18, 2008

Yes, But Can Beer Goggles Work on Candidates?

So some English researchers spent some time and money (hopefully American because those exchange rates are AWESOME right now) doing some testing to find out that, No Shit Sherlock, the "Beer Goggles" effect really is real.

Turns out that booze may help mediocre men seem more fuckable and not just because of lowered inhibitions. Experimental psychologists at the University of Bristol in England gave 84 heterosexual college students chilled lime-flavored drinks that were either non-alcoholic or given a dose of vodka equivalent in alcohol to a large glass of wine or a pint-and-a-half of beer. After 15 minutes, the volunteers were shown photos of 40 other college students from both sexes.

Here's what they found: Both men and women who drank booze found these photos more attractive by roughly 10 percent and the effect was not specific to the opposite sex (meaning that your straight buddy may actually find you more attractive after a few vodka tonics and a backrub).

This leads us to two important issues.

One, this fantastic image.

Two, would they PLEASE find out if this effect applies to political candidates? Lord knows, it would help Texas Railroad Commission candidate Mark Thompson not look like a fucking train robber.

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July 28, 2008

Rush IS Right

From the NYT Mag cover story on Limbaugh

Limbaugh told me he is no longer concerned about the opinions of his colleagues and rivals, and he makes no effort to disguise his contempt for most of them. Michael Savage, ranked No. 3 among talk-radio hosts by Talkers magazine? “He’s not even in my rearview mirror.” Garrison Keillor? “I don’t even know where to find NPR on the dial.”

At dinner the night before, Bill O’Reilly’s name came up, and Limbaugh expressed his opinion of the Fox cable king. He hadn’t been sure at the time that he wanted it on the record. But on second thought, “somebody’s got to say it,” he told me. “The man is Ted Baxter.”

Limbaugh does have his favorites. He admires Ann Coulter’s ability to outrage liberals. He is a fan of the columnists Camille Paglia and Thomas Sowell, both of whom he considers honest thinkers. And he is especially impressed by the essays of Christopher Hitchens. “He’s misguided sometimes, but when you read him, you finish the whole article.”

Limbaugh has a deeply conflicted attitude toward Sean Hannity, his one-time stand in and now perpetual No. 2 on the Talkers list. He speaks of the younger man with the same condescending affection that Muhammad Ali once showed Jimmy Ellis, a former sparring partner turned challenger. But he wanted me to remember who is the Greatest. “I have no competitors,” he said. “Hannity isn’t even close to me.”

Rush, you're spot on about O'Reilly. As for the rest, you're actually closer to them than you'd like to think. You, much like Coulter, Hannity and Hitchens, are trapped in a failing ideology that most closing resembles, in it's long, slow death, traditional liberalism.

With that in mind, would you just go ahead and die already? Go ahead and go back on your favorite, the hillbilly heroin, and have a good time on your way to the grave.

Posted by mcblogger at 12:26 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

July 06, 2008

Includes real fake birds!

Is this real, or a parody?

Now I know what to get Sister Ruth for her birthday.

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 11:56 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

June 30, 2008

Trailer Wars : Brad Pitt

I just love it when one celeb will have movies coming out one on top of the other. I have to admit I'm very curious about 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button'. It looks like it could be interesting; It also looks like it could be thoroughly craptastic. That's what makes it curious. I guess we will have to wait until Christmas to find out for sure, but McB and I will be running book on it. The line is 2:1 that it'll suck, 5:1 that it'll be great. We're also offering 20:1 that it will be nominated for an Oscar. Yeah, I know... but we're thinking there have to be a few suckers out there... after all, people actually DID pay to see Mr. & Mrs. Smith in theaters.

Mr. Pitt also has 'Burn After Reading' coming up. Which do you think will be the better movie? I have to go with ' Burn After Reading', if only for the "security of your shit" line which totally cracks me up! It is only the second time I've ever found Brad Pitt funny. The first, of course, being when he is hit by that car in 'Meet Joe Black'. THAT was fucking hilarious. I think it was the best part of the entire movie, and I know I'm not the only one who thinks so...

Posted by barfly at 11:35 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

June 26, 2008

I'm sick of Ghostland Observatory

Actually, I'm just sick of electroclash.

Here's a question for the morning 'tards over at 101X... if you're going to play GLO, why not Ladytron? Or Peaches?

Posted by mcblogger at 11:41 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

June 23, 2008

Yes, I know. It has Dane Cook in it.

Photobucket I loathe Dane Cook. I've never been able to fathom the depths of stupidity required to find his stand up comedy routines entertaining. I have only been able to withstand one of his films which was 'Waiting...'. It's main redeeming quality is that it's a quick cure for any self esteem issues the viewer might be experiencing. Oh, and it swore me off Bennigans for eternity, so I guess that's a plus. I could not see any upside to seeing 'Good Luck Chuck'. Especially since it has Jessica Alba in it. She is a big, bright, beaming beacon of DER. If she is in a movie, it is fucking guaranteed to make you lose IQ points. To wit.

But I digress. When I saw the trailer for 'My Best Friend's Girl', it actually made me smile.



I thought, 'Holy shit, I might actually see something Dane Cook is in. This can't be real. Maybe that fucking quack was right and I DO need to cut back on my drinking!' Since then my best and worst natures have been at war in my head. Can I live with myself afterward? Maybe... if I go see it in a theater where I won't run into anyone I know. Am I alone in thinking this looks somewhat amusing? Perhaps I've just seen too many crappy movies lately.

Posted by barfly at 12:17 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 22, 2008

A fat douche says what?

Ladies and Gentleman, I give you a clearly delusional Rush Limbaugh

“I don't think my ‘profile’ needed elevation because it never waned with my audience and my audience is for whom I do my show,” Limbaugh wrote. “Not the MSM. So when the MSM decides to acknowledge my existence it doesn't mean anything to me.”

A couple of things... I'm thinking he's back on the drugs. I also think he's desperate to remain relevant to his dwindling audience (and it is dwindling, a fact which he refuses to acknowledge). All in all, it's funny as hell.

Posted by mcblogger at 08:48 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 17, 2008

Back on the Block

Embedded players are for shit...Watch the funny here.

Yep, The New Kids On The Block are not quite so new. In fact, viewing this appearance both saddened and amused me. I must admit that I have never been a fan. I guess I blame them for the rash of painted denim that plagued my junior high during their heyday. I had a friend whose mother painted the New Kids on the backs of denim jackets in all their sparkling bedazzled glory. Sound garish and gaudy? You bet! But they did go perfectly with those huge hoop earrings from Claire's. I can remember being trapped in her blue minivan on a long car ride forced to listen to 'Hangin Tough' in it's entirety. I tried to count all of the times they said girl, but lost count at 96. Anyway, cheers to the Kids, and best wishes picking the carcass of boy band fame clean. Especially Donnie.

Posted by barfly at 12:15 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 03, 2008

Ted Nugent's Mangina

In January, 2007 we posted this about Ted Nugent. Last week, Vince with Capitol Annex emailed to let me know that we were only #2 on a Google search of 'Ted Nugent' and 'mangina'. We are, of course, planning to sue Google.

And yes, I was surprised to learn that 'Mangina' is apparently a real last name. I bet that guy NEVER got beaten up when he was a kid. Not once.

Posted by mcblogger at 11:43 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 24, 2008

Endless Party Fund To Be Wasted!!!

While protesting in the United States might seem like an act in futility perpetrated by those with too much idle time and no real sense, it can actually end up being very lucrative. How can this be, you may be asking? Well before you head to Wal-Mart and start buying up poster boards and paint, and waste two hours thinking of clever slogans condemning the relocation of your favorite animal shelter, let me tell you the caveats. You will only qualify to receive any kind of monetary reward if you are a foreign citizen protesting against a socialist dictator.

Such is the case with University student Yon Goicoechea who was awarded $500,000 dollars by the U.S. based think tank, Cato Institute. The money is part of the Milton Friedman Prize for Advancing Liberty. So what terrible dictator did Goicoechea organize against? None other than the man who called George Bush “The Devil” at a United Nations General Assembly himself, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez.

The Washington-based think tank said that Goicoechea was the leading force in the student rallies held in protest of Chavez’s proposed constitutional amendments which would allow him to run for re-election indefinitely and granted him great powers to reshape the government and economy into an even more socialist mold.

$500,000 dollars is a lot of money and I mean that could potentially mean endless keg parties. But it seems that all Yon’s protesting has fried his brain and he has chosen to use the prize money to support Venezuela's student parliament, donate to his university and former school, and support a foundation he is helping to set up that will offer training to young leaders who want to play a role in politics. What a crazy guy!

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April 14, 2008

Loving the girls from NYC

I don't know if it's just me, but I wasn't really feeling The Real Housewives of NYC. McBlogger asked me to post about it, but I was hesitant. Not because I have developed better taste in TV, but because I found it boring. Perhaps I was too loyal to my little plastic angels of the OC. Then I watched last week's episode. You know, the one with the girl's night out. Yikes. Now I can't believe we only have one episode left. Just when things were starting to get good! For those of you who haven't seen it, you simply must. Bravo is all the time running marathons, just catch one and watch the entire season. You know you have the time. Here's a rundown on the characters to give you a little more incentive...

Jill. It is a good thing that she knows that she is not deep. She is a walking, talking kiddie pool. However, the fact that she owns it made me kinda like her. She has had some of the funniest observations. Yes, obnoxious yet endearing. But what gives with the fucking dog? Does it ever occur to Jill that she is feeding steak to vermin in a designer dog collar?? Seriously, the pint sized monstrosity reminds me of that urban legend. That may be her only flaw.
Well, that and the petty crap with Ramona. First with the cooking party. She should have greeted that situation with relief. The tennis payback was hilarious. Yet she spoiled her advantage by acting like a baby at the fashion show when Ramona got a better seat. She should have stayed and had fun with her gay.

Betthany. Is it just me or does one have to have a husband and/or kid to be a housewife?? Anyway, she seems nice, but, Oy! With the crying. I can not quite figure out, how in the world of reality TV, someone with so many issues can be so boring. She eats/sleeps/breathes her boyfriend, Jason, who I imagine is just frightened of being filleted by her sharp jaw and served in some appetizers. She earned extra points with the sloppy, slurred ultimatum to move in together. Hard to guess why he passed.

Ramona. You know the Bravo casting department was creaming itself when they interviewed this lunatic. Basically her emotions range from fucking insane to unrelentingly deranged. She dresses inappropriately and embarrasses the daughter, Avery. Yep, that little whipper-snapper better look alive and pick a vocation. She is 12 so, you know, tick-tock. How could that little ingrate turn down a life hawking religious jewelry? Kids today!? Anyway, Ramona was great at the girl's night out party at Jill's. I mean, holy fuck, way to have a meltdown. Everyone has been to parties where there was somebody that they did not like. You suck it up! I have found that scotch helps considerably. Anyway, she must know she threw a nutty because she recited an obviously questionable explanation to Betthany. Yes, there is no way to hide her crazy. In fact, she really needs to stay away from the dermatologist. She looks red and chafed. I would not be surprised if by next season the tip of her nose has turned black and begun to fall off.

LuAnn. Or shall I say Mrs. deLesseps?? Or possibly 4th Countess of who gives a shit?? Apart from a few remarks she seems the most sane. Which is like being the smartest kid in special ed. She wears her entitlement as effortlessly as Ramona wears her crazy. And Betthany wears her desperation. It is a good thing LuAnn treasures the title of Countess, because she won't be receiving mother of the year. She treats her children like pets. I would not be surprised if, in the future, LuAnn's Mother's Day flowers find their way to Rosanna's doorstep. Overall she has conducted herself with the minimum of regrettable actions. She seems to mostly just revel in the insanity around her. Although, she could use some work on her tact. On girl's night, she might as well have told Ramona that she did not have any class. The conversation was so transparent that even Jill's dog knew what she
was getting at. Not that I don't agree with her, but she really didn't need to be so obvious.

Alex/Simon. Because they are the same person. No, really. Why would they want to expose themselves as the blatant social climbing poseurs that they are? I don't know. It's truly amazing that they don't suffocate in the huge dog fart of pretension that surrounds them. Perhaps it is because the foul stench permeates even the vast emptiness where their souls should reside. What moral guideposts they are for their two boys. Instead of the golden rule, they can learn how to value others based on what they can do for you... and their possessions (never forget to take a moment to covet). Oh, and something tells me Francois is not a genius. He is just a kid with a built-in high school beat down because of that stupid name. Anyway, they mingled and schemed through this season, but my favorite was girl's night. A concept which puzzled Alex. Let me settle things for those as alarmingly infantile as Alex. Girl's night means 'no men'. Basically, it means no dicks, no matter how minuscule your husband's endowment happens to be. Bring Simon to a girl's night?? Hello?? I totally cracked up when upon hearing the plans, Simon
stretched all reason in order to attend. "It would be strange now if I didn't go." Uh, no Simon. It's fucking strange that you would want to be the only man at a women's dinner party. Oh wait. Maybe Simon thought that after everyone finished eating, they might let him sniff their butts.

Finally, and just a minor point, but WHO THE HELL GOES TO THE CARIBBEAN IN AUGUST?!?!?!?!?! Jill NAILED this when they were at dinner. Next season I'll give anyone 10:1 that Jill figures them out first.

Anyway, I just want to post a reminder to tune into the season finale Tuesday night. That is, if you don't have anything more fun to do. Like a colonoscopy.

Posted by barfly at 09:55 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

April 12, 2008

Sing a song about the heartland...

Sometimes, on clear sunny mid-spring afternoons, I get a tune stuck in my head and can't get it out. When that tune sucks really hard, in a profoundly trite and soulless kind of way, I know I've stumbled upon a New Country Hit. Well, today it happened again. It's irritating as shit to have a bunch of mullet-capped racket running a feedback loop through one's brain, but why not turn these lemons into some Country Time Lemonade?*

So here's the deal. We'll turn this random and regrettable mental turd into a lucrative business opportunity. We've already got the tune but we still need some lyrics for our Grand Ole Opry gem. Of course, they've got to be commercially viable lyrics if we're going to be able to sell this thing to Nashville. That means they need to be about the superiority of living in an area predominately populated by livestock, tractors and meth labs. Or a sentimental recounting of some pious yet pithy platitude you learned from your PeePaw. Or mindless adherence to "Red State" political orthodoxy.

It just so happens that in the time I've sat here in my office chair typing, I think I may have come up with a chorus that fits into that last category. Send in your suggestions for the verses' lyrics and we'll see if we can't sell it to Nashville. Proceeds will go to the McBlogger staff hospitality fund (direct donations may also be sent c/o Mother Egan's). Here's what we've got so far:

It's called the Patriot Act, so let's act Patriotic
Wave the flag and vote like you're robotic
That dang Saddam Hussein can't commandeer our planes again
(insert krappy kountry guitar lick here as bridge to second part of chorus)
Let's nuke Iran 'til they're back to sticks and rocks
Stay informed with Hume and Hannity on FOX
Support our troops and put a ribbon magnet on your new dualie
(brief fiddle interlude, also crappy, then onto next stanza)

*How many times while driving through rural America do you see small-town restaurants and gift shops, inevitably with "country" in their name, try and get cute by misspelling 'country' with a "k"? Just once I'd like to see somebody sport some faux-illiterate "country" signage that gets the 'C' right but mistakenly omits the 'O' and goes straight to the 'U'. Betcha one of them there Stuckey's pecan rolls it'll never ever happen.



Posted by hbalczak at 11:21 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 10, 2008

You're STILL here?

Two years ago, the mother of some little freakshow (we'll call her Mama Freakshow) tried to sue MySpace because her special princess hooked up with some perv and MySpace DID NOTHING TO PREVENT IT. Because parenting Mama Freakshow's kid was not so much their job.

Who knew?Oh, wait... I DID. So did a judge. Then another one. Now La Familia Freakshow is back, this time in FEDERAL APPEALS COURT fighting for the right to sue MySpace and make sure that they start protecting all the little fat girls who lie and say they are 18 so they can attract an older guy with a mullet and a 1986 Fiero. I'm sure that's it. It has nothing to do with that $30 million they hope to be awarded.

Cause they're totally giving that money away. Just like I'm going to start 'sharing' and 'playing well with others'.

Posted by mcblogger at 10:34 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Absolut Stupidity

PhotobucketIn a new Absolut Vodka ad, there is a map of North America which shows Mexico with territory it lost to the US during the Mexican American War more than 160 years ago. The ad is for the Mexican market and obviously designed to appeal to Mexican consumers. It's a jingoistic thing. Think American flags and Chevy trucks. Get it? You can move a lot of product appealing to national pride. And if you can set the whole thing to a John Cougar Mellencamp song then you, my friend, are about to have a STELLAR quarter.

Michelle Malkin, since she has a say in how Absolut markets it's vodka and is responsible to the owners of the company, feels like she should have a say in how the vodka is marketed. According to her,the ad was in poor taste. She is of course livid about the whole thing. Shelly's also threatening a boycott of the company. Because they'll really be hurting if Malkin and her followers stop taking their annual bird sips of vodka. It's not like they drink Absolut, anyway. They probably like more exotic all-American brands like McCormick or Vladimir. The kind that comes in the plastic bottles.

Malkin, your readers are trash. A boycott by them will have a minimal economic impact. This ad is a sign of a company wanting to sell vodka to people dumb who buy the advert. Nothing more.

Posted by mcblogger at 08:31 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

March 31, 2008

Notes Towards A Grand Unified Conspiracy Theory

The McBlogger-sponsored Free Chips and Salsa Resolution mysteriously "disappeared" before it could be considered by delegates at the Travis County Democratic Convention this weekend, no doubt due to the nefarious actions of the secretive Pay For Chips Lobby. Meanwhile, City Council candidate Randi Shade claims to love queso but has so far remained silent on the salsa issue.

Connect the dots, people! Connect. The. Dots.

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 03:42 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Oh, this could be good!

The Supreme Court is reconsidering the FCC's ban on profanity over the airwaves. FUCK YEAH!

Posted by mcblogger at 09:29 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

March 27, 2008

Dances With Moms (and Dads)

Creep-o-fucking-rama

Watch as 5 boys show off their oedipal complexes, while 5 girls compete to be Daddy's Special Girl! In this reality series, some of America's hottest dancers auditioned for a chance to be a part of a new dance competition show under the pseudonym "ParentFucker," but they had no idea what was really in store for them. They soon discovered that they'd be working with a partner and that their partner would be one of their parents! Gross, right? Fridays at 9 E/P

Posted by mcblogger at 08:43 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

March 26, 2008

Federbag and Paris Hilton join forces

Photobucket Kevin Federbag inexplicably turned 30 recently which completely contradicts my mother's theory that 'what goes around, comes around'. Federbag, the celebridouche golddigger, also announced that he and Paris Hilton will be joining forces to create what will surely be the most loathesome human on the face of the planet.

Posted by mcblogger at 12:33 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

March 15, 2008

...And the sun also sets

It's always sad when something you really dig starts to, well, suck. Now I guess I know how some of you readers must feel.

If you, like me, are a connoisseur of excellent television, then you've probably discovered the brilliance that is The Bad Girls Club on Oxygen. What an amazing concept... bitches, really mean and nasty bitches, taken out of their ordinary trash environment and forced to live with other trash bitches. Fucking brilliance, I tell you!

And now the ride is over. On the episode this week, they threw out the queen of the bitches, Jennavecia. Which means the conflict is gone and replaced with stoopid laughter and 'getting along'. The preview for the next episode promises some conflict... I may watch it. I may not. I don't think any one of these morons could out badass Jennavecia.

Oh, and Tenisha, brush those fucking cookie crumbs off your boobs. You're gross. Especially when you wax your face.

Posted by mcblogger at 11:48 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

March 10, 2008

Why do YOU enjoy fucking?

No, no... serious question time. Why do you enjoy fucking (or, if you're lame, sex or if you're a hopeless romantic AND lame, 'making love')? Is it the post-coital cigarette? The jewelry? Or the afterglow? Is it the orgasmic release or is it the nice long cry (that's for you Republicans... the only people I've had cry were Republicans. What IS it with y'all)? Are you doing it to have yet another kid? If so, we have to ask... are you really that comfortable burdening the earth with yet another mouth to feed? More importantly, do you intend to take said child to the movies while still an obnoxious and LOUD toddler? Will you choose to sit behind me in the aforementioned movie?

Do you really enjoy the cuddling? Or spooning, if you prefer? The money? What IS it that makes you really enjoy getting off? Hit us up in the comments or email us if you're too scared and want it posted anonymously.

Posted by mcblogger at 09:28 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

February 01, 2008

New Republican group to dump money into negative ads

Looks like there are some really rich fat, white people looking to become VERY public. And very unpopular. That's typically what happens when you start playing in politics with heavily negative groups. Like Freedom's Watch. Fresh off their unsuccessful campaign to 'catapult the propaganda' on the surge, they're now trying to scare people about illegal aliens.

Because that's worked so well for the Republicans. Their only success so far was the election of Robert Latta. In a 64% Republican OH district. Against a D who has run three times and was significantly underfunded. And may, in fact, have been mostly dead.

At this point I have to wonder, why would these people still be in business? 9/11 helped Ari's career because Bush was popular afterward. Now, Ari's real lack of talent is showing as is his rank incompetence. So who the hell would continue funding this ridiculously bad PR firm? Why none other than gambling-meister Sheldon Adelson, the billionaire chair of the Las Vegas Sands Corp. which owns the Venetian Hotel. Guess I'll be staying at the Bellagio next time I go to Vegas.

More on the group...

Freedom's Watch, with its close White House connections and network of Bob Perrys, is a whole new breed.

The group aims to raise and spend approximately $250 million for the 2008 cycle, a vast amount of money they apparently plan to use not only on the presidential election, but to greater effect in numerous House and Senate races throughout the country, where six figures can go a long way.

To review the White House connections: the group is headed by Bradley Blakeman, a former Bush White House official, Mel Sembler, a millionaire former Bush admbassador to Italy, and Ari Fleischer, who serves as the group's spokesman. Much of its support so far has come from Sembler and casino magnate and billionaire Sheldon Adelson, the sixth richest person in the world. (The group intends to "broaden its base" as time goes on, Fleischer says.) The group got off the ground with a $15 million effort to support the president's surge strategy in August, but it's sticking around for the long haul.

And more, via Carpetbagger...

Adelson personally wrote an $80,000 check to Freedom’s Watch on Dec. 7, according to Federal Election Commission documents, just four days before the election that gave Republican Robert Latta the House seat representing the district around Bowling Green. Behind a blood-red foreground, the group’s ad showed Latinos hurrying under fences and being frisked by police as a narrator accused Democratic candidate Robin Weirauch and “liberals in Congress” of supporting free health care for illegal immigrants.

Fleischer said the turn toward the immigration issue should not have been a surprise.

“To us it wasn’t a broadening” of the mission, he said. “We said prosperity through free enterprise and domestic issues were going to be on the agenda. But something had to come first, and what came first was the ’surge’ and the president’s policies in Iraq.”

Fleischer cautioned that the scope of the group’s involvement in the 2008 elections has not been decided. But the roughly $100,000 ad campaign in Ohio is a good indication.

So, lemme get this straight, Ari... you're going to use an issue that's so divisive it's tearing your own party apart and driving one of the largest voting blocs in the US to your opposition? That's sooper smart, Ari.

More on Ari and BS is over at FDL.

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January 28, 2008

Be Prepared

It wouldn't be a State of the Union address without a drinking game, would it? And while getting shitfaced, why not keep score with this handy SOTU Bingo card?

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 03:02 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

January 16, 2008

What Tom Cruise is up to RIGHT.THIS. MINUTE.

Apparently a clip of a 2004 Scientology recruitment film has hit the web that features Tom Cruise.

Now, I guess I like Tom just as much as the average American gal. Well... to be honest, I loved him in 'Magnolia', but I have to admit I'm not a huge fan. And I don't know jack shit about Scientology. I have never filled out some whacked out personality test, or been chased down the street by one of their indoctrinated victims. However, I don't think I have anything in my life so strangely disturbing, yet completely lame. Way to 'do something' Tom! Cheers!

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January 05, 2008

Thank you, Canada

Maybe it is just me, but I always have to give this little shout out whenever I stumble across Howie Mandel, Martin Short, or that fucker from 'Honey, I Shrunk the Kids'. I even have to say it whenever I hear that pretentious little whiner, Avril Lavigne. However, I think we all can agree that the major prize is Celine Dion. My reason is not the song from 'Titanic'. No, for me it will always be her grating, nasally voice on 'It's All Coming Back To Me Now', which got just as much airplay, or at least it seemed that way to me. I think that's why I enjoy this so much.

So whenever Celine kicks up my acid reflux, I just take a deep breath, and try to remember others that have come our way from the great white north. John Candy, Nelly Furtado, Ryan Gosling, Dan Akroyd, and, hell, even William Shatner.

And I guess we can all take a little Celine Dion in return for Samantha Bee.

Posted by barfly at 11:53 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

January 04, 2008

Customers Who Bought Items Like This Also Bought...

Currently 131 customer reviews of the Bic Pen...

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
Use caution in a medical setting, 24 Dec 2007
By Dr. Brown (USA) - See all my reviews

As a physician, life and death decisions are a daily occurrence. On rare days when no such decision avails itself, I go to the nearest seafood restaurant and solemnly point to the most spiteful-looking lobster and laugh menacingly as he is removed from the tank.

Nonetheless, one day I was using my Bic Crystal ballpoint pen, medium point, black, on rounds. On approach to the nurse station, a rather attractive young hire pointed out that I had a thermometer on my ear. I could only summon the wherewithal to observe that some arse must have my pen.

Please also note that the main difference between this instrument and a rectal thermometer is the taste.

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 12:16 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 30, 2007

Guys With Armored Cars Get All The Chicks

Focus groups found this 78% more effective than the Royal Navy's old recruiting slogan "Rum, Sodomy and the Lash!"

If you think that was enticing, you should see the video marketing has whipped up for the Ukrainian pizza delivery service.

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 09:30 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 23, 2007

The New Phone Books Are Here!

I still haven't finished last year's.

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 01:23 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 15, 2007

Bitch mother craps all over Christmas

What a cow...

The highlight of the day will be a low-fat macrobiotic feast prepared by their chef.

(Neither Ritchie nor Madonna cook.)

It is highly unlikely to feature turkey, as Madonna has issues with the rearing and slaughtering of poultry.

Instead of a festive bird, the "feast" will be mostly based around grains - such as quinoa - and vegetables.

Associates indicate that there will be a small amount of unsalted meat for the children and for Guy; but salty, fatty treats such as chipolatas and stuffing are completely out.

Indeed, the festive season is seen by Madonna as no excuse to stint on her punishing health regime.

She has even hired a nutritionist to advise on her children's food.

Macrobiotic feast? What the hell is that? All you can eat spirulina?These poor children are going to be so deranged when they actually try to enter society thanks to dear old mom.

Posted by mcblogger at 02:24 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Bitch mother craps all over Christmas

What a cow...

The highlight of the day will be a low-fat macrobiotic feast prepared by their chef.

(Neither Ritchie nor Madonna cook.)

It is highly unlikely to feature turkey, as Madonna has issues with the rearing and slaughtering of poultry.

Instead of a festive bird, the "feast" will be mostly based around grains - such as quinoa - and vegetables.

Associates indicate that there will be a small amount of unsalted meat for the children and for Guy; but salty, fatty treats such as chipolatas and stuffing are completely out.

Indeed, the festive season is seen by Madonna as no excuse to stint on her punishing health regime.

She has even hired a nutritionist to advise on her children's food.

Macrobiotic feast? What the hell is that? All you can eat spirulina?These poor children are going to be so deranged when they actually try to enter society thanks to dear old mom.

Posted by mcblogger at 02:24 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 14, 2007

Dumbasses In The News

No, this is not about the Legislature.

Man Accidentally Shoots Self In Buttocks

(Important to contrast this accident with the recent rash of deliberate self buttock shooting lately I guess.)

Scottsdale police Sgt. Mark Clark said Daniel Leatherman, 26, heard a disturbance outside his apartment and saw a man he knew fighting with a cab driver.

Leatherman told police that the man, Cody Nunn, 25, had assaulted him in the past, so he grabbed his gun and went outside.

Leatherman told police that he accidentally dropped the gun while hiding it behind his back and shot himself in the derriere.

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December 13, 2007

Joe Horn and the case of the premeditated murder

Joe Horn recently shot and killed two people who were leaving the scene of a burglary. Sounds OK, right? Well, not really. See it wasn't his house that was burgled and he wasn't in any sort of danger. In fact, he was in his own house, safe behind locked doors, watching the whole thing while on the phone with police who had already dispatched officers. He then left that house, after saying "I'm going to kill them". This clearly wasn't a life or death situation for Horn, it was an ambush.

Apparently, things have continued to slide downhill in Pasadena which is normally the way things go in the thrid world. Recently, a member of the Black Panthers came to Pasadena to protest in front Joe Horn's house. His neighbors and assorted other trash didn't like that. Counting the fat white people in this video is about like counting stars at night.

And now, of course, it's in the NYT. Don't think you're too superior, New Yorkers. Pasadena is like our version of Buffalo. Or Rochester.

Posted by mcblogger at 10:34 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 12, 2007

Who is the most bored of John Cusack? You, me or him?

After I first blogged about old Johnny and that sentimental tripe 'Martian Child', I suffered some remorse. Not about that particular movie, which I am fairly certain will be as craptastic as it's trailer. No, days later, I saw the trailer for 'Grace is Gone'.

I said to myself 'Holy fuck, you've gone and made fun of the asshole, and now he will be nominated for a fucking award.' Not win, mind you, but be nominated for one. As things are going though, that seems pretty far from certain. Anyway, I actually wanted to see this depress'o'rama. However, this gives me pause.

Now, I understand that nobody wants to be judged by something they did years ago, but COME ON! He is totally dissing 'Better Off Dead'. He sucks! I swear to all that is holy, if I ever run into the motherfucker, however slight that chance may be, he'll be getting another 'Two dollars'! Nothing I like better than pissing someone off, especially pretentious fucks who don't seem to understand that it's the movies he hates that really were his best.

Oh, Fuck. Don't tell me you thought Must Love Dogs was good.

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December 11, 2007

Cougars on holiday in Kenya

Just when you thought it was safe to go to Africa...

Bethan, 56, lives in southern England on the same street as best friend Allie, 64.

They are on their first holiday to Kenya, a country they say is "just full of big young boys who like us older girls."

Hard figures are difficult to come by, but local people on the coast estimate that as many as one in five single women visiting from rich countries are in search of sex.

Allie and Bethan -- who both declined to give their full names -- said they planned to spend a whole month touring Kenya's palm-fringed beaches.

A whole month touring beaches? Like hell. These two cougars are spending all their time sexing up every hot young stud they can find. Which makes me think of Cocoon for some reason.

And that makes me want to retch. Either that or buy a ticket for Kenya. I honestly can't decide.

Posted by mcblogger at 04:40 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 06, 2007

It's all in the body language

¿Quien es más macho?

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Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 06:20 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 30, 2007

Britney's got smells

No. No, I can't leave the bitch alone, mostly because she keeps doing dumb shit like making music and babies. And now, in cooperation with someone clearly crazy at Elizabeth Arden, perfume.

$10 says that one or both of these scents smells like her nasty cooter. After Kevin's... well, you get the idea.

Posted by mcblogger at 10:10 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 27, 2007

Juxtaposing

I have very rarely watched the Sundance channel. In the past, I've caught movies like 'Dogville' but I've never been a real fan. However, when the first season of Iconoclasts came on, I made it a point to tune in and check it out. It wasn't long before I gave up. It took a near-Herculean level of endurance for the tedious and
mundane. Oh, and at one point, Michael Stipe. I just did not have it in me. I have not attempted it since. In fact, when I was channel surfing with McBlogger last weekend, he queried about it. I told him that it is a show about someone you don't care about meeting with someone you care about even less.

However, like Baby's father in 'Dirty Dancing', when I am wrong, I say I'm wrong. On further investigation, it appears that they have had some fairly interesting people and pairings. They are currently wrapping up Season 3. Frankly, I have no idea what Madeleine Albright has to say to Ashley Judd, but I fully intend to find out. What the hell!

Posted by barfly at 12:51 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 25, 2007

All over this land

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 08:28 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 14, 2007

Oh. God. Why do this to us?

Right now, there are people walking around, talking and taking in oxygen that thought this was a good idea.

Posted by barfly at 08:04 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 12, 2007

They say if all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail

Man Hospitalized After Using Shotgun To Loosen Lug Nut

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 03:48 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 08, 2007

It's back to the OC...

Well, season 3 of 'The Real Housewives Of The O.C.' premiered this week , and all seems well. It appears they followed basic logic, and gave little Josephine the boot. I wish I could say that I am sorry to see her go, but nope. And BONUS, her absence guarantees a Sladeless season, so yay us!

Vicki is back and with her everything that is gross and wildly inappropriate. She is such a fucking emotional terrorist with her kids. This modern day Medea's weapon of choice is the pocketbook. She merrily handed the keys of a Mercedes to her daughter, Briana, for the small price of controlling every aspect of her life. Poor Briana. Heaven knows that girl is more normal than she has any right to be. It's not just that Vicki wants to live her life through her daughter. She wants to burrow up her asshole. And is it just me, or is Vicki jealous of Briana's boyfriend? She is so creepy with this shit that I felt my skin crawl during that awful/painful/sick lunch date. Yuck.

Tammy is a far different enabler/mother. Her two girls have recently lost their father. They are obviously having difficulty with it which sucks. Bummer. What's really a crapper is, with no last will and testament, their dad's young Thai bride gets everything. It seems the mail order wench wasted no time in showing her beloved stepdaughters the door. Not a bummer, because, frankly, I find it somewhat amusing.

Speaking of brides, Lauri is still headed down the aisle with dumb as a box of hair George. I've said it before, but what a fucking mark! She thinks someone was watching over her when she met George. I'm sure it was the divine Goddess of Mammoplasty. So basically, they are planning the wedding, and blending their two families. The girls are getting along great. No mention of Lauri's son, but my money is on contract killing. When Lauri speculates on her future marital happiness, she must see her son as the black stone rune in the divining bag.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketNot that she is the only one with questionable kids. Jeana is back and breaking out of her shell. I must admit, she has kinda grown on me. However, her sons are still repulsive. It takes a mother to greet Shane's return with such enthusiasm. Most would find it akin to a herpes outbreak, but whatever. Poor Cara is the only saving grace. It seems both boys are complete assholes. Growing up with that shitty father must have been like attending a charm school but in reverse.

The real event is the debut of the latest housewife, Tamra. She's turning 40, but still believes she is the hottest housewife in the O.C. Admittedly, she is pretty hot, be it in a 'ho for sho' kinda way. I find her somewhat yawn inducing. Oh, and what was with her 21 year old son running around with her underwear? Her response? "You punk." Huh?... Anyway, I am still optimistic. She looks like she might be luscious, so that's good. Looks like we are in for a great season! Cheers!

Posted by barfly at 05:44 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

It's back to the OC...

Well, season 3 of 'The Real Housewives Of The O.C.' premiered this week , and all seems well. It appears they followed basic logic, and gave little Josephine the boot. I wish I could say that I am sorry to see her go, but nope. And BONUS, her absence guarantees a Sladeless season, so yay us!

Vicki is back and with her everything that is gross and wildly inappropriate. She is such a fucking emotional terrorist with her kids. This modern day Medea's weapon of choice is the pocketbook. She merrily handed the keys of a Mercedes to her daughter, Briana, for the small price of controlling every aspect of her life. Poor Briana. Heaven knows that girl is more normal than she has any right to be. It's not just that Vicki wants to live her life through her daughter. She wants to burrow up her asshole. And is it just me, or is Vicki jealous of Briana's boyfriend? She is so creepy with this shit that I felt my skin crawl during that awful/painful/sick lunch date. Yuck.

Tammy is a far different enabler/mother. Her two girls have recently lost their father. They are obviously having difficulty with it which sucks. Bummer. What's really a crapper is, with no last will and testament, their dad's young Thai bride gets everything. It seems the mail order wench wasted no time in showing her beloved stepdaughters the door. Not a bummer, because, frankly, I find it somewhat amusing.

Speaking of brides, Lauri is still headed down the aisle with dumb as a box of hair George. I've said it before, but what a fucking mark! She thinks someone was watching over her when she met George. I'm sure it was the divine Goddess of Mammoplasty. So basically, they are planning the wedding, and blending their two families. The girls are getting along great. No mention of Lauri's son, but my money is on contract killing. When Lauri speculates on her future marital happiness, she must see her son as the black stone rune in the divining bag.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketNot that she is the only one with questionable kids. Jeana is back and breaking out of her shell. I must admit, she has kinda grown on me. However, her sons are still repulsive. It takes a mother to greet Shane's return with such enthusiasm. Most would find it akin to a herpes outbreak, but whatever. Poor Cara is the only saving grace. It seems both boys are complete assholes. Growing up with that shitty father must have been like attending a charm school but in reverse.

The real event is the debut of the latest housewife, Tamra. She's turning 40, but still believes she is the hottest housewife in the O.C. Admittedly, she is pretty hot, be it in a 'ho for sho' kinda way. I find her somewhat yawn inducing. Oh, and what was with her 21 year old son running around with her underwear? Her response? "You punk." Huh?... Anyway, I am still optimistic. She looks like she might be luscious, so that's good. Looks like we are in for a great season! Cheers!

Posted by barfly at 05:44 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

October 27, 2007

You just know this will be at Whataburger soon

From Forbes

CKE's Hardee's began serving its new Country Breakfast Burrito to the dismay of health nuts everywhere. The so-called breakfast sandwich contains bacon, sausage, ham, cheese, potatoes and gravy. With 920 calories and 60 grams of fat the sandwich accounts for approximately two-thirds of an average person's daily caloric intake, according to the U.S. government's Center for Nutrition Policy and Promotion.

St. Louis-based Hardee's makes no apologies for its new burrito. Marketing chief Brad Haley said: "The burrito offers the sort of big breakfast item normally found in sit-down restaurants with an added advantage. It makes this big country breakfast portable."

But health advocacy groups disagree. Jayne Hurley, the senior nutritionist of The Center for Science in the Public Interest called the burrito "another lousy invention by a fast-food company."

"We don't try to hide what these are," said Haley. "When consumers go to other fast-food places they feel like they've got to buy two of their breakfast sandwiches or burritos to fill up. This is really designed to fill you up." Hardee's is known for marketing to young males whose primary concern is for size and taste, not nutrition. Products like the Monster Thickburger are not intended for the health conscious consumer.


'Really designed to fill you up' and make you a giant fatass.

Posted by mcblogger at 10:45 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

October 23, 2007

Britney. Arrested. Again.

This time, it's for hit and run...

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketThe charges stem from an Aug. 6 wreck during which paparazzi filmed Spears steering her car into another vehicle as she tried to turn into a spot in a Studio City parking lot. The video showed her walking away after assessing the damage to her own car.

The owner of the other car, Kim Robard-Rifkin, filed a police report three days later.

Would someone please just beat this bitch down?

Posted by mcblogger at 02:51 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 18, 2007

Is that a gavel in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?

Ground control to Speaker Tom, we know you're proud of it, but are you sure you want to look so demented in the picture you paste on your emails?

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September 11, 2007

Let's Talk About Bouncing Boobs

Oh, my goodness. A story on msnbc.com just for me, boobilicious! All about bouncing boobs. How much do your boobs weigh? Factoid: D-cup gals have boobs that weigh 20 lbs! Takes a man with big hands to handle those.

And, did you know that when you run, your boobs bounce around in a figure eight pattern? The math behind this turns out to be:

During walking exercise, the women's breasts moved relatively the same amount in all directions. But when participants sped up to a jog or run, their breasts moved proportionally more in some directions than others: More than 50 percent of the total movement was in the up-down direction, 22 percent side-to-side and 27 percent in-and-out.

I did my own little physics experiment and discovered that when you sit on your ass and blog, there is a 100% downward motion of the boobs.

Posted by at 09:44 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

September 06, 2007

Ugly

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This is the Tribute Patchwork. Louis Vuitton has created 24 of these little disasters. At $52,500 a piece. Still more proof that money can't buy taste. Apparently, neither can celebrity. Beyonce was one of the lucky 24.

Hope you ladies are happy with your bags. Marc Jacobs is using your money as his cockwipe.

Posted by mcblogger at 01:59 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

August 25, 2007

When celebrities refuse to die

Sometimes it's too easy...

Apparently, Ted Nugent, at a recent concert, boldly told the audience of meatheads there to see him perform (wanna bet there was an overabundance of garbage men and relatively few doctors?) that Obama and Hillary should suck on his machine guns. He did this, of course, because sadly Ted lost his penis while he was doing a brief stint in gay porn in the early 90's. It was a truly tragi-comic rimming accident that only could have happened to the Nuge. Not having a penis, he invests his machine guns with his manhood. Thus, the comment. Don't feel too bad... it wasn't much of a loss if you know what I mean (girls talk, Ted).

Of course, why on earth he'd want head from Obama and Hillary remains a mystery. I wouldn't let either of them near my cock. I would, however, fuck the shit out of Mitt Romney.

What? Ever donkey punch someone? Trust me, it's not something you do to someone you really want to emotionally 'connect'.

Posted by mcblogger at 11:44 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

July 19, 2007

From the Dept. of Shocking Developments

Apparently, Republicans LOVE sucking them some cock...

(h/t to Sister Ruth for calling tonight to tell me about this and ask if this was normal. Dumbass)

Posted by mcblogger at 09:35 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

June 30, 2007

What's in a hand?

According to New York Magazine, more than likely your sexual orientation. The magazine has an exhaustive series on 'gayness' generally and more specifically on the genetic characteristics that differentiate gays and lesbians from heterosexuals (AKA, breeders). Here are a few characteristics found more often, for example, in gay men than in straight men:

1) Counterclockwise hair 'whorl'.
2) Being left handed
3) Index finger being longer than or as long as ring finger

Granted, none of these things are complete and total proof. For example, I know many left handed men who like to go downtown, if you know what I mean. Ewe. Straight boys are gross. However, if you have all three of these traits, send me an email and maybe we can meet for a drink, handsome!

The article delves into possible biological reasons for homosexuality as well as a cursory analysis of genetic underpinnings for homosexuality and the ethics of genetically engineering homosexuality away. The bottom line? We don't know enough and changing a child's genetics in utero is probably a bad idea. What if the purpose of homosexuality is to provide a break in certain genetic lines? What if homosexuals are in some way essential to humanity's survival as a species? What if the world becomes heterosexual only? Can you imagine the garish fashion and drab design??!?!

What those interviewed did seem to know is that the evidence all points to a genetic predisposition. Which is probably what Falwell recently found out when he finally met God. He probably also got reprimanded for pretending to talk to him all those years.

Posted by mcblogger at 04:04 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

June 23, 2007

Jake and Reese breakup?

Oh, come on... it's not like they were really together. We all know that Jake has been seeing Austin...

Posted by mcblogger at 04:57 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

June 15, 2007

A heartwarming video...

about The Celebuslut's time in jail...

Posted by mcblogger at 08:56 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

June 11, 2007

YOU KNOW WHO finds God in jail

By Wednesday she'll be a Muslim.

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 07:53 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

June 09, 2007

It's about time, HBO

In case you are living in a hole somewhere, 'The Sopranos' started airing the second half of its final season a few weeks ago and will wrap up on Sunday. All I have to say is it is about fucking time! Between the hiatus' before and during season six, it is somewhat surprising that anyone gives a shit anymore. Don't get me wrong, it's a good show that will be sorely missed once season six comes to an end. It has had such interesting story arcs and wonderful characters. My favorite has always been Silvio Dante. Who can forget how he handled Tony's Russian girlfriend, Irina, in season 2. "You got a short window. It's not good to get too hung up on any one thing." I loved it! If I could kill a character it would be a toss up between A.J. and Janice. They both suck. Anyway, just in case you feel the need for a stroll down memory lane (just in time for the finale on Sunday), here's the entire series. In seven minutes.

Posted by barfly at 11:32 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

June 01, 2007

How could you NOT trust a guy nicknamed "Big Weasel"?

California, you've broken my heart!

The founder of an anti-gang group called No Guns was arrested for allegedly selling firearms to federal undercover agents.

Hector ``Big Weasel'' Marroquin, 51, was arrested Thursday at his Downey home on charges of selling an assault rifle, a machine gun, two pistols and two silencers, said Susan Raichel, a spokeswoman for the federal Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms.

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 04:44 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 30, 2007

In honor of...

Lindsay Lohan's most recent bender, we give you an old fave...

Posted by mcblogger at 09:15 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 18, 2007

Shame

Yes, I am covered in shame. I am completely embarrassed that I am SO FUCKING GOING TO GO SEE THIS!

Would it not be totally awesome if they used 'Touch' by Stan Bush from the animated movie in this new film? You know, the song that was performed so brilliantly by Dirk Diggler in 'Boogie Nights'. You have to admit it would be a special fucking touch! Perhaps 'Nothin's Gonna Stand in Our Way' by Spectre General...? Thoughts?

Posted by barfly at 03:22 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 16, 2007

Being Bobby Brown Being An Asshole

A British crew, while filming Bobby Brown for what we must assume is one of the most tedious shows on television in the UK, caught this...

Host Jamie Campbell made a joke about having not yet attempted any "sex moves" on the star - in spite of the pair having spent 12 hours together.

Brown responded, "What the f**k do you mean sex moves? Are you gay?

"On live Tv I will f**k you up. Do you know how I could f**k you up in here?

Do you know that? Are you gay? I think you're less of a man for not answering.

"You know what would be more of a joke? If this 24 hours ended right now. I will whoop your a** in here, thoroughly."

Don't the people who decide what to put on TV in the UK realize that Bobby Brown is a former celebrity which makes him about as important as the jackass who does jingles for companies that sell vinyl siding?

Posted by mcblogger at 03:53 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Yah, and it was extra-spicy too

You can't be too careful when General Tso is operating in your vicinity.

Fargo police responded to a report of a suspicious package Tuesday night near the downtown post office.

A bomb squad robot was called in to move the bag before it was detonated by a water cannon about 10 p.m., Stone said.

“It turned out to be Chinese take-out food,” he said.

The roads were reopened and the post office resumed its normal operations shortly afterward, Stone said.

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 10:44 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

May 14, 2007

Gay baggage at carousel A

Imagine getting off a long flight, waiting for your baggage with your boyfriend and hearing on the airport PA system that gays should be put to death. That happened to one gay couple in Broward County, FL. last week. Now, the person responsible has been fired.

Good.

Superior Aircraft Services Monday took action and fired Jethro Monestime, a 23-year-old employee who last week played an anti-gay passage from the Bible's Book of Leviticus over the PA system at the Ft. Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport twice. Coincidentally (or not so coincidentally) Anthony Niedwiecki (left) and his partner Waymon Hudson had just arrived at the airport's baggage claim, where they heard the message.

According to what Niedwiecki told Towleroad shortly after the incident, "It was a recorded message and basically said that 'a man who lies with another man as he would a woman is subject to death.'"

One last time... keep your religious beliefs out of my life, OK?

Posted by mcblogger at 09:35 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 13, 2007

Fearless leader photo op of the week

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Shay, shweetheart, wha's a nice girl like you doin' in a dump like thish? Heh heh heh.

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May 10, 2007

Worst.Song.Ever

Seriously douche, this is why you're fucking lame. I'm not posting the youtube embedded player on this one. I don't want to irritate the Mayor. Just click the link and listen to the stupid.

What am I, alone here? If this is all it takes to succeed in music today then you can totally expect my 'Duets with Stylist' to hit the stores soon. Stylist's english is not all that great, but her ability to curse in cantonese AND taiwanese will make our album far superior to the one done by some asshat walking around saying "this is why I'm hot".

Mims. Dork.

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May 02, 2007

It has come to this?

"Shear Madness"? A TV show about haircuts?

Fuck me and feed me fish heads!

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 08:03 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 25, 2007

Alec Baldwin and his demon child...

Go, on... listen to it.

To all of you who think Baldwin should be beaten, grow.the.fuck.up. This isn't an 'out of control' parent, this is a parent that's pissed at the juvenile antics of his kid. Have a we really reached the point where some of y'all are so thin skinned that you can't handle someone calling their kid a 'rude little pig'? Trust us, your kid probably isn't the baby angel you think. Doesn't look like Ireland is, either. You know how I know? Because I was a rotten kid as well. Only difference is that my parents were totally on to my bullshit.

Honestly, Barfly and I have both heard worse. Any nutty my mom's thrown over the years far exceeds a shouting voice mail. And we'd have just laughed at 'rude little pig'.

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April 23, 2007

Thou Shalt Always Kill

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Rip 'n' Read Time Again

Man Says Lesbian Book Caused 'Sleepless Nights'

I'll bet.

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April 20, 2007

Paris has a new boyfriend...

Karma is a bitch...

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April 19, 2007

PSA : DON'T block Joe Pesci's driveway

Turns out that Robbie Williams lives next door to Joe Pesci. I never thought I'd hear of stranger, more dissimilar neighbors than myself and the freaks who live next door to me. They are working hard to make their house look like a crack den, despite the efforts of our HOA. Still, Robbie Williams and Joe Pesci?

Apparently, Robbie wanted to have some friends over for a soccer game. One of the players decided to park his car in a way that partially blocked Pesci's driveway.

The Goodfellas actor lives next door to the former Take That singer in the Hollywood Hills and was furious when he realised where one of Williams' pals had parked.

Williams had invited a host of his English pals to play soccer at his home, which had its own full-sized football pitch, and did not have enough driveway space to accommodate all their vehicles, much to the disdain of Pesci.

British newspaper Daily Mirror reports Pesci stormed out of his home, brandishing a golf club and shouting, "Which one of you mother****ers blocked my drive? If you don't move in 30 seconds, I'm gonna smash your windscreen."
A friend of Williams said: "At first, Robbie stood there smirking when Pesci bounded over waving a club. But he quickly realised the seriousness of the situation and ordered his pals to move their cars.

"Robbie has never had any sort of dispute with his neighbours before and has now given his mates strict instructions to steer clear of Pesci's driveway."

It's been a while since we at McBlogger have done a PSA on things not to do. So, here's a list...

1) Don't take dieting tips from Linda Harper-Brown
2) Don't take Leo Berman on a trip to South Texas
3) Don't trust Tom CradDICK
4) Don't block the bar. I mean, really, this one should be self-evident but it's surprising how many of you don't get it
5) Always wear underwear. Especially if you're going out for the night with Paris Hilton.


Posted by mcblogger at 04:37 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

PSA : DON'T block Joe Pesci's driveway

Turns out that Robbie Williams lives next door to Joe Pesci. I never thought I'd hear of stranger, more dissimilar neighbors than myself and the freaks who live next door to me. They are working hard to make their house look like a crack den, despite the efforts of our HOA. Still, Robbie Williams and Joe Pesci?

Apparently, Robbie wanted to have some friends over for a soccer game. One of the players decided to park his car in a way that partially blocked Pesci's driveway.

The Goodfellas actor lives next door to the former Take That singer in the Hollywood Hills and was furious when he realised where one of Williams' pals had parked.

Williams had invited a host of his English pals to play soccer at his home, which had its own full-sized football pitch, and did not have enough driveway space to accommodate all their vehicles, much to the disdain of Pesci.

British newspaper Daily Mirror reports Pesci stormed out of his home, brandishing a golf club and shouting, "Which one of you mother****ers blocked my drive? If you don't move in 30 seconds, I'm gonna smash your windscreen."
A friend of Williams said: "At first, Robbie stood there smirking when Pesci bounded over waving a club. But he quickly realised the seriousness of the situation and ordered his pals to move their cars.

"Robbie has never had any sort of dispute with his neighbours before and has now given his mates strict instructions to steer clear of Pesci's driveway."

It's been a while since we at McBlogger have done a PSA on things not to do. So, here's a list...

1) Don't take dieting tips from Linda Harper-Brown
2) Don't take Leo Berman on a trip to South Texas
3) Don't trust Tom CradDICK
4) Don't block the bar. I mean, really, this one should be self-evident but it's surprising how many of you don't get it
5) Always wear underwear. Especially if you're going out for the night with Paris Hilton.


Posted by mcblogger at 04:37 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

In heaven there is no beer

However, that is not the case in Wisconsin...

MADISON — Beer lovers of Wisconsin, rejoice! Thanks to the state Senate, you’re a step closer to getting a free (yes, free!) half-can of beer.

The Senate today approved a bill on an unanimous voice vote that allows grocery and liquor stores to hand out samples of up to 6 ounces of free beer per day to people of legal drinking age. The Assembly was expected to take up the measure later today.

Russ Feingold AND free beer? Behold, the power of cheeseheads!

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April 18, 2007

Amid controversy, Oklahoma legislators choose state vegetable

The watermelon.

State Senator Don Barrington, R-Lawton, sponsored the bill in the state Senate.

"The controversy on whether watermelon is a fruit or vegetable has been officially decided by the Oklahoma Legislature," Barrington said. He said watermelon comes from the cucumber and gourd families, which are classified as vegetables.

Others are not convinced, however. Sen. Nancy Riley, D-Tulsa, said her dictionary refers to the watermelon as a fruit.

"I guess it can be both," Barrington conceded, while adding that Oklahoma already has designated the strawberry as the state fruit.

He said Oklahoma Department of Agriculture officials had advised anyone to answer "yes" to the question of whether watermelon is a vegetable or a fruit.

In Washington, aides for a disappointed Senator James Inhofe pointed out that the Sooner State Republican is still in the running to be named State Nut.

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Sanjaya! Maxim's girl of the day...

For yesterday, but we were dealing with some shit yesterday...

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketSanjaya Malakar

Age: 17

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow: You've no one but the Devil's lawyer to blame for this androgynous American Idol stowaway, who, despite being detested by the judges, somehow remains in the hunt for the show's coveted prize as this year's top 40 footnote. We stopped watching after the auditions (the only digestible part of the show), but it's our understanding that we have Sanjina to thank for the "ponyhawk," a hair-novation destined to tickle your underarm as you noogie hordes of copycat hipsters.

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April 14, 2007

Can you take me to HymieTown?

OK, I gotta tell you, Al Sharpton coming out against el douche supreme Don Imus is kinda irritating... Al, quit inserting yourself into everything. No one has to kiss your ring. Trust me, I think you're a fabu guy and a real leader... don't roll around in every pile of shit that gets dropped in NY metro.

As for Jesse Jackson getting in on the action, Oh.Hell.No. Not the mayor of HymieTown. By the way, does anyone have a copy of Eddie Murphy's Don't Let Me Down,HymieTown? I've got the lyrics posted in the SS... I would buy drinks for someone who sent me a link to the video.

Another perspective? He makes some good points though I think he's needlessly hostile to Sharpton.

Good e v ening, ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jess e Jackson.
(audience cheers)
And I was re cently quoted in "The Washington Post"
as referring to a certain group of people as "H ymies."
The y also said that I called N ew York, "H ymietown."
I realize that kind of talk isn't kosher,
but let me s ee if I can explain it to you all in song.
(R&B music plays)
As I said, I'm Jess e Jackson,
and I'm running for President of the U nited States.
I'm a Libra,
and this is a v ery spe cial message to all you chos en people out there.
- Don't let me down - Jess e: No, no
- Don't let me down - No, no, no, no
Don't let me down...
H ymietown
Hymietown, well, well Hymietown...
I was your one and only until I read the news
Well, now I'm sad and lonely since I put down the Jews
Well...
We hav e so much in common
'Caus e we'v e both been so oppress ed
Singer: All right
We both hav e big nos es
And gold chains on our chests
I wanna say pleas e now
- Don't let me down - I'm begging you, pleas e
- Don't let me down - I'm down on my knees, well
- Don't let me down - H ymietown
Hymietown, well, well... Hymietown...
I want to form a new coalition,
of soul people and bagel people.
From the Chitlin' District, to the Diamond District.
From catfish to gefilte fish.
We all need to liv e as one.
I want to look out ov er the crowd and s ee both leather hats
and yarmulkes side by side.
So come on, you brothers and sisters...
all you hymies and hymettes...
- Let's get it together. - Yeah!
Let's bring it all down, well, well, well
I wanna talk about lov e for one another
H ymietown...
Want to form a soul and kosher coalition
I lov e thos e black suits you wear
And them little tiny curls that hang down in your hair
You know we all need one another
I want to stay right here in H ymietown, well, well
With all my hymie brothers and sisters
Sometimes I feel a little hymie mys elf
Baruch ata adonai
H ymietown.

Posted by mcblogger at 11:44 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 13, 2007

Goodbye Anna Nicole, or, More booze for the rest of us

I once thought blogging anything about Anna Nicole Smith was beneath me. McBlogger does not agree. I guess once you admit to religiously watching Britney Spears' 'Chaotic', you pretty much lose any ability to claim that your tastes are more refined. So with all the paternity hullabaloo coming to end, I think it is time to say farewell to the gold digging, baby voiced train wreck that was Anna Nicole Smith.

When I heard Anna died, it did not really surprise me. Anyone who watched her 2002-2004 reality show on E! had to know that it was a complete tick-tock situation. Don't get me wrong, I was a huge fan of the show! Never missed an episode! I confess I watched in glassy eyed fascination as she wallowed on the couch whining for a pickle while her tooth less cousin cased the grounds outside. The Christmas special was my favorite, but I have a special place in my heart for every moment. Well... maybe not the moments with Bobby Trendy. He was/is so
fucking gross! With that one exception, it is fair to say that I was totally addicted! In fact, I once even had a guy tape an episode that I was going to miss. He later called to tell me to throw away the tape. Apparently, the tape he had given me had porn on it. Not that I cared. However, how fucking pathetic are you that you can't just buy porn on DVD like everyone else? Taping late night Skinemax is beyond lame!

Anyway, my point is anyone who watched the show knows that there was no fucking way Howard Stern was the father of Dannielynn. ( Which, by the way, is an awful name. Could nobody get the damn woman a book of baby names? She was barely coherent sober and she is naming a human being! For shame!) During the taping of
the show one could clearly observe that she was heavily under the influence. A diet of pickles and pills will do that to you (I like to follow a more sensible diet of Scotch and cigarettes). Even in that condition, it was obvious that Anna had zero desire to fuck Mr Stern. And, if memory serves, she was very open to any options. I think at one point she even took to humping the furniture. Anyone could tell that Howard was there to make sure life ran smoothly for Anna. His daily tasks probably included everything from reviewing endorsement offers to
fetching a fried twinkie. There was no passion there. Case closed.

So DNA has proved that Larry Birkhead is the dad and he seems pretty happy about it.I don't really know why, but whatever. I hope that pretty much wraps it up. I mean how much coverage does Anna Nicole Smith's death/paternity suit really deserve? And, please media outlets, for the love of all that is holy, stop comparing Anna to
Marilyn Monroe! I am talking to you, Entertainment Tonight! Besides blonde hair, big boobs, and Playboy, the two had very little in common. It is really an insult to Marilyn Monroe's memory if you ask me.


Check this out when you have some time
. I think it says goodbye to Anna Nicole Smith with all the dignity she deserves.

Posted by barfly at 11:17 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 11, 2007

Viva Sanjaya!

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketHoward Stern has decided to fuck over American Idol by supporting the worst of the current crop of contestants.

In a recent New York Times article, Howard Stern was given much of the credit for helping to support a vote for the worst campaign that has allegedly helped to keep Sanjaya Malakar in the American Idol competition. Stern was quoted in the article as saying “All of us are routing ‘American Idol.’ It’s so great. The No. 1 show in television and it’s getting ruined.”

I LOVE THIS. I'm not a huge Stern fan... I think he's the patron saint of geeky looking men who drive Trans Am's and wear gold chains. However, I do share his disdain for American Idol and think this just fucking rocks!

Posted by mcblogger at 10:53 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

April 03, 2007

Going through my head...

I don't know why but this song has been going through my head for the last two days. I think I'm going to blame 101X which is what my alarm is set on. I think they are playing it in the mornings.

Posted by mcblogger at 09:08 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 02, 2007

It's opening day

...and our society is renewed through the annual rebirth of our national pastime with all its attendant traditions and glories: the crack of the bat, the artistry of a well-turned double play, and of course the insights of the fans, many of whch are not necessarily safe for work.

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March 27, 2007

K-Fed is NOT looking to get back with his meal ticket

Just in case you were wondering, Kevin Federline is NOT looking to get back with Britney. Because she's fucked up and all. And he's super important.

A source told Us Weekly magazine: "I talked to Kevin about Britney and he said he's not getting back together with Britney. At least not right now. He just wants to be a friend for her.

"She has told him she would get back with him, but he's trying to just do the right thing for everyone right now, but he doesn't want to go back there again."

Another source claims the couple were close to working out a divorce settlement earlier this year, until Britney's wild partying caused Kevin and his lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan, to intervene.

Britney has reportedly fallen for RIVA lead guitarist Jason Filyaw after meeting him at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.

Does anyone even care about K-Fed any more? Did anyone ever care about K-Fed? Oh, yeah Kevin. I totally believe that Britney wants your skank ass back.

Posted by mcblogger at 01:27 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

March 24, 2007

They meant his career

Apparently, the fine folks at Wikipedia make mistakes, just like real humans. They're cool like that. The Statesman, being neither human or cool, is shocked because the Wikipedia entry for alleged comedian Sinbad declared him dead.

Actor-comedian Sinbad had the last laugh after his Wikipedia entry announced he was dead, the performer said Thursday.

Rumors began circulating Saturday regarding the posting, said Sinbad, who first got a telephone call from his daughter. The gossip quieted, but a few days later the 50-year-old entertainer said the phone calls, text messages and e-mails started pouring in by the hundreds.

"Saturday I rose from the dead and then died again," the Los Angeles-based entertainer told The Associated Press in a phone interview.

The St. Petersburg-based nonprofit organization, which describes itself as "the free encyclopedia that anyone can edit," leaves it to a vast user community to catch factual errors and other problems. Apparently, someone edited it to say Sinbad died of a heart attack. By the time the error was caught, e-mail links of the erroneous page had been forwarded to hundreds of people.

A note on Sinbad's Wikipedia page Thursday night said the site has been temporarily protected from editing to deal with vandalism.

Wikipedia was created in 2001 as a Web research tool. It has more than 1.6 million articles, contributed by members of the public.

A telephone call and an e-mail left for Wikipedia were not immediately returned Thursday night.

When asked if he was upset about the mix-up, Sinbad, whose real name is David Adkins, just laughed.

"It's gonna be more commonplace as the Internet opens up more and more. It's not that strange," the Los Angeles-based entertainer told the Associated Press in a phone interview.

Sinbad, who is currently on the road doing stand up, said he hasn't received an apology from the Internet site. He has appeared in the films, "Houseguest," and "Jingle All the Way."

And for all of us who actually sat through 'Houseguest' I'd like to request a time machine so I can go back to talk Sinbad's mother into forcing him to be a bloodsucking lawyer or a doctor, ANYTHING other than a bad comedian!

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March 20, 2007

...And they all work for Republicans

More than 30% of residents in Washington, D.C. are functionally illiterate. How's that for national pride? At a time when we are spending outrageous sums giving tax cuts to the wealthy and fighting a war with a country that didn't attack us, more than 30% of the people in our nation's capitol can barely write their names.

So much for No Child Left Behind and the future of our workforce.

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March 08, 2007

Oh shut up, Elizabeth

Here's the footage of Rosie making Elizabeth 'Vacuous' Hasselbeck cry.

As much as I dislike Rosie, she was spot on with this and Elizabeth is wrong. Elizabeth's the weakest, most pathetic kind of American citizen, willing to give up freedom for temporary security. To paraphrase Benjamin Franklin, those who would give up the former deserve neither freedom nor security and will eventually lose both.

Hasselbeck is now looking to obtain a less stressful position on E! and Rosie is now looking for a Carl's Jr. franchise to consume.

Posted by mcblogger at 12:29 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

March 07, 2007

I didn't win...

I was certain I would win MegaMillions, despite the foolish overconfidence of certain people. However, I heard the news this AM on CNBC... two winning tickets, one in NJ another in GA. My heart sank as I realized I couldn't have purchased either of the winning tickets. I was not in either state yesterday.

And that thought cheered me up.

Oh, I didn't NEED the money. I just wanted it because I've always had a longing to totally ruin my life. Now, finally, I'd have the money to become a real degenerate and drag others along for the ride. But it was not meant to be. So, I'm forced to continue being a productive member of society.

Maybe I'll start smoking during the day again?

Posted by mcblogger at 10:46 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

March 02, 2007

The wicked mad bitches of the OC

(McBlogger's note : My Sister has been watching this crap so you don't have to. Catch up on all the greta commentary on the Real Housewives of OC here)

I find that I am am only moderately invested in Season 2 of the Real Housewives of the O.C. It has lost some of it's spark. Not that I am not watching the lifestyles of the rich and soulless, it's just not something I care about as much as say 'steak' or 'scotch'.

Vickie

She is the most transparent of them all! Who else loved her meltdown over the minivan when she was going on vacation? It was fucking hysterical! Who did not find the trip to Lake Havasu a little nauseating? Vickie + beer= gross. I get so embarrassed for her. She obviously thinks that she's hot which makes the fact that she is not all the more apparent. Her husband, Donn, is exhausted by her' energy', so she seeks the council of an astrologer. Because that is what all competent, intelligent women do.

Actually, I only use an astrologer for advice on business. Everyone knows that good reliable advice on personal affairs can only be obtained via palm reader. Anyway, it appears that Vickie's stars are behind her particular
type of crazy which thrilled her to no end. And what is up with those damn jersey shirts all of them are sporting? Did you notice Vickie's hot pink number with the huge bedazzled thing between her enormous knockers? That thing was bigger than a baby's head. Is it just me or does Vickie look like a Jim Henson creation? The lady is a fucking Fraggle.

Tammy

She seems so nice and, dare I say, normal. How she ended up with those wacky daughters I haven't quite figured out. The oldest, Megan, kinda looks like the sister in the Twilight Zone movie. You know that segment with Kathleen Quinlan in it? Anyway, she has found her Price Charming in Roman, a pit bull breeder. The
youngest, Lindsey, is a shell of a person who bemoans the bleak life ahead of her without horses. She is a prime example of how homeschooled kids are weird. It does not help that Tammy treats her like she is made of fucking glass. Hell, when the girl had a car accident, Tammy thought it was cute! I just don't get it. I just can't relate. McBlogger and I grew up in an enviroment where we were told that life wasn't fair and to suck it up from the get go. We don't do feelings. Anyway, maybe Tammy will fair better with her son, although I doubt it.

Jeana

And speaking of fucking kids! Jeana seems like a genuinely nice person. They have given her more play so far this season. Don't get me wrong. She is still a brown bird, but I don't mind her as much.That being said, she has committed a crime against humanity for burdening the world with her son Shane. He is such an
argument for abortion. When he constantly referred to Tammy, who was a guest in their home, as 'Tits' I wanted to kick him in the fucking head. What a loser. I actually felt sorry for that vacuous beauty queen he flew in from Canada.

Jeana's other kids seem relatively okay. What gives with that cancer of a husband of hers? I mean nothing says love like constant criticism and negativity. Between her spouse, demon spawn, and mangy dogs, I don't know how Jeana holds it together. I have decided she must be on some mission from God. And NAR.

Lauri

I think we will all remember where we were when Lauri said she was a Republican. I know it was a moment that I will always treasure. It was bittersweet for she revealed that she really has no idea what that means, but she knows she is one. I know a couple of other things that also could define Lauri, but I digress. Lauri has found her
salvation in clueless George. I mean, come on! Have you ever seen a bigger fucking mark? She has managed to put one child in lock up, and is fast on her way to throwing another on the street over cat shit. I am not really invested in it though, because the kids are assholes. I wonder where they get it from? Oh, and I love her pebbles of wisdom about how being wealthy sure as hell beats being poor. What a sage! Call me crazy, but I might have to have that embroidered on a fucking pillow!

Jo

Of Josephine! My little disappointment! The little minx that I have long championed has turned into a narcissistic spoiled twit. Hello, who else agrees that the bitch can't sing? Am I alone here? I mean I almost feel sorry for Slade. The passive aggressive torture she subjects him to is just plain cruel. I know she is pissed that he dated Lauri, but have it out and be done with it. I loathe passive aggressive people. It is such a chicken shit way to be.

Photobucket - Video and Image HostingI love how when she was leaving, she drew reference to the pink boa AND the discarded license plate from
season one. Why doesn't she just shoot him in the heart with rock salt and dance about pouring lemon juice on him? Oh, and by the way, what the fuck happened to Slade's youngest son? Did they sell him for Jo's studio time? What a fucking waste! Anyway, here's hoping for a brighter future! Jo is out and paying her own way, which (P.S.) is okay with her. I fucking loved it when she said that to Slade. Classic!!!!

Anyway, to be technical, Jo should be kicked off the show. She is no longer a housewife or living in the O.C. Would I miss her? Perhaps. But only if she pulls her head out of her ass, and starts acting like the lovable trollop we all know she can be. What a fucking titbaby.

Posted by barfly at 12:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 27, 2007

Chippendales in Lubbock

I know y'all were worried about the Chippendales dancers that were arrested in Lubbuttocks. So, I thought an update was in order from the HouChron (via Off the Kuff)

A troupe of Chippendales dancers won't face criminal charges for a West Texas performance featuring "pelvic thrusts" that prompted police to shut down the show and jail the dancers.

The Lubbock County District Attorney's Office told police Thursday that eight dancers, their manager, a promoter and a manager at the sports bar won't be prosecuted on misdemeanor charges, and city officials also said they wouldn't pursue the case.

The men were arrested Feb. 16 at Jake's Sports Cafe during the first of three sold-out shows for the troupe famous for it's beefcake dancers. Police alleged that the dancers were performing a sexually oriented show without the proper permits. The show was shut down after one dancer, whom police said has his pants open, made "pelvic thrusts" in front of a woman's face.

The group spent a night in jail before being released without having to post bond.

Scott Stephenson, owner of Jake's Sports Cafe, said he plans to invite the all-male review back.

You all know the saying about holding out both hands, wishing for one to fill up and... well, if you don't know the rest just email me. Yes, I'll ask how long you've lived in Texas.

Posted by mcblogger at 05:49 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 24, 2007

Guns don't kill people

People kill people!

Adams was with 12 American tourists who hired a driver to explore Costa Rica for a few hours. They were climbing out of the van to visit a Caribbean beach when three men wearing ski masks ran toward them, she said. One held a gun to her head, while the other two pulled out knives.

Suddenly, one of the tourists, a U.S. military veteran trained in self defense, jumped out of the van and put the gunman in a headlock, according to Limon police chief Luis Hernandez.

Hernandez said the American, whom he refused to identify, struggled with the robber, breaking his collarbone and eventually killing him. Police identified the dead man as Warner Segura, 20. The other two assailants fled.

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 03:01 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

February 22, 2007

Paging Warren Chisum! Paging Warren Chisum! Would Warren Chisum please pick up the white courtesy phone?

The Day the Earth Stood Still Being Remade for 2008 - Confirmed!

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 07:39 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 17, 2007

Meanwhile, back in flyover country

LUBBOCK, Texas — Police arrested eight Chippendales dancers and three others during the first of three sold out performances Friday, accusing them of violating the city's adult entertainment ordinance.

Officers raided Jake's Sports Cafe about 30 minutes after the show started and the venue was closed. They arrested the venue's manager, the show's promoter and the dancers' manager along with the dancers in front of a disgruntled crowd of women.

Shortly after, several hundred women began chanting, "Bring them back, bring them back" and "the City Council sucks, the City Council sucks."

Authorities say the dancers violated a city ordinance which bars contact between entertainers and patrons. Lt. Greg Stevens of the Lubbock Police said the dancers were simulating sexual positions with audience members.

And of course, that could lead to dancing.

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 09:14 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 14, 2007

An idea that doesn't rock

So, you break into someone's house and steal a bunch of stuff including an XBOX 360 and some games. However, you forget the power supply. What now?

Call Microsoft technical support, register the product and ask them to ship you a new power supply. Criminals in New Zealand are way stupid.

The saga began when a man accused of receiving a stolen Xbox 360 contacted Microsoft to register the stolen machine - and to ask for a replacement power cord.

Police suspected that the man had links to a burglary ring in Wellington, but Microsoft would not pass details to police till they obtained a court-issued search warrant - nearly two weeks after the theft.

The Xbox 360 and games, valued at more than $700, were among items stolen on January 23 from a Mt Victoria property.

The next day, a man telephoned Microsoft, quoting the stolen Xbox's serial number and asking for a new power cord - which had been left behind in the theft. Microsoft recorded the man's name, phone number and address to mail him the part.

Good to know that Mickeysoft likes to keep their customers private. Even the ones who stole their machines. Now if only they weren't such a drag about using MSOffice on more than one computer.

Posted by mcblogger at 03:35 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

February 10, 2007

Fuck the RIAA

The RIAA must be full of some of the dumbest people in the universe. They go after a mother not to long ago, don't get much out of it except a PR black eye. So they then turn around and go after her kid who countersues them for collusion and asks for a jury trial.

Real smart, these guys.


Posted by mcblogger at 10:31 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Fuck the RIAA

The RIAA must be full of some of the dumbest people in the universe. They go after a mother not to long ago, don't get much out of it except a PR black eye. So they then turn around and go after her kid who countersues them for collusion and asks for a jury trial.

Real smart, these guys.


Posted by mcblogger at 10:31 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

January 26, 2007

Res ipsa loquitur

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January 16, 2007

Got cabin fever yet?

Central Texas has been paralized by a quarter-inch of ice and snow for almost a WHOLE DAY and it's no surprise that tempers are getting frayed and stocks of alcohol are getting low. Why not find a craft project to pass the time? Why not build a model Starship Enterprise out of a floppy disk?
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

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January 14, 2007

Yes, it's me. I totally own it.

HELLO. MY NAME IS BARFLY AND I'M A PETTY BITCH.

Today, one of my friends told me I was mean. We were talking on the phone about some random people we saw last week. I made a comment about a young woman who propositioned my friend at the bar. She basically asked him to ditch his friends (a group that included myself) and service her. I wasn't criticizing her, it was just a tiny observation. His response was 'You're mean'.

Stunned, I responded with a whiny 'No I'm not'! However, what I was really thinking was 'If you think that was bad you are in for a fucking world of hurt, my friend'. An hour later, thinking about the conversation, it occurred to me that maybe I could stand to let a few things go without comment every once in a while. So it is in that spirit, and
in honor of my extremely judgmental friend, I present this without comment.

Seriously. Not one fucking word.

Posted by barfly at 12:05 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

January 05, 2007

IT LIVES!

I hope everyone enjoyed the holidays! Today is the first day that everything has kinda returned to normal. It took me forever to take the damn decorations down. I am just glad that it is over. Not that I don't love Christmas. I really am one of those people. Most holidays for me are a festive mixture of merriment and feeling like shit. Both compliments of my dear, close pal, Mr. Scotch. He was good to me this year. Especially when my cousin presented me with my gift. For the record, I gave her a lovely pair of earrings. Flashy yet conservative. Elegant. She fucking gave me Kate Spade's 'Manners'. I shit you not. I expect more from them, though I shouldn't. She's in college right now and Neiman's is expensive. So, you skimp where you can... making do with only one pair of Chanel sunglasses is tedious, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Oh, definitely skimp on gifts for family. McBlogger says they're just trash. I'm inclined to agree. Two years ago she gave me a purse which was clearly from Target. McBlogger and I set it on fire later that night while singing 'O Holy Night'. It was really more touching and tasteful than it sounds.

Needless to say, I was really looking forward to New Years. 2006 was not one of my best years. They say every year is a gift and for me, 2006 was a gift wrapped in a brown paper with dog shit smeared on it. I was glad to see it go and made plans to celebrate with friends. I just did not take into consideration that my tolerance has lowered over the last year. I just don't go out much anymore and am seriously out of binge drinking practice. I wasn't bad, but there is a strong chance that I was THAT girl. You know what I mean. It took me a while to recover. Feliz Ano Nuevo con gripe del coctel, and I know I wasn't the only one.

Now I just have to get through my birthday. A friend of mine has offered to take me some place 'entertaining'. He said it is seedy, dirty, and there is a distinct possibility that I might get stabbed. WOOHOO! Let's go out and chop it up! Let's put a brick through the other guy's windshield!

I don't want anything for my birthday because Bravo is giving us all another season of 'The Real Housewives of the O.C.'! Hell yeah! I've already checked the bios to get a sneak peek at the feast to come. Jeana is back as if anyone gives a shit. Her bio does mention that she appeared in a ZZ Top video. I wonder if she was the one in the white pleather outfit? Vicki is back to provide more unintentional funny. Same with Laurie. It seems she has found a sugar daddy, but still works with Vicki. Don't worry about her little scamp of a son. She has packed him off to a State-run boarding school where I am sure he will receive all of the affection, love, and support that he needs (and get his very own works). They appear to have dumped Kimberly which was a step in the right direction clearly! They have replaced her with the reptilian Tammy Knickerbocker. She's the O.C. rebel, who just happens to have the same boobs as every other woman in O.C. One has to wonder, is there only one plastic surgeon who does the 'through the nipple' implant?

Anyway, you know the show is all about Jo. I am sure that sassy little minx won't disappoint. It appears Slade is still hanging in there. I can't wait to see the catfight between Jo and Laurie over that repulsive sack of flesh! What about you? All I know is I am pumped! Let's get ready to rumble!

Posted by barfly at 10:30 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 28, 2006

When Dolphins Attack

They say dolphins' intelligence rivals that of humans (or at least that of the Texas Legislature}. God help us if they ever develop nuclear weapons.

A New Zealand woman is in critical condition in hospital after being crushed by a dolphin that leaped on to her boat, media reported on Wednesday.

The 27-year-old woman had been watching from the bow of the small boat cruising among the marine mammals off the North Island's Coromandel Peninsula on Tuesday when the bottlenose dolphin landed on her, the New Zealand Herald said.

She suffered serious head injuries and was flown to hospital in Auckland.

The dolphin also smashed the boat's windshield and bow rails before jumping back into the ocean, witnesses told the Herald.

Remember, if a cow could eat you, it would.

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 08:41 AM

December 25, 2006

Okay, just one more then I swear I'm giving them up

Merry Christmas, suckers!

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 04:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 24, 2006

Another one of those oh-so-funny YouTube things that are so popular these days

Way back when I was just a lad any sort of phrase or item of popular culture followed a predicatable arc from actually being "new" and thus "cool" to being "square" or "totally lame":

1. Actual teenagers use it
2. Rock musician uses it
3. Hollywood uses it
4. Johnny Carson uses it
5. Time Magazine uses it
6. The President uses it

I guess you know what to expect in the State of the Union this January.


Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 12:52 PM

December 17, 2006

Dick Wolfe must be stopped

Word on the street is that the NBC crime drama mogul will roll out his new series Law and Order: SUV in January with a two hour special OJ: If I Drove It.

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 11:19 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 16, 2006

"You could put an eye out!"

How many times did I hear that admonition! And while that may have been true, I never actually knew it to happen; no more than eating my vegetables meant I'd grow up to be President. Unlike today's children with their videogames and playdates, I remember a time of unregimented mayhem, of skinned knees and rock fights. Dangerous playground equipment that today would get people sued within an inch of their lives. And of course drooling over toys like the Authentic Johnny Reb Cannon.

Okay, okay, I know... dangerous toys are bad. Kids today are probably better off today being groomed as junior consumers than we were running around like a bunch of wild Native Americans. Still, what with people today being shot while standing in line to buy Playstations and Nintendo remote controls flying through the air busting things up {Hey! You could put an eye out!} I just can't help wondering if junior Einsteins weren't better off with the the U-238 Atomic Energy Lab.
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 08:40 AM

December 14, 2006

He told her she looked fat

Maybe y'all saw this, but I missed it when it happened years ago. Apparently a women had an argument with her boyfriend. They ended the argument still screaming at each other and the boyfriend went to bed. The woman then took the step of coving her sleeping boyfriend's genitals in sterno and lighting them on fire.

I thought everyone was supposed to be nice in Canada, eh?

This all happened in April, 2001 so the woman has been tried and convicted. She was released pending sentencing which apparently takes as long for a pyro in Canada as it does for a sociopath here in the US. Unfortunately, she violated the release and will be spending the holidays in jail.

Police arrested Andree Rene last week after she failed to turn up in court for sentencing arguments on a charge of aggravated assault. She was ordered Monday to remain in custody until her Jan. 8 sentencing hearing. Rene, who will turn 44 next week, was led into the courtroom in handcuffs. They were taken off briefly when she was questioned in the witness box.

So, I guess poor impulse control and lover's quarrels aren't uniquely American.

Posted by mcblogger at 12:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 13, 2006

How to do something nobody needs to do

I don't know how, or why it happened. But, without warning, Google changed. No more the simple virginal expanse of white with nothing but a box for me to type in whatever my desire of the moment might be. Suddenly, there were links... to the sort of headlines that CNN deems worthy of my attention, a clock, and the "How To Of The Day". In this case, How To Fix A Dented Ping Pong Ball.

Now friends, I can understand being frugal. The sentiment "waste not, want not" is not unknown to me. But Jesus Fucking Christ, the damn things are three for a buck! Live large, Scrooge! Next time you have a dented ping pong ball, get a new one!

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 03:19 PM | Comments (0)

December 08, 2006

India Brings Down the Average

I knew someone was holding down the worldwide average for penis size. God only knows the Chinese probably are doing the same but we'd never know it for their state sponsored media machine which advertises Hefty-bag sized condoms for all Chinamen.

Condoms designed to meet international size specifications are too big for many Indian men as their penises fall short of what manufacturers had anticipated, an Indian study has found.

The Indian Council of Medical Research, a leading state-run center, said its initial findings from a two-year study showed 60 percent of men in the financial capital Mumbai had penises about 2.4 cm (one inch) shorter than those condoms catered for.

For a further 30 percent, the difference was at least 5 cm (two inches). A poor fit meant the prophylactics often didn't do the job they were bought for, and led to some tearing or slipping off during use.

Posted by spamburgler at 04:44 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 07, 2006

I see London! I see France!

This may come as a shock to those who know me but I don't usually watch the Victoria's Secret fashion show. I don't think it should be of interest to gals on a first name basis with the pizza delivery guy. Not that I am
a stranger to the store. Normally I try to get in and out as quickly as possible. You know, before the paranoia sets in, and I start to imagine that people are laughing at/judging me. Anyway, I decided to take a peek this year and what a sight it was!

Photobucket - Video and Image HostingFirst off, where the fuck is this chick going? I know that this show is all about fantasy and being sexy, but come on! It is a good fucking thing that they used satin for the skirt. Otherwise somebody might think she is heading somewhere super casual. Like a tractor pull.






Photobucket - Video and Image HostingPhotobucket - Video and Image HostingThese two are super nice as well. I imagine when strutting in your undies it's important to work the accessories. To me it seemed like it was a re-visioning of Barberella, this time staged by ALCOA. Not that they don't look amazing. I admit it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever anyone might say, they are gorgeous even when they are clanking around in their bone suits. Photobucket - Video and Image HostingAnyway, you have to somewhat like a gal who can even make Justin Timberlake kinda look like a pervy tool.







Photobucket - Video and Image HostingThe real piece of cake for me was the keyhole panties. I mean the image takes your breath away, does it not? I admit I sat there in glassy eyed awe. It suddenly hit me. As a single gal, I could not help but think 'So that is what I need! Yes sir! If I had a pair of those I would be in business!' I mean, WTF!?! Those panties combined with the boots should not be met with anything other than derisive laughter.

Photobucket - Video and Image HostingThis demure little number sure is fetching. I don't know where she is going, but I hope it's to the nearest Krispy Kreme. Still, it's a interesting take on the muu muu. Who would have thought it? Those Victoria's Secret designers are true visionaries! Such range! Everything from 'tragic after school special' to 'just add riding crop'! Impressive!

With so much to choose from , it was hard to pick a favorite. I have to
go with a more classic look. Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting Check this garment out. Perfect in
color and style! And, hey, what a muff, right?

Posted by barfly at 11:34 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 24, 2006

A quaint New England Thanksgiving

It's not all turkey and cranberries up here.

A St. Johnsbury man is facing deer-jacking charges after allegedly plowing his Chevrolet Cavalier into a buck decoy that was planted in a Danville meadow.

Game wardens say 31-year-old Joseph Clark believed the decoy was a real deer and was deliberately trying to "bump it" the evening of Nov. 17 as a warden and two deputies watched from hiding places nearby.

The three were monitoring the stuffed deer as part of a routine sting operation to deter illegal hunting when they saw the Chevy stop and shine a light on the fake deer. They saw the vehicle drive onto the field and accelerate into the decoy, sending it flying about 30 feet, Danville game warden Dennis Amsden said.

"That decoy is out of commission," Amsden said. "It has an amputated leg and broken antlers. It's history."

Clark could not be reached for comment Wednesday to respond to the allegations. In addition to being cited for taking deer illegally, Clark was cited for felony unlawful mischief, possession of marijuana and driving with his license suspended. Clark's girlfriend and 4-month-old daughter were in the car when the incident took place, Amsden said.

Clark told Amsden he thought it was a real deer and was just trying to "bump it" with his car, the game warden said. Why Clark wanted to hit the deer is unclear.

"I guess I wouldn't speculate on why somebody might drive into a deer," Amsden said. "I guess everybody could have a different idea. I know it's not what most of us would do."

Alcohol and drug use is common in nighttime road hunting incidents, he added. "There's no rationale. They are not poaching for food. It's strictly for entertainment."

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 08:44 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 21, 2006

Overheard in a nursing home elevator

Woman to old guy in wheelchair: "You had Lucille Ball in your cab once, didn't you?"

Old guy: "Yeah The BITCH!"

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 05:03 PM

November 18, 2006

I am so sick and tired

of these muthafuckin' snakes in this muthafuckin' garden!

It's been at or near the No. 1 spot among the best-selling books listed on Wal-Mart's Web site since its early fall release. The retail chain Family Christian Stores say it's the fastest-selling audio Bible it has ever stocked.

The 21-hour production, which lists for $49.99, features the voice talents of more than 250 singers, clergy and actors, including Denzel Washington, Cuba Gooding Jr., Angela Bassett and Alfre Woodard. Blair Underwood portrays Jesus, and Samuel L. Jackson, who played a Scripture-spouting hit man in "Pulp Fiction," is the voice of God.

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 05:32 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

October 26, 2006

I stand corrected

I had thought that Comptroller candidate Fred "Who let the dogs out" Head had the worst political website anywhere. But it turns out I hadn't seen nuthin' yet.

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 09:22 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

October 24, 2006

Tragically hip

Remember when Dennis Hopper was cool?

Yeah, my memory's not that good either.

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 09:15 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

October 16, 2006

Look what the cat drug in

If it wasn't true (or ay least plausible) it wouldn't be on Wonkette.

Disgraced former Representative Mark Foley was spotted by an eagle-eyed blogger — in Austin, Texas, naturally.

The alleged attempted page-fucker was enjoying the Americana-tinged power-pop of alt-country act the Old 97’s, though there’s no word on whether the “closet drinker” imbibed any alcohol.

How do we expect to defend our borders when we can't even defend our city limits?

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 08:49 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

October 10, 2006

Jamie Lee Curtis is giving up the gig

Photobucket - Video and Image HostingJamie Lee Curtis has decided to quit acting. Everyone just kind of yawned. She's going to concentrate on her family and writing children's books. Since the world needs another author of children's books.

Posted by mcblogger at 07:37 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

Jamie Lee Curtis is giving up the gig

Photobucket - Video and Image HostingJamie Lee Curtis has decided to quit acting. Everyone just kind of yawned. She's going to concentrate on her family and writing children's books. Since the world needs another author of children's books.

Posted by mcblogger at 07:37 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

October 09, 2006

Kevlar couture

Photobucket - Video and Image HostingWhat's the hottest thing on the runway in Baghdad? Why it's our own Condi Rice, blitzkreiging her way to fashion valhalla in DKNY's new line of pret a porter body armor. Power tie? That's soooo five minutes ago. Nothing says power like bullet proof! Drop and give me twenty, maggot!


















Meanwhile, back at the White House...

.Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting Laura, Laura, Laura. We've had this talk before. You simply have to stop tearing down the drapes in the Lincoln Bedroom and wearing them in public. No wonder George's eye is wandering. Put your chin up, girlfriend. Take another xanex and think about Jesus

Posted by sister ruth at 09:30 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

October 04, 2006

Worst Day Ever

Let's face it, being mauled by your pit bull sucks. But as if to prove something I said only this morning, things can always get worse.

A 21-year-old Vallejo woman was mauled by her pet pit bull Tuesday, and authorities responding to the emergency discovered about 100 marijuana plants inside her home, police said.

The woman, who was not identified, was flown by air ambulance to a hospital after receiving bites oN her legs and arms and losing a large amount of blood. She underwent surgery and was listed in serious condition, police Lt. Kevin Kelly said.

Police arrived at the residence and found the marijuana plants as they searched the house for the dog. The plants have an estimated street value of about $400,000, Kelly said. It was unclear whether the woman will face charges for having marijuana plants.

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 02:04 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 21, 2006

What a drag it is getting old

Scientists have long predicted that the living creatures left after a nuclear holocaust will be cockroaches and Keith Richards. Recently the rock legend revealed he had stopped using drugs... because you just can't get the good stuff anymore.

The Rolling Stones guitarist complained dealers and chemists have reduced the power of his favourite narcotics.

And he doesn’t like modern drugs like ecstasy because they “mess with the brain”. Former heroin addict Keith, 62, moaned: “I really think the quality’s gone down.

“All they do is try and take the high out of everything.

“I don’t like the way they’re working on the brain area instead of just through the blood system."

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 07:43 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 19, 2006

Oh, God... why?

Photobucket - Video and Image HostingCLAY AIKEN RELEASES NEW RCA RECORDS ALBUM 'A THOUSAND DIFFERENT WAYS' IN STORES ON SEPTEMBER 19th.

I can think of about ten million things that would be more pleasent to the ears like...

  • Rick Perry talking about how swell things are in Texas

  • Kinky throwing up after a bender

  • Kathy Griffin
  • My dream is that people stop watching American Idol. Yes, it's entertaining but it released Clay into an unsuspecting world. It has to be ended and the only way it's going to happen is if you TURN THE CHANNEL.

    If you won't do it for me, do it for The Mayor.


    Posted by mcblogger at 09:35 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    September 16, 2006

    Excuses, ex-damn-uses...

    This is what I have to deal with from the jackass authors who never post.

    Excuses and nothing but. Damn you, Spishak. Damn you.

    Posted by mcblogger at 03:59 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    September 15, 2006

    Bravo is bringing it, bitches!

    I am just so in love with 'Project Runway'! Last night I missed the beginning
    though. I have been trying to walk in the park at night. It gets really dark and
    kinda creeps me out. However, I have found a new friend in Raul, a Hispanic
    mechanic (no bitching about the rhymes, yo!). He jogs beside me and we chat about the weather.

    Photobucket - Video and Image HostingSince I missed the beginning, I had to stay up and watch the rerun. By the way,scotch+ 'Project Runway'= match made in heaven but I digress. Bravo was bringing it! Hardcore! It was so bad, it was good! First we received the fore shadowing that basically let us know that Kayne was a goner. That did not make me sad because Drop Dead Fred had been getting on my nerves. After a strong initial showing, he seemed to be buckling under the pressure. Then, the bombshell! Vincent came back. Then Angela walked in! Yes, indeed, I vomited a little in my mouth. I don't blame the other contestants for being pissed. The excuse for letting these mouth breathers back in was that they had won a challenge. How McLame! That blows like a baby prostitute!

    To add insult to injury, Angela was wearing one of those hideous poof skirts! I mean seriously. Who wears this shit and where did they receive their labotomy? Needless to say, everyone needed a drink, and this glass house has no comment on that.

    The challenge was a black and white cocktail dress. Big woo! The best part was when Laura totally called out Angela! Big time! She mentioned that Angela's win was for a team challenge. Basically Michael and Laura won the challenge, but Angela got the credit. SNAP! I loved it! From jump street you could tell what was going to happen.

    Angela's and Vincent's sole purpose was to prove the reason behind their dismissal. As if anyone did not get that! HELLO? Poor Kayne showed signs of strain early on. It was sweet that Michael tried to help him. That is why Michael is my sweet baby angel! That was when Laura started having a meltdown. She was so positive about her last endeavor that the resulting smackdown shook her to her very core. It must be hormones. Anyone in their right
    mind would have known that that dress looked cartoonish. But it is understandable. All of the contestants are struggling through this season, and Laura is doing it knocked up!

    The runway. Angela and Vincent were horrible, but you had to know that was coming since they, you know, suck more ass than one of my brother's dates. Angela did not learn from her past mistakes. I'll be damned if another of those fucking little rosettes did not appear between her fetus/model's pitiful excuse for boobs.

    Anyway, I know there are a lot of Jeffrey fans out there and you know that I love him. However, I would not be caught dead in the Jodi Whatley inspired concoction from last night. Not that I could squeeze one toe into those tights. Long story short, Laura won with Michael a close second. After Angela and Vincent left, Kayne and Jeffrey were on the cutting block. The judges told Jeffrey that they were tired of seeing him do the same look. That L.A. look. That was when I knew that Kayne was gone. It was the same fucking thing that happened last season. Let's call it the curse of Santino! Except Jeffrey has talent. Santino was a total butt plug.

    So, Kayne is no more, and I think we will all kinda miss the little queen. I am sure that there is a place for Kayne somewhere in the world. Maybe Vegas since I hear Liberace is dead.

    Posted by barfly at 02:36 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    August 29, 2006

    I guess it's better than phone sex

    Teledildonics and I would sooo buy stock in a company that provided a complete solution...

    Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

    Kotaku tells us that the Xbox 360 now has cameras with video chat, and while chatting there is a command to make your chat-partner's controller vibrate. Even though it takes holding down both triggers at once, making one-handed enjoyment complicated, it seems like this is just a few tiny hardware hacks away from being consumer-level teledildonics. It's my theory that not being truly marketed as porn/sextoy/teledildonics will make it adapted by consumers quickly and easily.

    Posted by mcblogger at 12:09 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    August 18, 2006

    The stuff that dreams are made of

    Remember Elvis sightings? Yeah, that's soooo Twentienth Century.

    As a chocolatier to the rich and famous, Martucci Angiano has posed with many celebrities.

    But on Thursday she held in her hand a figure that dazzles her more than any Hollywood star: a 2-inch-tall column of chocolate drippings that workers at her gourmet chocolate company believe bears a striking resemblance to the Virgin Mary.

    Since the discovery at Bodega Chocolates, Angiano's employees have spent much of their time hovering over the tiny figure, praying and placing rose petals and candles around it.

    "I was raised to believe in the Virgin Mary, but this still gives me the chills," Angiano said as she balanced the figure in her hand. "Everyone should see this."

    Yes, everyone should see it
    Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
    And realize that what we have here is a yummy chocolate replica of the Maltese Falcon
    Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

    Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 08:19 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    July 27, 2006

    Boys Banding Up Behind Bass

    With the stunning announcement of N'Sync's Lance Bass's blatent and latent homosexuality, fellow bandmates have had to be careful in their press statements so as to not ensure the wrath of the Gay Mafia (head up of course by Elton John).

    Sadly, Justin Timberlake (whose surname is Apache for Hard Wood Near Water) fell into the trap of unfortunate 'official statements'.

    "Lance is one of my great friends," Timberlake said in a statement issued by publicist, Ken Sunshine. "I support him and wish him all the happiness in the world."

    An otherwise safe statement was screwed up by the fact that his publicist's name is Ken Sunshine. Now that's just gay.

    Bandmate Joey Fatone had this to say.

    Joey Fatone from N’Sync also has kind words for Bass: "He took years to really think about how he was going to tell everyone. I back him up 100 percent."

    We bet you back him up Joey. At least we know who's a bottom now. We just didn't know that you walked in on Lance once.

    Fatone was the first 'NSYNC bandmate Bass told about being gay, after Fatone walked in on Bass and a male date at his house in Orlando, Florida. Fatone's response at the time? "Dude, I don't care," Bass recalled him saying. Chris Kirkpatrick found out last summer and JC Chasez three months ago.

    But all jokes aside (which puts every boy band in existance off the table), what really gets to me most is the human element to this story. It reminds us that even fake people are real people.

    Telling his bandmates has been easy, but telling his family was another matter. His sister became pale and started crying when he told her, while his mother "broke down." "The worst part about it was my mom found out not from me," Bass said. "She found out on the Internet, and that's what just killed me. ... It destroyed her for a little bit." His father, in the meantime, was concerned about diseases, telling Lance that "It's much easier for gay people to get AIDS," and "Statistics show that these relationships don't last. You know it's not going to last." "I was like, 'Dad, wow!' "

    Posted by spamburgler at 08:09 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

    July 20, 2006

    Hot New Pictures

    As was noted in this great entry last week, the great folks over at phonesexshop.com took the time to upload a far better picture than we could have dreamed of in replacement of this one of their hot telephone.

    shop_20.gif

    I really have to say, there has to be something said for a phone sex shop telling anyone else that "they suck". I mean, honey, when it comes to sucking, I think we all know that *you* have us beat. These lips are proof positive.

    Posted by spamburgler at 11:07 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

    July 16, 2006

    LaBare-ing Your True Beliefs

    This story was just too great not to pick up and pick apart.

    Austin tries to close male strip club

    Officials in Austin, Texas, are trying to close down a male strip club that caters to women, arguing that LaBare lives up to its name.

    The club's owner, Kevin Cox, told the Austin American-Statesman...

    Wait. Stop right there. LaBare is owned by a man named COX?!?!? Fucking awesome. I think it should be pointed out right here and now that the ASS, I mean, AAS is owned by, yes, wait for it, COX Newspapers, Inc.

    ...the dancers do not go beyond the topless stage, with boxers or briefs covering their genital areas.

    Who wears boxers at a strip club? Where are the thongs people? I wouldn't want to go see some ladies prancing around in granny's knickers! Hell, that's a better reason to shut the place down.

    He describes the dance routines as fantasies in which the strippers do standup comedy or dress up as firefighters or police officers.

    What is this, the YMCA? Or do I just really not understand what the hell straight women think is a 'hot night out at the strip club'?

    But city officials say some of the routines imitate sex acts and the men sometimes bare their rear ends. Because the club is within 1,000 feet of the Texas School for the Deaf and Town Lake Park, that would be illegal.

    The school for the deaf?!?! So just how bad is the dance music and that stand up comedy act? *eye roll* Somehow I'm really doubting that anyone is going to LaBare while class is in session. You know, because most people go to class during the daylight hours, and to strip clubs when it's dark outside?

    Still, this story would be about 249% more hilarious if the strip club were within 1,000 feet of the Texas School for the Blind. Or if LaBare was the headquarters for Quest Personals phone division.

    So here is my solution for the whole bootylicious problem with LaBare and the School for the Deaf.

    Posted by spamburgler at 06:23 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack

    July 09, 2006

    A line in the sand

    I don't care if they show it on ESPN. Hot dog eating is not a sport.

    Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 12:03 AM | Comments (1)

    July 06, 2006

    Maybe one day Ann Coulter will plagerize you...

    Photobucket - Video and Image HostingI think Ann Coulter is a mad old cow so I don't often talk about her. Or her freakish alien hands. It's not just that I don't care about the nasty things she says (I don't), I think her schtick is tiresome in the extreme. Don't kid yourself, it's a show to sell an image (cheesy and retarded as that image may be).

    However, rawstory has a great post up about Coulter's mad copy and paste writing skillz. Wicked good, y'all, especially when you think about it in the context of her criticism of Jayson Blair, the NYT reporter who liked to make things up and, like Ann, plagerize.

    "The New York Times is to be commended for ferreting out Jayson Blair, the reporter recently discovered making up facts, plagiarizing other news organizations and lying about nonexistent trips and interviews. A newspaper that employs Maureen Dowd can't have had an easy time settling on Blair as the scapegoat. Blair's record of inaccuracies, lies and distortions made him a candidate for either immediate dismissal or his own regular column on the op-ed page." -- Ann Coulter

    Let's not forget Ann's take on hypocrisy...

    "The reason any conservative's failing is always major news is that it allows liberals to engage in their very favorite taunt: Hypocrisy! Hypocrisy is the only sin that really inflames them. Inasmuch as liberals have no morals, they can sit back and criticize other people for failing to meet the standards that liberals simply renounce. It's an intriguing strategy. By openly admitting to being philanderers, draft dodgers, liars, weasels and cowards, liberals avoid ever being hypocrites." -- Ann Coulter

    And for those of you who still can't find it in yourselves to laugh at the crazy bitch, check out I fucked Ann Coulter in the ass, hard.

    Posted by mcblogger at 11:01 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    July 04, 2006

    TONIGHT! Double Platinum

    If you're looking for something fun to do other than watching fireworks and drinking (I know, what could be more fun than that) check out Double Platinum on Lifetime! Brandy AND Diana Ross in the same TV movie. ROCK!

    Posted by mcblogger at 11:37 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    June 27, 2006

    My Coke Rewards...

    So, I'm sitting here and can't sleep at 4 am looking at my newly emptied bottle of Coke on the table. (Of course, I'm not going to think about the fact that it might be why I'm still up, but whatever, fuck that I say.) On the wrapper next to where I can learn that I've just consumed 22% of my daily carbohydrates and 3% of my sodium, there is some new slogan thing telling me to go to mycokerewards.com.

    So I got to thinking, 'cause there ain't nuttin' else to do, how in the hell is this coke rewarding me? I mean, maybe if it were a drug THEN we'd be getting somewhere.

    What would you do with coke rewards? (Or cock rewards because god knows that's what I typed first every time I tried pecking the keyboard for that damned word in this entry.)

    Posted by spamburgler at 04:12 AM | Comments (9) | TrackBack

    June 22, 2006

    9/11 changed everything

    If we've learned nothing else from TV, we've learned that you can't have a bomb without a flashing red light to warn when it's armed.

    PLYMOUTH, Ind. --A red light from a beer ad that a bartender suspected was a bomb when he saw it blinking on a wall forced 35 people to be evacuated from a resort hotel.

    The guests were allowed back in their rooms less than an hour later after a Marshall County sheriff's officer determined the light was part of a Pabst Blue Ribbon ad suction-cupped to the window of the Sam Snead restaurant in the resort.

    The bartender called authorities about the suspicious flashing light at 12:30 a.m. Monday, and the guests were evacuated about six minutes later, said Doug Leedke, general manager of Swan Lake Resort in Plymouth, 25 miles south of South Bend.

    Jon Van Vactor, a detective lieutenant with the Marshall County Sheriff's Department, said the authorities determined about a half-hour later that the bomb squad was not needed.

    To tell the truth, given a choice between Pabst Blue Ribbon and being blown up, I would opt for death.

    Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 10:46 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    June 21, 2006

    Britney and Angelina : Celebrity interviews are the suck

    McBlogger said that I should comment on the Britney Spears interview last week. I was hesitant. However, when I heard that Angelina Jolie was going to grant an interview to Anderson Cooper I changed my mind. I thought I would watch that, and then post some thoughts. Like killing two birds with one stone. Or a combo platter of poop. Little did I know.

    Photobucket - Video and Image HostingBritney.
    Oh baby girl. When asked about Kevin's relationship with Shar Jackson and kids she pleads ignorance. For two months. She chose the 'Oops, my bad' defense. If I was mislead in such a manner, I would probably be pissed. However, in the world of Britney, treatment like that inspires wedding proposals. Yes. In case you did not know, she proposed to him. I know this because I was one of the jackasses that watched 'Chaotic' on UPN. Oh yeah. I am admitting it. It was like a car crash. You curse everyone for rubber-necking, but when you get up there you can't help but take a peek. You know that it will be horrible. You just have to have a look anyway. It was really disgusting when Britney would talk about what a great fuck that rat faced dolt was. I can't write anymore about it. It is too taumatizing to remember.

    Moving on to appearance, I was trying to focus my attention on Britney, but I couldn't help but be drawn to the wayward false eyelash on her right eye. Did her make up artist not notice that? How could they not? And, oh fuck, the outfit. This woman has millions and that is the best she can do? A flimsy top and denim skirt. I could not believe the ample display of her rack. Her stylist should be shot on sight for these sins and that horrible hair. For lack of a better phrase, I am going to use a line that my best friend's mother used to say. Her hair was so stringy that it looked like goats had been sucking on it.

    It was still entertaining. In fact, I was so engrossed that I was startled when my dog started barking her adorable princess head off. A guy was at the front door. It was a solicitor hawking carpet cleaner. Damn fool! Don't go around asking people if they have a spot on their carpet that you can get out in a jiffy. This just in from the Department of Buy A Fucking Clue: Don't hawk shit at 8:39 at night. Oh, and especially not during a shitty celebrity interview!

    Photobucket - Video and Image HostingAngelina

    I was super pumped for the Angelina interview. I was so sure it was going to be rockin' like Dokken. Anderson Cooper. Awwww. That adorable little scamp. However, it was not the interview I thought it would be. It was a infomercial for the United Nations. Which was good. I am not saying that it wasn't worth viewing. However, it was like getting a salad when you were expecting a steak. She was great. It was as though she possessed the empathic kindness of Audrey Hepburn, and the views on family of Josephine Baker. Needless to say it was very different from Ms. Spears, but definitely not as funny.

    Is it just me or are celeb's really retarded?

    Posted by barfly at 03:28 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    June 18, 2006

    The very definition of disappointment

    An intriguing message on my Tivo today: "Click to control your universe". Turns out it's just a promo for a movie. Starring Adam Sandler. If I actually exercised any control over the universe, there would be no Adam Sandler movies.

    Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 01:59 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    June 17, 2006

    Is that product placement in your pocket, or do you just want to watch the match?

    There's something going on called the World Cup, which apparently is something like our World Series except (1) it actually includes the whole world and (2) doesn't involve baseball, so it is inherently meaningless. However, the Anheuser Busch company has put a lot of cash on the bar to make Budweiser the official beer of the event, much to the dismay of fans who prefer brews that don't so closely resemble horse piss.

    Football's governing body has explained why up to 1,000 Dutch fans watched a World Cup tie wearing no trousers.

    Around 1,000 fans arrived for the Ivory Coast tie in their traditional bright orange trousers - but bearing the logo and name of a Dutch brewery.

    To protect the rights of the official beer they were denied entry, so the male fans promptly removed the trousers and watched the game in underpants.

    Fifa said an attempt at an "ambush" publicity campaign was not allowed.

    Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 11:55 PM | Comments (1)

    June 16, 2006

    Heh, hehe, heh, cool, heh, heh, heh

    Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
    The Pentagon has something going on in Afghanistan called Operation Mountain Thrust.

    The Democrats rolled out a new platform called New Direction For America.

    Doesn't anybody say these things out loud a few times before they press "Publish"?

    Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 03:36 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    Just read this story, dammit!

    How can you resist this headline?

    Man in Fatal Crash Had Wife's Severed Head

    And I thought Idaho was all potatoes and militia compounds.

    Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 08:59 AM

    TrashOscars : The MTV Movie Awards

    I don't know if anybody watched the MTV movie awards recently. I, of course, did. Shit like that is appointment TV for me.

    Photobucket - Video and Image HostingJamie Fox was such a ham. Ever since he won that damn Oscar he carries on like a horses ass. Why can't he shut up and present the award. Someone needs to explain to him that the MTV Movie Awards were not his moment. In fact, after this little performance, he gets no more moments because he's jumped the fucking shark.


    Photobucket - Video and Image HostingI love that they gave one of those hideous awards to Christian Bale. I liked that movie. He did seem to take it very seriously. He was very impressed with the honor. Oh well, it was sweet. Stupid, but sweet. Like a retarded puppy wagging it's tale for piece of spoiled food.

    Photobucket - Video and Image HostingWhen I heard Jessica Alba was going to host I knew the show would suck. However, I tuned in with my expectations low. The DaVinci skit was horrible! Turns out I should have set my expectations far lower. They should really put Andy Dick out to pasture. Does anyone find him amusing in the least? Anyway, That was bad but it got worse. Seriously,the skit on 'King Kong' made me want to put my head in the oven. Let me try to be nice. Dearest Jessica, it is very fortunate for you that you are so good looking. Really.

    Photobucket - Video and Image HostingI AM glad that Brad and Angelina won best fight. I have to admit that I like them as a couple. Is she a kook? Probably. Anyway, they are more interesting than Brad and Jen. They were so fucking boring. They were the white bread of Hollywood couples. Anyway, I like Jen with Vince Vaughn. In my opinion, it is a better trade anyway.

    Photobucket - Video and Image HostingThe big moment was best kiss. You just knew 'Brokeback Mountain' was going to win and they did. Whatev. Big deal.

    When Famke Janssen and Rebecca Romijn came out I knew they would threaten to strip and/or kiss. Am I physic? Hell no. I just watch this shit every year. It happens at the video awards too. Some model turned actress or some baby prostitute starlet will tease the crowd in order to get applause. I am so tired of this stupid self serving ploy that I could vomit into a glass and drink it. Get a new gimmick.

    Photobucket - Video and Image HostingI was pleased that Alba beat Jessica Simpson in the 'sexiest performance' category. I thought she was a lock. As a former 'Newlyweds' fan, I am not too pleased with Jessica. They were so good together. Her stupidity is just not as amusing without Nick's blank stare back at her. Anyone who has the first season DVD will agree with me. Not that I own it or anything. I just can't get over the divorce. I think Nick's probably a decent guy, even though I would rather listen to howling cats than his album.

    Photobucket - Video and Image HostingChristina Aguilera. I don't know what to think about her new song, but I am glad she stopped dressing like a cheap slut. Now she looks like a really expensive whore. At least she has talent. Take that Britney!

    Will Ferrel was there to promote his new movie. If his award presentation was anything to go by, it will totally blow. There is no way I am going to see it. And I went to see 'Poseidon'. Needless to say, I am not a hard sell.

    Photobucket - Video and Image HostingThe show presented an honorary award to Spike Lee commemorating 'Do The Right Thing'. Ah, Spike. Still angry after all these years. Why so mad? You are so tiny, spry, and cute!

    They also presented an award to Jim Carry. Does anyone know the reason for the girls dressed like angels? I don't get it. Is it an homage to the film, 'Bruce Almighty'? Whatev. One more 'Fun with Dick and Jane' and you'll be the box office poison we all knew you'd eventually be.

    The big winner of the night was 'Wedding Crashers'. I really liked that movie and was pleased when they won Best On Screen Team. Even if Owen Wilson's nose kinda looks like a penis.

    Posted by barfly at 01:06 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    June 13, 2006

    Who do you have to sleep with to get a credit around here?

    Headline in this morning's Slag:

    Matt Damon, Wife Have Baby Named Isabella

    Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 07:38 AM

    June 05, 2006

    One Day In The Life Of Ivan Moronovitch

    In which the herd gets just a little bit thinner...

    Lioness in zoo kills man who invoked God

    KIEV (Reuters) - A man shouting that God would keep him safe was mauled to death by a lioness in Kiev zoo after he crept into the animal's enclosure, a zoo official said on Monday.

    "The man shouted 'God will save me, if he exists', lowered himself by a rope into the enclosure, took his shoes off and went up to the lions," the official said.

    "A lioness went straight for him, knocked him down and severed his carotid artery."

    Sorry about that, Ivan. I guess you hadn't heard that God has better things to do than saving your sorry ass.

    Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 12:46 PM | Comments (2)

    June 03, 2006

    When bat'leths are outlawed, only only outlaws will have bat'leths

    Unlike the United States, where the Second Amendment guarentees the citizenry's right to keep and bear arms, the subjects of the British Crown still enjoy no such freedom. A recent example of the sort of redcoated tyranny our forefathers rebelled against was provided when British cops seized what they termed

    "A particularly nasty weapon which could easily take someone’s head off.”

    Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

    The weapon in question was a bat'leth, favorite edged weapon of the Klingon Empire, which has been engaged in a bitter rivalry with the Court of St. James since the War of the Roses.

    Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 12:21 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    May 31, 2006

    Grand Theft Auto: The Tribulations

    Who says the home schooled crowd has to miss out on the thrill of playing violent video games? Certainly not the creators of Left Behind: Eternal Forces, the latest in the Left Behind End Times marketing juggernaut.

    Wage a war of apocalyptic proportions in LEFT BEHIND: Eternal Forces - a real-time strategy game based upon the best-selling LEFT BEHIND book series created by Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins. Join the ultimate fight of Good against Evil, commanding Tribulation Forces or the Global Community Peacekeepers, and uncover the truth about the worldwide disappearances!

    · Conduct physical & spiritual warfare : using the power of prayer to strengthen your troops in combat and wield modern military weaponry throughout the game world

    · Command your forces through intense battles across a breathtaking, authentic depiction of New York City

    · Control more than 30 units types - from Prayer Warrior and Hellraiser to Spies, Special Forces and Battle Tanks!

    · Play multiplayer games as Tribulation Force or the AntiChrist's Global Community Peacekeepers with up to eight players via LAN or over the internet!

    I wonder what radical clerics like Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, or James Dobson will do instead of pissing and moaning about this? Probably pray for another Supreme Court Justice to die.

    Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 10:17 AM

    May 30, 2006

    When constabulary duty's to be done, to be done, A policeman's lot is not a happy one, ...

    On the other hand, they do seem to have developed doughnut-eating to a science...

    Three minutes. Thirteen doughnuts.

    Think you could chow down that many morning morsels in that little time?

    Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

    Walworth County Jail Training Sgt. Howard Sawyers didn't think he could, either, but he did. In doing so, he earned the title of world champion doughnut-eating cop.

    "The secret for eating doughnuts is dunking them in water," said Sawyers, who finished third in the competition last year. "You do a semi-circle of water cups half to three-quarters full. You rip 'em, you dunk them and you shove. And you do that as fast as you can for three minutes."

    God, I love the smell of stereotypes in the morning!

    Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 10:45 AM

    May 24, 2006

    As if just shopping at Wal-Mart wasn't degrading enough...

    Can anyone vouch for the whereabouts od Dick Morris when this was happening?

    Police in Tulsa, Okla., are searching for a man who hid under a woman's car at a Wal-Mart parking lot and then licked her toes as she loaded groceries into the vehicle, according to a report.

    The woman said she was at the Tulsa Wal-Mart located near 81st Street and Lewis when she felt her toes being licked.

    She assumed it was a dog but when she looked down, she saw it was a man lying under her vehicle.

    A Tulsa County assistant district attorney said if the man is caught, he'll face a misdemeanor charge of battery or outraging public decency.

    Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 12:06 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

    May 23, 2006

    Bigot calls Madonna "boring"

    Bill Donohue, self-styled leader of a group calling itself the Catholic League (wasn't that a group of meanies during the Counter-Reformation?) spends a lot of time being upset with modern culture. You know, blasphemous movies, kids and their loud music that's really just noise, books printed with movable type... So it's no surprise that he was just a little perturbed at Madonna's latest concert tour, which features her singing while hanging from a cross wearing a crown of thorns.

    Though Donohue said that Madonna "has been spicing up her act with misappropriated Christian imagery for a long time," he thought that her faith in Kabbalah might inspire new respect for religion.

    "I guess you really can't teach an old pop star new tricks," he said. "Poor Madonna keeps trying to shock. But all she succeeds in doing is coming across as a boring bigot."

    No Bill, you're the boring bigot. Try finding a publisher for a photobook of your erotic fantasies if you don't believe me.

    Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 12:29 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    May 21, 2006

    The War on Vegetables

    How quickly Americans toss aside the heroes of previous conflicts! Who today recalls that during the Reagan regime's desperate struggle against the budget, public education and childhood nutrition, lowly ketchup was pressed into service as an ersatz vegetable? Citizen! How can you look the other way while schools crack down on condiments?

    CHANDLER, Ariz. -- One Arizona high school has added another item to its list of banned substances: bottled ketchup.

    One student at Basha High School in Chandler was disciplined after being caught with a ketchup bottle two days in a row. And the principal said the school called the parents of several others found with the contraband.

    The smuggling began after the school cafeteria limited students to three packets of ketchup per hamburger. You can get extra packets, but they cost 25 cents each.

    You also can bring your own packets. But bottled ketchup is banned because the school said it would be a health code violation."

    Dare we say it? When ketchup is outlawed, only outlaws will have ketchup?

    Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 10:47 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

    May 18, 2006

    Great Moments In Crime

    Don't you know it's bad luck to use a stolen credit card at the same place you stole it?

    BENTONVILLE, Ark. -- A Wal-Mart clerk noticed something familiar when a customer went through the checkout line -- a credit card from her own wallet, which had been stolen two days earlier, police said.

    Ashley Dawn Dover repeatedly tried to pass a credit card through an electronic scanner at the store Tuesday to pay for $120 worth of merchandise, Police Chief James Allen said Wednesday.

    Allen said the clerk then offered to try the card and noticed it was her own.

    The credit card was stolen from the cashier's car, one of two vehicles broken into at Wal-Mart on Sunday. A camera, CDs and a purse were taken from the cashier's vehicle.

    Of course, if you've ever been to Bentonville, there's no place else to shop. I think you even have to be buried in Walmart's cemetary when you die.

    Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 10:49 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

    May 16, 2006

    Cigarettes don't kill people

    People who put their cigarettes out in paint thinner kill people. Or at least burn their houses down.

    DENVER, N.C. --A man taking a break from painting burned down his house after trying to snuff out a cigarette in a bowl of paint thinner.

    Stevie Spencer had put the bowl on his coffee table before taking a smoke break about 10 p.m. Saturday.

    "I forgot paint thinner was in the bowl," Spencer said. "I thought it was water."

    The fire from the paint thinner ignited some papers, Spencer said. He got his wife out of the house, then tried to extinguish the flames with a hose. Spencer suffered minor injuries.

    Once again I have to insist that had the Confederate States succeeded in winning their independence, they would not now be a nukular power.

    Posted by mayor mcsleaze at 09:57 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack