December 08, 2006

FINAL - Ask A... Dildo that may or may not have been in Rick Perry's ass about dating

(Ed. Note - We've had to use a new photo of The Dildo that may (or may not) have been up Rick Perry's ass. Apparently, the very image of The Dildo violated the Photobucket terms of service. Which is kinda dumb since it's was nothing more than an innocuous picture of The Dildo. It wasn't even threatening them. Which makes me wonder, if not out of fear, what DID cause them to pull the picture? Y'all think on that for a bit... in the meantime, enjoy The Dildo's advice and It's new visage)

dildo.jpgThe Dildo returns to answer your questions about life, love and losing...

Question

Dildo, I've been with my husband for a while and have recently discovered that he really likes a finger up his ass while I'm blowing him. It's not that I mind, I'm just concerned that he may be a fag. Yours...LB in DC

Answer


Well, LB, I don't know what to tell you. I can't say if he's a fag or not as you've not given me nearly enough information. Has he asked for a three-way with another guy? That would be gay. Has he started listening to XM81? If so, he's probably a fag. However, most sexually aware guys (gay and straight) love some assplay so that in and of itself does not mean he's gay.


Question


Dildo: I think my girlfriend is cheating on me. Over the last couple of months she's all the time getting home late, usually smelling of alcohol and a guys cologne (it's definitely not mine) and making some lame excuse about working late. When we have sex she seems bored and I know she's faking her orgasm. I can also tell someone other than me has been there, usually earlier in the day. What do you think, with all your experience I should do? DC in WY



Answer


Well color me embarrassed! Yeah, she's cheating. My bad...


Question


Dildo Dear have you and Ricky been out drinking with George??



Answer


Fuck no. I only drink with people I like.


Question


How do I know if a first date went well? GB in Austin



Answer



Did you get laid? If yes, the date went well. If not, well then he/she isn't interested in you because your a pussy. Can I get his/her number?

And so ends our most recent installment of Ask A... Dildo that may (or may not) have been up Rick Perry's ass about Dating. The Dildo will return... as soon as it feels a need to intimidate and belittle me.

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November 29, 2006

Update - Ask A... Dildo that may (or may not) have been in Rick Perry's ass about dating

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting I'm sure you remember the Dildo that may (or may not) have been up Rick Perry's ass. You should also remember that the Dildo is waiting for your dating questions. So far the Dildo has received

ONE QUESTION

WTF is with you people? I know you're busy with the holidays but I know some of you have relationship issues with which you desperately need help. Help that only the Dildo can provide. Help that the Dildo is willing to give.

Don't make the Dildo get ugly. If it's not allowed to help... well, you don't want to know the consequences. Seriously, the last person to cross the Dildo was Rep. Vicki Truitt. Let's just say there is a reason she wears her hair that way. At least, that's what I heard... email those questions to mcblogger@mcblogger.com

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November 17, 2006

Ask A... Dildo important dating questions

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting I'm sure you remember the Dildo that may (or may not) have been up Rick Perry's ass. The Dildo certainly remembers y'all so if you don't specifically remember it, when you see it on the street and it says 'hello' just act as if you know it. Seriously, it's for the best. Otherwise, the Dildo can be a little brutal in that oh-so-special way.

The Dildo has been hungry for more contact with people. Not that kind of contact, the kind that allows the Dildo to really show off it's astounding knowledge of all things. So, after damn near being raped by the Dildo, we are bringing it back so that you can ask it dating questions.

How should a blind date end? What's the best way to propose to a prospective spouse? Does this shirt match this tie? How do I get rid of my chronic halitosis (I got this one... stop eating blue cheese and washing it down with coffee. It's gross, dog breath)? There are literally millions of things you can ask the Dildo that may (or may not) have been up Rick Perry's ass. However, this time it want's to help you through the minefield that is modern dating.

Don't make the Dildo do to you what it may (or may not) be doing to Rick Perry. Email your questions post haste to mcblogger@mcblogger.com subj: Dating advice. Follow the rules this time, Harry!

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August 08, 2006

Update - Ask A ... Dildo that may (or may not) have been up Rick Perry's ass

After far too long from our hearts and minds (and other regions best left unmentioned), the Dildo returns to answer those questions some of y'all were so kind to email. Some of you may be wondering where the Dildo has been... which leads us right into the first question.

What's the deepest, darkest place you've ever been? RW, Austin

Photobucket - Video and Image HostingRW: Given what I am, and where I may or may not have been, isn't the answer really self-evident?










If you have been up Governor Perry's ass, can you tell us what else is up
there? I mean, we've all heard the expression, "a bug up one's ass." And, we
know Rick Perry has some kind of wierd bug up his ass for Bob Perry and
James Leinninger, shitty homes and school vouchers. So, what's the deal? Are
the two Perry's and Leinninger engaging in ass play in the Mansion in
exchange for loyalty and cash? Is the money Rick Perry receives from these
men more "hush money" than campaign contributions? Does Anita get to watch?
Does Dewhurst show up and put makeup on everyone, since we all know he wears
makeup (though he is not rumored to be gay)? Do they snort lines off of
Elizabeth Ames Jones' breasts while playing with the First Dildo? Have you
ever seen Martha Wong in fishnets with a large whip? Actually, that's a lot
of questions, but you can see how they're all related.

Signed,
Inquiring Minds Want 2 Know

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting IMW2K : Leininger and Dos Perry's are some kinky mofo's. And yes, I have seen Martha in fishnets. All I'll say about that is a friend of mine who was part of a boot in 'Nam saw some brutal shit and my Martha Wong story actually made him throw up. There aren't many things that are truly disturbing in the world today, but that seeing those thighs definitely shook me to my non-vibrating core.






So, Rich, does the Statesman naturally suck or do you have to work
hard to produce such a shitty paper?

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting Hand to God I'm not now, nor have I ever been Rich Oppel. What I do is completely different from rimming. By the way, Rich needs a tongue scraper. Badly. Just sayin' is all.










Dear Rick Perry's Dildo That May or May Not Have Been Up His Ass,

Tell me how it feels when Bob Perry is using you on Rick. Or, is it
that Rick uses it on Bob and that's why the donations are so, uh,
enormous? Do they call each other Perry during their dildo playtime
and do they think that's cute? Does their silliness over their name-
share thing make you go all limp?

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting Actually, yes, it does make me go a little limp... as if I've been placed near a blow torch. While I can only say that I may or may not have been up Governor Perry's ass, I can say that I have never been up Bob Perry's ass. There are some depths to which even I will not sink.







OK here's one:

Is it crowded in there right now? what with all those local officials from the Valley and their noses?

Harry Balczak

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting Harry : Not at all. They were actually being fellated by the Ricky. What, you actually thought they could be bought with a few million dollars? How naive... they were bought with a few million AND one of Tricky Ricky's world class hummers.

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July 28, 2006

Update - Ask A... Dildo that may or may not have been in Rick Perry's ass

It's been a week and the dildo is getting impatient. We have recieved 2 (two) questions from you lazy bitches at McBlogger corporate (read:my office). Don't be shy, no question is too dumb to ask the dildo...

What are you afraid of? Delisi and Black? Creampuffs. Let the omniscient dildo wrap you in it's protective embrace. And then penetrate just like it may or may not be penetrating Rick Perry as I write.

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July 26, 2006

Ask A .... Fairy Princess....'Cause My Gaydar is better than Your Gaydar

Way back when, when I had a brief bout of bad music, I liked 'N Sync. Mainly because I lived in WeHo (West Hollywood, for those of you who don't KNOW) and we KNEW those pretty boys were too pretty to be straight.

So na-ne-na-ne boo boo to all you nay-sayers!

Lance Bass: I'm gay
'N Sync singer worried he would harm group

Wednesday, July 26, 2006; Posted: 1:16 p.m. EDT (17:16 GMT)

NEW YORK (AP) -- Lance Bass, band member of 'N Sync, says he's gay and in a "very stable" relationship with a reality show star.

Bass, who formed 'N Sync with Justin Timberlake, JC Chasez, Joey Fatone and Chris Kirkpatrick, tells People magazine that he didn't earlier disclose his sexuality because he didn't want to affect the group's popularity.

"I knew that I was in this popular band and I had four other guys' careers in my hand, and I knew that if I ever acted on it or even said (that I was gay), it would overpower everything," he tells the magazine.

'N Sync is known for a string of hits including "Bye Bye Bye" and "It's Gonna Be Me." The band went on hiatus in 2002. Bass has also found headlines for undertaking astronaut training and failing to raise money for a trip into space.

Bass says he wondered if his coming out could prompt "the end of 'N Sync." He explains, "So I had that weight on me of like, 'Wow, if I ever let anyone know, it's bad.' So I just never did."

The singer says he's in a "very stable" relationship with 32-year-old actor Reichen Lehmkuhl, winner of season four of CBS' "Amazing Race."

Bass and Fatone, 29, are developing a sitcom pilot inspired by the screwball comedy "The Odd Couple," in which his character will be gay.

"The thing is, I'm not ashamed -- that's the one thing I want to say," Bass says. "I don't think it's wrong, I'm not devastated going through this. I'm more liberated and happy than I've been my whole life. I'm just happy."

Copyright 2006 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.

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July 24, 2006

Ask A ... Dildo that may (or may not) have been up Rick Perry's ass

Photobucket - Video and Image HostingCertainly y'all remember the scandal involving Rick Perry's questionable sexuality two years ago. The Governor denied the allegations and went on to feed his angry base some red meat last year on the Anti-Gay Marriage Amendment. Still the questions are out there and will likely remain for years... unless, of course, Geoff Conner (Perry's alleged lover) ever comes forward.

Rather than explore the question of whether or not Rick Perry is gay (which is, frankly, overtired), we thought we'd advance things a bit and ask the far more important question, What would a dildo that may (or may not) have been up Rick Perry's ass have to say for itself? Hypothetically. Of course, in hypothetical land, Rick Perry is actually a good Governor as oppossed to the shitbox we currently have in that pretty house caddy-corner from the Capitol. So, in this post we are going to just go ahead and assume Rick's into some assplay. Seriously, straight boys can be, too. See how that works? Gay or Straight, in hypothetical land there is a dildo that may (or may not ) have been up Rick Perry's ass and now you can ask it questions!

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting This is a picture of the actual dildo that may (or may not) have been up Rick Perry's ass. Seriously, ask it questions but please don't be freaks... email them in so we can keep them private until the dildo has a chance to answer them. Some will of course ask why we phrased the title in such an ackward way. Well, Rick's dildo may look completely different and we really needed a visual aid on this. This may be the kind Rick likes. Or it may not. Or he may not even own one. But we're assuming he does.

Go crazy, Kids!


If you like the dildo that may (or may not) have been up Rick Perry's ass, please visit these delightful people who'll be happy to supply you with your own for $17.99... if it's not illegal to purchase them where you live.

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July 22, 2006

Ask A... Homosexual in Lebanon!

The rockets red flare, the bombs bursting in aiir, but is it proof that the homosexuals are still there? We know that's what you've been asking yourself as Israel takes Beirut to task for not keeping thier terrorists in line. Thanks to some pulitzer level reporting, we have this "Ask A...." interview for you.

Let's begin with the most pressing questions.

x-man.jpgWhat's happening with gay people there now? Are gay clubs closing?

HiL: Almost all the clubs -- gay and nongay -- are closed since the Israeli aggression, so I suppose that means the gay clubs are closed.

How is the war affecting gay people in Lebanon?

HiL: The war is affecting gay people the same way it is affecting straight people for the moment. It is depressing for both gay and nongay people to see that all the effort Lebanese people have made for the past 15 years has been destroyed within five days.

Actually, for more of this fabulous interview, please go here. Yes, believe it or not, it's a real interview and I've lied to you the entire length of this post about it being a McBlogger production. Then again, gay.com never really was known for it's amazing journalistic skillz.

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May 19, 2006

Ask A ... Newly Retired CEO Lee Raymond late of ExxonMobil

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting Recently we introduced you to Lee Raymond, former CEO of ExxonMobile. We're excited to have received four questions (seriously, you guys suck ASS... he's a former CEO of an oil company and this was all you people could come up with?) that Lee kindly answered before he needed to leave for a meeting with VP Cheney on 'energy policy'.








Hey, you fat bastard:
Why TF -- considering how handsomely you've been compensated -- can't you get your teeth fixed and four of those five chins liposucked? Is getting laid simply no longer an option for you? Or do you believe "hideously ugly in every way" to be a component of your (presumed) appeal? Signed, Valdez Should Have Been All the Warning We Needed

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Sure. But I just got $400mm ON TOP OF THE PHAT SALARY I'VE BEEN GETTING FOR MORE THAN A DECADE. Needless to say, I can look any way I want... and still get more pussy than a male model with a 13" dick.







What would an elephant crossed with a mouse look like?DWP; Texarkana, TX

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Kinda like an aardvark. We were all the time making them at Exxon Nuclear, kinda funny actually.








Any regrets about the Valdez oil spill?

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Sure, tons of them and especially about the way the thing was handled. I think the biggest was losing all that crude. Sure the insurance paid off, but not getting it to market was a big dissapointment. I guess the other thing I'm most upset about is that the slick wasn't ignited before it reached shore.

Oh, and the wildlife that was hurt (laughing). YEAH, I was REAL upset about all that.


When you're at the grocery store, do you prefer paper or plastic?

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

That's a dumb question... I don't go to the grocery store. I have staff for that. However, they better be using plastic!




We hope you'll join us again for our next installment of Ask A...

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April 28, 2006

Ask A ... Newly Retired CEO Lee Raymond late of ExxonMobil

This week we're oiling the skids for the inevitable descent straight to hell! Our exceutive committee (ExComm) has made the decision to go with someone from the world of business for this week's Ask A... . We're terribly excited to have former ExxonMobil CEO Lee Raymond answering your questions!

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Lee's career has in many ways mirrored my own except for the 'working for an oil company and making millions of dollars per year' stuff. We did both live in Dallas metro at around the same time, though this is more coincidence, I would guess, since so did more than 3 million other people. Lee was born in 1938 and looks every one of his 67 years. You probably would to if YOU'D BEEN RESPONSIBLE FOR GASSING UP AMERICA FOR OVER A DECADE. He joined Exxon in 1963 and here are some astounding highlights from an amazing career:


  • President of Exxon Nuclear Company, Inc. in 1979

  • Executive vice president of Exxon Enterprises, 1981

  • Elected to the Board of Directors, 1984

  • President, Exxon Corp in 1987

  • Was President during the ExxonValdez 'minor oil transport accident' in Alaska

  • CEO and Chairman, Exxon Corp, 1993 where he remained through the Mobil merger and until his retirement
  • I know you'll all have a ton of questions for Lee so don't be bashful, email them to mcblogger@mcblogger.com so we can get those questions answered!

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    April 24, 2006

    Ask A... Kitten named Pickles, the sole survivor of Herr Doktor Bill 'Mengele' Frist's early education Finale

    Image hosting by Photobucket

    We introduced you to Pickles on the 18th and she's been busy reviewing and answering your extremely good questions. Well, some of them... the really insanely dumb ones we weeded out because really, there's enough dumb in the world. So, without further delay...

    If you were to run as a candidate for Florida as a Republcan do you feel that you could work with a Democratic candidate in Texas, Treaty Oak, to overcome the great problems we face in American with a fresh, cute perspective? KT; Austin

    Well, KT, I'm familiar with Treaty Oak's potential candidacy and can say that I think it would be great to work with someone of it's stature in the Congress. Granted, should it prove victorious against Cornyn, we'll be in different parties and chambers but I think we'll be able to work out any differences most amicably and really get to work on what's best for America, politics be damned. I also hope it'll rain acorns down on Frist.

    What advice would you give an up and coming med student who's aiming for a career in politics? JB; San Diego, CA
    JB: I think it's a great idea for medical professionals to move down a political path. My best advice would be to run when you see a crazed whacko with a scalpel moving toward you. My second best advice would be to not do illegal things. Like adopting animals from a shelter ostensibly for pets but really for medical experiments.
    Is pork REALLY the other white meat? TD; Austin, TX
    TD: Honestly, I don't know. I suppose it could be the 'other white meat' but pigs aren't the only animals whose flesh turns white after cooking. Many species of fish also have white meat. I wasn't really educated on this while I was being held captive under false pretenses by Senator Frist.

    We hope you'll join us again for another edition of Ask A...

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    April 18, 2006

    Ask A... Kitten named Pickles, the sole survivor of Herr Doktor Bill 'Mengele' Frist's early education

    Senator Bill Frist is well known for his rather unorthodox (read:psychotic) surgical experiments on cats he adopted from a shelter (by promising he'd care for them, natch) while he was in medical school.

    Image hosting by Photobucket We're lucky not only that he DIDN'T kill them all but that one of them is alive and well to answer YOUR questions. SO, please feel free to hit us up via mcblogger@mcblogger.com so we can forward your questions to Pickles. For those of you in need of a visual aid, here's a recent photo.

    Precious? Yes, but there is so much more to Pickles than good looks! Pickles was recently named Most Admired Cat by the readers of Cat Fancy and is considered by many to be the leading candidate to replace Florida Representative Katherine Harris when she loses her bid to defeat Senator Bill Nelson.

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    April 01, 2006

    Ask A ... Very drunk and extremely belligerent Tom DeLay

    This represents a first for us here at McBlogger, celebrity (former and current) Q&A's where YOU get to ask the questions. Our first celebrity comes to us from Government, specifically the US Congress. Tom DeLay has represented the 22nd Congressional District of Texas since 1980-something and is best known for his work with Jack Abramoff and Mikey Scanlon, as well as his tireless efforts to keep bringing back the pork to his home in the district, Sugar Land, TX.

    Tom Delay - My girlfriend and I have been having some problems recently and just seem to do nothing but argue. Can you offer any advice? Jack; Terre Haute, IN

    Image hosting by Photobucket

    Oh fuck, what a dumb as shit question. Get rid of the bitch you fucking pansy ass queer!

    Dear Tom - My oldest son refuses to do his homework and just laughs at me when I demand he do his chores. Any advice? Single Mom in Louisianna

    Image hosting by Photobucket

    Well, there's your problem... single mothers are usually whores. So, you're a whore. Boy's don't respect whores. The boy needs a father so if you don't want me to have the FBI hunt you down just to bring you back to me in Washington so I can slap you around, you'll be getting married soon.

    Congressman DeLay - My best friend told me the other day that ask too many questions. Can you believe that? Kathy; San Francisco

    Image hosting by Photobucket

    Yes. Next question.

    Hey! So how's life without the expensive trips? Sam; Austin, TX

    Image hosting by Photobucket

    How's life? Fucking prick... what do you want me to say? 'I hate it'? NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. Oh, and Sam... when I'm re-elected this year I'm going to pay you a visit.

    At this point Representative DeLay assaulted a waitress so we had to break away from our Q&A. We hope you enjoyed this edition of Ask A...


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