June 02, 2009

Fashion! A few (mercifully) brief thoughts

It took me 20 whole minutes, but I went through the June/July 2009 issue of Details which appeared in my mailbox Monday afternoon. My notes...

1) Skinny Jeans. We discussed this THREE YEARS AGO and, according to Details, they are still essential to any mans wardrobe. Except that most (but not all) of the people I know who wear them are, well, kinda detestable d-bags. With chicken legs. Just sayin'.

One other thing regarding tight pants... some of you people stink. And you KNOW what I'm talking about. Wearing these too tight jeans will make your cock and balls smell like gorgonzola. Too much sweat and too little air are a 'scrip for a disastrous sexual experience in which I leave, while screaming that your junk smells like the cheese counter at Whole Foods.

2) Madras. Seriously? FUCKING MADRAS? Why is it that every summer the fashionists tell us that madras is coming back? Did it go some where? I've had a pair of madras shorts every single summer since I'm 2, even though I only wear them occasionally now. It's a classic. It doesn't go away and it wasn't recently 'rediscovered' by Gitman Bros. Fuckers saw me wearing a pair from the Gap.

3) Seersucker. See #2 except this time it's not Gitman but Etro and Hickey Freeman (love your suits, but your cas shit is, well, shit).

4) Gingham. Well, you got me there. And they are right, avoid the blue and the red like the goddamn plague lest you look like you're running up your own shirts from tablecloths.

5) White suits (pg 52). Oh, motherfucker. And why the hell is the cut around the torso so extreme... it's putting less of an emphasis on the taper from the shoulders to the waist and accentuating the womanly hips some of those guys have. Which I guess is nice if you want to look like the kind of guy who can shit out a nine pound kid and be back at work the next day.

6) Backpacks. Whadup, yo.

7) Remember trashcan punch? The noxious mix of High C, Vodka, Everclear and fruit chunks served in a giant stainless vat at high school and college parties? Apparently, it's back but dressed up by a real bartender (not that creepy guy whose older brother could score the booze), served in a carafe and made with more top shelf fare.

But, sadly, it still tastes like punch though maybe not as corn syrupy. I'll leave this for the 'summer is all about blender drinks' crowd and stick with G&T which I'll be switching to in a few short days.

Embarrassingly, I will admit that I subscribe. After this, though, I won't be renewing.


Posted by mcblogger at June 2, 2009 11:29 AM

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