April 27, 2009

Vote For Meh

{Being Mayor McSleaze's minority report on the mayoral endorsement}

Can it be that after enduring this endlessly uninteresting mayoral race since last fall we're likely doomed to an even less exciting runoff between two of the three carbon-based lifeforms mentioned below? O how sweet instead wouldst Death's kiss be!

Carole (Insert last name of your choice here) For Austin? Having gained a lap on the Mayan calender, the former Austin mayor is trying to bring on the End Of Days by getting her old job back. Or maybe, just as she used every political office won in her long career as a stepping stone for something else, now that she's on the failure side of her political trajectory she's aiming to someday become chief lawn nazi for some homeowners' association. Those are the two theories I've entertained as to why the woman we all knew as Ms Piggy back in the days that our fair city was the hippest burg on the planet is running. Of course if you dig into the history of that time it's pretty easy to unearth the evidence of how hard Carole fought to deweird Austin back then. Especially memorable was her holy war to destroy the epicenter of the hippie-cosmic cowboy scene, the Armadillo World Headquarters. Palsy the hand that votes for this woman!

That brings us to Brewster McCracken and Lee Leffingwell, the remaining members of this triumvirate of tedium. Honestly, I don't see any reason to recommend one over the other. McCracken has been on the council for two terms; Leffingwell was re-elected last year after first winning a seat in 2005. They're both part of Austin's barely functional, hardly representative municipal structure. Neither offers a dramatic new vision for the direction of the city; just the usual civic-minded boilerplate that gets recycled every time there's a fresh round of elections. They both opposed the charter amendments proposed several years ago which would have opened the workings of city government to public scrutiny. And this past February they both boldly decided to postpone deciding about the Wildflower Commons project. Unlike McCracken, Leffingwell is said to favor single-member districts; I'll believe it's for real when it happens.

To be sure, Leffingwell has managed to win the endorsements of just about all the city employees unions and the Democratic clubs, while McCracken has found himself as popular as the guy wearing a Leon Trotsky t-shirt at Stalin's birthday party. Of course, he (McCracken) did win most of those clubs' endorsements running for re-election in 2006. Maybe he pissed in Jeff Jacks' latte since then. And what of these clubs, anyway? A few, it is true are somewhat active and can turn out a few of their membership to work for candidates. And then there are groups like Southwest Austin Democrats, which exists to stroke the ego of Albert Gonzales, the would-be Caudillo of Oak Hill. For the most part they lead harmless enough existences not unlike seventeen-year cicadas, which emerge only to reproduce and start another cycle of life. Likewise the cycle of endorsements and collection of membership dues.

This has been an awful election with no real issues. The logical end to a city whose citizenry gets more concerned over plans to cut down a few trees than they do about the bums panhandling at every major intersection. McCracken or Leffingwell? I don't gve a flying fuck.

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at April 27, 2009 12:09 PM

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