January 30, 2009

Cap'n Kroc, you ignorant slut.

Where to begin? I'm so pissed off that I feel compelled to use enumerated points...

1. First off, buddy, your storied franchise shares a bloodline with the Cardinals. Both teams have plenty of sad sack franchise history. (See, e.g. Steelers pre-1972 and most of the 80s) So come the hell down from your high horse.

2. ...Or should that be high zebra? Because let's be honest, if it weren't for the black and white bailing out the black and gold at every critical juncture, the Rooneys would be in the same boat as the Bidwills. The Immaculate Reception, the "tripping" call on Benny Barnes in Super Bowl XIII, Mike Renfro's unscored touchdown catch in the 1980 AFC Championship game, and the entirety of Super Bowl XL - you don't win ANY of these games without some pretty shameless and heavyhanded help from the refs. Forget Bradshaw, Swann, Greene, Lambert, Roethlisberger and Ward. The REAL heroes of the Steeler franchise are guys like Fred Swearingen and Bill Leavy. Can't wait to see what bullshit call your henchmen come up with THIS year to keep propping up the legend.

3. You forgot a few important names besides Conrad Dobler. Men like Jim Hart, Ottis Anderson, Terry Metcalf, Dan Dierdorf, Mel Gray, Roger Wehrli...I think you get my point.

4. Here's one more: Pat Tillman.

5. Pierogies, schmierogies - you know who has even BETTER pierogies than Pittsburgh? Chicago, that's who - ORIGINAL HOME OF THE CARDINALS, BABY. This is the year for Chicago's favorite sons: Obama and the Cardinals. I'll bet Gramma Balczak's pierogies on that and skip 6 through 10 so I can end on....

11. Larry Fitzgerald, bitches. Larry Fitzgerald.

Posted by hbalczak at January 30, 2009 10:03 AM

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