John McCain and Barack Obama briefly suspended their campaigns because a hurricane stuck the Gulf Coast. Fine and dandy. Granted, even someone as full of Everclear as me might think it might be tacky to campaign in the midst of a disaster that will destroy homes and cause massive loss of life.

Now, he wants to suspend his campaign because of the crisis on Wall Street. Is anybody fucking dying? Are the folks o'er at Goldman Sachs jumping out of windows and splattering down on the pavement? Is there any loss of life? Granted, there is a massive-ass loss of homes and jobs, but that's never stopped John McCain before. He campaigned throughout the whole damned foreclosure crisis, and has sat as idle as an ass wart on a pig while millions of American jobs were lost throughout this administration.

The other reason it is pretty stupid that McCain is suspending his campaign is because one of his own dumb-assed advisers helped cause the current crisis--that giant sack of shit-filled haggis called Phil Gramm who we in Texas had the unfortunate distinction of having as our Senator for longer than even God cares to remember.

Who in the Christ is advising John McCain to suspend his campaign? Did he get Bristol Palin to ask her Magic 8-Ball and make his decision based upon that?

If I were McCain, and thank Lord Jesus and Saint Patrick I am not although I'd like to have 13 cars and a wife who can get her hands on large stashes of Vicodin any time she wants, I'd be out on the damned campaign tail milking this shit for all it is worth.

Oh, wait. Damn it! McCain can't really milk it for all its worth, can he? Because he sat on his ass in the Senate for years sopping up the sweat off W's ballsack and voting for whatever the Republican Party wanted.

Now, for Barack Obama. If I were him, I'd tell John McCain and his suspension to go straight to Hell without the benefit of a Rosary or the Last Rites. I'd be on the campaign trail and blaming every economic problem our country has on Bush and John McCain.

Yes, go to the Senate, debate, cast your votes, attend your committee hearings, but keep your ass on the campaign trail, boyo. Shit, steal the spotlight from the bastard GOP administration and come up with your own economic plan to fix this hellish mess.