August 05, 2008

I’m not fooling around here

You guys have pissed me off. Here I was at my cousin Louie’s house finishing a great veal scaloppini by his old lady – I mean her cooking is hard-on great – and ready to down a couple of cannoli when the boss calls. When the boss rings you during supper, you know it ain’t good.

He says he’s got a problem in Texas. That’s my cue to pack the bags and go on a trip. Texas? What the hell. Who goes to that place anymore? He hears on the grapevine that some blog run by some nancy boys is going on strike to raise 100 G’s for some hillbilly politician called Jim Bob or Bubba Joe or some Walton family wet dream name, and a lady who is Michael Bolton’s daughter.

Well, it’s really less a problem and more the boss wants to go legit. He’s been keeping track of these mega churches’ televangelists who get the rubes all riled up about gays, Jews, and immigrants, and they give these guys millions so Jesus will save them from the fiery pit. The boss calls it prosperity theology. This could be good for the boss since he can be very persuasive.

So he sees this opportunity to take over this established blog and start influencing readers. Oh yeah, and have the 100G’s donated to the cause. That’s where I come in. Hey, don’t think I’m just some stupid gumba. I know my way around a website. Back in the day, we twisted some arms till they saw the light, but we now take a kinder and gentler approach – unless. Fair warning

They’ll be calling me a scab. So what? The ex used to call me worse even when I was slipping her the one-eyed jack. When I’m done with you guys, you’ll finally have grown a pair. So start handing over the protection money, uh, I mean donations. We have plans.

Posted by SCAB at August 5, 2008 10:58 PM

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