August 06, 2008

Hi, my name is Rose Petal

I work in the call center for Amalgamated. We can be twitter buddies. Everybody already calls me Twit.

My team leader, who is a hairy knob, must have found out about my commenting on Taylor Swift’s MySpace. I go by the name Rose Petal. Taylor is so cool. I wish I was her. I’m always sending her poems, books, a lock of my hair, and one time, my dead pet mouse. Oh, oh, oh, I snuck backstage at her concert and was able to touch her when she walked by. Seriously, it was only a small bruise. The papers made such a big deal out of it.

One day, I was handed something that said restraining order. I don’t know what that is, but I framed it, pricked my finger and spread blood over it, and put it in my special closest.

Anyway, the team leader motions me to his cubicle. He thinks he’s all that because he has a plant on top of his desk and an autographed picture of some freaky guy named Carrot Top. I’m already thinking what I’m going to say at the temp agency, but instead of firing me, he wants me to post stuff on this political blog in Texas called McBlogger. Gross! Why couldn’t they have called it McTacoBell?

I’ve heard of Obama. He’s kinda cute, but I thought he just beat some old lady for president. Now, they’re telling me that he’s against somebody called John McCain. The guy in Live Free or Die Hard? That guy is a little creepy.

Oh my God. Jeannette, who sits beside me, just showed me a picture of the real John McCain. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. You can’t be serious. He looks like the old dudes at the nursing home where Great Granny lives. They’re always pooping and wetting themselves.

So call me. We can share my new ring tone of Fergie’s new song. I think she’s a nice person and I bet we could sit down in the park and talk about clothes and stuff. Maybe, I’ll comment on her MySpace.

Posted by SCAB at August 6, 2008 06:15 PM

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