April 14, 2008

Loving the girls from NYC

I don't know if it's just me, but I wasn't really feeling The Real Housewives of NYC. McBlogger asked me to post about it, but I was hesitant. Not because I have developed better taste in TV, but because I found it boring. Perhaps I was too loyal to my little plastic angels of the OC. Then I watched last week's episode. You know, the one with the girl's night out. Yikes. Now I can't believe we only have one episode left. Just when things were starting to get good! For those of you who haven't seen it, you simply must. Bravo is all the time running marathons, just catch one and watch the entire season. You know you have the time. Here's a rundown on the characters to give you a little more incentive...

Jill. It is a good thing that she knows that she is not deep. She is a walking, talking kiddie pool. However, the fact that she owns it made me kinda like her. She has had some of the funniest observations. Yes, obnoxious yet endearing. But what gives with the fucking dog? Does it ever occur to Jill that she is feeding steak to vermin in a designer dog collar?? Seriously, the pint sized monstrosity reminds me of that urban legend. That may be her only flaw.
Well, that and the petty crap with Ramona. First with the cooking party. She should have greeted that situation with relief. The tennis payback was hilarious. Yet she spoiled her advantage by acting like a baby at the fashion show when Ramona got a better seat. She should have stayed and had fun with her gay.

Betthany. Is it just me or does one have to have a husband and/or kid to be a housewife?? Anyway, she seems nice, but, Oy! With the crying. I can not quite figure out, how in the world of reality TV, someone with so many issues can be so boring. She eats/sleeps/breathes her boyfriend, Jason, who I imagine is just frightened of being filleted by her sharp jaw and served in some appetizers. She earned extra points with the sloppy, slurred ultimatum to move in together. Hard to guess why he passed.

Ramona. You know the Bravo casting department was creaming itself when they interviewed this lunatic. Basically her emotions range from fucking insane to unrelentingly deranged. She dresses inappropriately and embarrasses the daughter, Avery. Yep, that little whipper-snapper better look alive and pick a vocation. She is 12 so, you know, tick-tock. How could that little ingrate turn down a life hawking religious jewelry? Kids today!? Anyway, Ramona was great at the girl's night out party at Jill's. I mean, holy fuck, way to have a meltdown. Everyone has been to parties where there was somebody that they did not like. You suck it up! I have found that scotch helps considerably. Anyway, she must know she threw a nutty because she recited an obviously questionable explanation to Betthany. Yes, there is no way to hide her crazy. In fact, she really needs to stay away from the dermatologist. She looks red and chafed. I would not be surprised if by next season the tip of her nose has turned black and begun to fall off.

LuAnn. Or shall I say Mrs. deLesseps?? Or possibly 4th Countess of who gives a shit?? Apart from a few remarks she seems the most sane. Which is like being the smartest kid in special ed. She wears her entitlement as effortlessly as Ramona wears her crazy. And Betthany wears her desperation. It is a good thing LuAnn treasures the title of Countess, because she won't be receiving mother of the year. She treats her children like pets. I would not be surprised if, in the future, LuAnn's Mother's Day flowers find their way to Rosanna's doorstep. Overall she has conducted herself with the minimum of regrettable actions. She seems to mostly just revel in the insanity around her. Although, she could use some work on her tact. On girl's night, she might as well have told Ramona that she did not have any class. The conversation was so transparent that even Jill's dog knew what she
was getting at. Not that I don't agree with her, but she really didn't need to be so obvious.

Alex/Simon. Because they are the same person. No, really. Why would they want to expose themselves as the blatant social climbing poseurs that they are? I don't know. It's truly amazing that they don't suffocate in the huge dog fart of pretension that surrounds them. Perhaps it is because the foul stench permeates even the vast emptiness where their souls should reside. What moral guideposts they are for their two boys. Instead of the golden rule, they can learn how to value others based on what they can do for you... and their possessions (never forget to take a moment to covet). Oh, and something tells me Francois is not a genius. He is just a kid with a built-in high school beat down because of that stupid name. Anyway, they mingled and schemed through this season, but my favorite was girl's night. A concept which puzzled Alex. Let me settle things for those as alarmingly infantile as Alex. Girl's night means 'no men'. Basically, it means no dicks, no matter how minuscule your husband's endowment happens to be. Bring Simon to a girl's night?? Hello?? I totally cracked up when upon hearing the plans, Simon
stretched all reason in order to attend. "It would be strange now if I didn't go." Uh, no Simon. It's fucking strange that you would want to be the only man at a women's dinner party. Oh wait. Maybe Simon thought that after everyone finished eating, they might let him sniff their butts.

Finally, and just a minor point, but WHO THE HELL GOES TO THE CARIBBEAN IN AUGUST?!?!?!?!?! Jill NAILED this when they were at dinner. Next season I'll give anyone 10:1 that Jill figures them out first.

Anyway, I just want to post a reminder to tune into the season finale Tuesday night. That is, if you don't have anything more fun to do. Like a colonoscopy.

Posted by barfly at April 14, 2008 09:55 AM

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Comments

I couldn't love this post more if it was a Hot Pocket.

Posted by: Mayor McSleaze [TypeKey Profile Page] at April 17, 2008 11:05 AM

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