January 24, 2008

Huckabee Wins Presidency

Fighting off avatars of monstrous flying beasts, an army of Pee Wee Herman clones, and a zombified Gypsy Rose Lee, Hope, Arkansas’ favorite dominionist wins the Second Life presidential race.

The outcome was still in doubt until Mike Huckabee beat back a late surge by Lee Mercer, who in typical fashion was confused by the results and started giving a victory speech, only to be stopped when an irate Al Sharpton tasered him.

Said Sharpton, “Good Lord, the man was setting back the civil rights movement 50 years, and was spouting more nonsense than me on my best days.”

The president-elect, who had been trailing Ron Paul early until the residents in this bizarre world figured out that Paul was even crazier than them, was holding his victory celebration in the five million square foot super mega-church built by San Antonio’s own dominionist, John Hagee.

His Vice-President running mate, resurrected poltergeist James Stockdale, was nowhere to be seen, but word filtered to Huckabee that Stockdale was still in mortal combat with Dungeon and Dragons aficionado Clement Manor.

Several months ago, Manor had tried to use the Paralytic Poison from Astral Stalker to force Huckabee to deplete his SL teleporting skills. In some quirk of cosmic dustup, the strategy interfaced with Second Life’s operating system, pulling the deceased Stockdale, whose afterlife was spent sailing his yacht with Playboy bunnies in a very calm and peaceful Gulf of Tonkin, through a dimensional rift. Needless to say, Stockdale was livid, and swore vengeance on Manor.

In his first speech since winning, Huckabee, who declared that his ulterior motive for winning was to cause an apocalyptic ending to Second Life, was cheered by all out-worlders who have grown increasingly hostile to this wasteful human endeavor.

Not to be outdone, a revived Mercer, said, “Scrumpdelicious attribution from protective regulate the giving of enforcement of exact moment of equivalent regarding federal autobiography through certification…..”

He was then vaporized.

Michael Bloomberg, along with running mate Mary Carey, had created a parallel candidacy with the slogan, “Bi-partisan and unity for bi-partisan and unity sake with emphasis on bi-partisan and unity… oh, and change too.”

However, the liaisons of community standards for SL invoked the “Big Six” rule on Carey who on campaign stops would clap twice and say “Strap-on, strap-off”, and then proceed to demonstrate the act. A bit of a rile developed from a great number of male residences who had marked hard core porn as their number one interest during the SL login process.

Posted by Captain Kroc at January 24, 2008 08:42 PM

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Comments

>>>Not to be outdone, a revived Mercer, said, “Scrumpdelicious attribution from protective regulate the giving of enforcement of exact moment of equivalent regarding federal autobiography through certification…..”

Sheer comedic genius!

Posted by: mcblogger [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 25, 2008 10:20 AM

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