August 24, 2007

Immigrant bashing

I made it from Mopac and CapTex to Mesa and Steck today in 35 minutes. Not particularly impressive unless you realize that I started the journey at 5:16.

I know, I know... you want the details. You're not getting them. I will, however, be signing autographs later. Who wouldn't want the autograph of the FASTEST HUMAN ALIVE?

All this driving made me realize that Austin has a massive immigration problem and we have to fix it. All these awful foreigners driving badly on our streets and freeways are creating massive problems for all of us who want to maintain the quality of life that makes Austin special. That means we need immigration restrictions on these people. No, I'm not talking about those from south of the border. I like them. They usually drive OK and are generally pretty cool. They fit right in. It's the people from the rest of the US that piss me off.

We have to make sure that people immigrating from another part of the US understand how Austin works. Either that or we need to adopt a nativist attitude and force them to move back from where they came. I don't want anyone to have to suffer the way I did trying to catch the flyway to MoPac from 183 and being cut off by some dick in a green pick up with South Carolina plates.

It's not just the traffic, it's the jobs. Yes, even now, people from California or some place called 'Iowa' are stealing jobs that rightfully belong to neckbeards wearing Birks who have a cool dump in 78704. Now that I mention it, are there any cool dumps in 78704 or have they all been converted to fab new palaces for the recent arrivals who want travertine and granite covering every surface and demand exotic things like central air and heat? Do I really NEED another neighbor from Colorado? We've already lost Hyde Park to a non-Austinite ghetto. Must we lose Great Hills? Allandale? Northwest Hills? Westgate? Tarrytown?

The madness has to stop. Our infrastructure can't afford these newcomers and their bad driving. Our prosperity depends on Austinites being able to obtain jobs far outside their realm of competence and for which they will always be late and leave early. How the hell is a recent grad supposed to compete against some starving immigrant from Ohio who shows up to work early and leaves late?

And no, I don't want to discuss how hot it is. Look at a map. It's Texas. It's August. Go back to Maine if you're that miserable. We'll all be better off without your Subaru with the Kucinich stickers on MoPac.

Posted by mcblogger at August 24, 2007 08:06 AM

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This should have started about 20 years ago!

Sadly, though, you'll probably have to include a non-Travis County Texan annual quota as well. I'm in Denton and way back when I gradumuated from hi skool in 199x, half the senior class drove, rode the bus or hitched their way to Austin not for school, but because it was...well...Austin. Most importantly, it wasn't Denton.

How long before we see laser-shooting alligators in the South San Gabriel?

Posted by: Bubba Fett [TypeKey Profile Page] at August 24, 2007 11:51 AM

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