June 03, 2007

Breaking news from the Bilderberg Conference

Reliable sources have confirmed that the Bilderberg Conference is just the start of a whirlwind tour for Texas Governor Rick Perry. On Monday, he is slated for an appearance in Bangkok where he will named as an associate member for the Trilateral Commission. The board will present him an infant purchased from the black market in the Klong Toey slum. A Perry spokesperson has denied rumors that sacrifice is on the table.

Later in the week, Perry will travel to an undisclosed island off the coast of Greece to receive a lifetime achievement award from the Illuminati.

But it doesn’t end there. After the ceremony he will be spirited to a deep underground cavern beneath Epcot Center in Orlando to advise Walt Disney’s brain and Dick Nixon’s head as they try to overcome personal challenges that prevented them from world domination through the use of the BOB FM radio format. As of Friday, the stock was slightly up from a 52 week low in light trading.

A leak from a mole deep in the organization states that the reason for failure might have been the overuse of half durations of bass used during the bridge section of the song “Afternoon Delight” by the Starlight Vocal Band. The source goes on to claim that at this time other radio networks have not been affected, and that it is still ok to keep listening to the song on your old K-Tel albums.

It should be noted that the source of the leak is an actual mole, and a distant cousin of Mickey Mouse. However, when you think of moles in the Disney Empire, think of the oompa-loompas in The Chocolate Factory – there are thousands of them and detection from authorities is almost non-existence.

In related news, Rupert Murdoch has started an exploratory committee to gauge interest in running for world dictator.

Posted by Captain Kroc at June 3, 2007 03:20 PM

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