June 02, 2007

America's Got (NO) Talent

NBC has decided to rip off American Idol by creating their own show that will feature nothing but talentless cretins so starved for attention that they are willing to humiliate themselves on live TV. The only redeeming factor that I can find to make what I'm sure will be an absolute nightmare of a show not quite as awful as AI is that this one allows ANY kind of talent. Juggling? Sure. Playing the squeezebox? You bet. Miming? Uh huh.

Wait, did I write 'not quite as awful as'? Upon reflection, allow me to revise to 'as bad as if not infinitely worse than'. I'm talking end of the world kinda bad. The kind of bad that allows demons from some hitherto unknown dimension to come forth and wreck havoc on the world. Locusts swarming everything. Nuclear bombs going off over cities. Basically the worst parts of the Bible, as Billy Bob Thornton advised the President in Armageddon. It will no doubt make Bill Paxton scream 'Game over, man! Game over!' which, while it may provide a laugh, won't stop the inevitable destruction of all that we know and cherish.

You'll probably die, too.

Are we so starved for 'media personalities' that we have to keep raiding the British isles for them? Wasn't Simon Cowell enough? Why do we need Sharron Osborne (who's only claim to fame is marrying Ozzy) and some other English douche who may or may not have been the asshole that spit at me the last time I was in NYC?

The third judge? DAVID 'I'm HUGE in Germany' HASSELHOFF?!??! He's qualified to evaluate someone's level of talent? Because he drove a talking car and played second fiddle to Pamela Anderson's baby voice and boobs (mostly her boobs)?

NBC... ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME WITH THIS SHIT? I'd be fine if you just reran episodes of 30 Rock and The Office. Over and over again. PLEASE DON'T DO THIS TO AMERICA!

Posted by mcblogger at June 2, 2007 11:56 AM

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Pamela Anderson has a voice?

Posted by: Mayor McSleaze [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 2, 2007 12:30 PM

I keep forgetting str8 boys go deaf and dumb when boobs are present.

Posted by: mcblogger [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 2, 2007 02:28 PM

It's not our fault. The drool reflex is innate.

Posted by: Mayor McSleaze [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 2, 2007 03:20 PM

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