April 13, 2007

Goodbye Anna Nicole, or, More booze for the rest of us

I once thought blogging anything about Anna Nicole Smith was beneath me. McBlogger does not agree. I guess once you admit to religiously watching Britney Spears' 'Chaotic', you pretty much lose any ability to claim that your tastes are more refined. So with all the paternity hullabaloo coming to end, I think it is time to say farewell to the gold digging, baby voiced train wreck that was Anna Nicole Smith.

When I heard Anna died, it did not really surprise me. Anyone who watched her 2002-2004 reality show on E! had to know that it was a complete tick-tock situation. Don't get me wrong, I was a huge fan of the show! Never missed an episode! I confess I watched in glassy eyed fascination as she wallowed on the couch whining for a pickle while her tooth less cousin cased the grounds outside. The Christmas special was my favorite, but I have a special place in my heart for every moment. Well... maybe not the moments with Bobby Trendy. He was/is so
fucking gross! With that one exception, it is fair to say that I was totally addicted! In fact, I once even had a guy tape an episode that I was going to miss. He later called to tell me to throw away the tape. Apparently, the tape he had given me had porn on it. Not that I cared. However, how fucking pathetic are you that you can't just buy porn on DVD like everyone else? Taping late night Skinemax is beyond lame!

Anyway, my point is anyone who watched the show knows that there was no fucking way Howard Stern was the father of Dannielynn. ( Which, by the way, is an awful name. Could nobody get the damn woman a book of baby names? She was barely coherent sober and she is naming a human being! For shame!) During the taping of
the show one could clearly observe that she was heavily under the influence. A diet of pickles and pills will do that to you (I like to follow a more sensible diet of Scotch and cigarettes). Even in that condition, it was obvious that Anna had zero desire to fuck Mr Stern. And, if memory serves, she was very open to any options. I think at one point she even took to humping the furniture. Anyone could tell that Howard was there to make sure life ran smoothly for Anna. His daily tasks probably included everything from reviewing endorsement offers to
fetching a fried twinkie. There was no passion there. Case closed.

So DNA has proved that Larry Birkhead is the dad and he seems pretty happy about it.I don't really know why, but whatever. I hope that pretty much wraps it up. I mean how much coverage does Anna Nicole Smith's death/paternity suit really deserve? And, please media outlets, for the love of all that is holy, stop comparing Anna to
Marilyn Monroe! I am talking to you, Entertainment Tonight! Besides blonde hair, big boobs, and Playboy, the two had very little in common. It is really an insult to Marilyn Monroe's memory if you ask me.


Check this out when you have some time
. I think it says goodbye to Anna Nicole Smith with all the dignity she deserves.

Posted by barfly at April 13, 2007 11:17 AM

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