March 16, 2007

Thanks for coming, y'all!

It's always great having so many foreigners in town for SXSW. As always, we're THRILLED about going through downtown and not being able to get a call through (or even send a fucking email) because 10,000 jackasses are 'checking in with the coast'. Seriously, from the bottom of my heart, it rocks to have y'all here. We're thinking next year there will finally be a critical mass of coastal dicks that will create a black hole of pretension from which no douche will escape.

Until then, here are a few helpful hints...

  • 1) When you see me driving, get out of the way. When a light is green pedestrians become invisible. I'm cool like that. I usually don't see them when it's yellow either.

  • 2) Don't get all pissy when the bartender asks you how to make a cuba libre. It's not that we're a bunch of hicks, it's that we just call it a rum and coke with lime and think it's funny watching your ass act all upset and frustrated. Plus, some of you don't know what's in a cuba libre which is WAY funny to us.

  • 3) Yes, there are tons of great restaurants in Austin. However, I'd really like it if you stuck to those on Congress. Real people who, you know, live here, eat at the rest of them. SoCo is your domain. You can have Guerro's for now.

  • 4) No one here realizes how important you are. SO, you should act bored, put out and extremely irritated by everything. Talk in depth about what a hole Austin is compared to LA. It helps us understand that you are better than us. Don't get upset when someone takes your BlackBerry from you and hits you in the face with it. That's how Austinites say 'Hello'.

  • 5) DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REMOVE LESLIE. HE'S OUR FAVORITE TRANNY AND WE'RE KEEPING HIM. WE'LL CUT A MOTHERFUCKER SO DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT SHOPLIFTING HIM
  • Now, would you mind leaving? Oh, we understand that you've made the hotels and bars and 'services' happy, but it's time for you to move on.

    Posted by mcblogger at March 16, 2007 04:52 PM

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    Comments

    Pink Dome is so jealous of you right now.

    Posted by: PDiddie [TypeKey Profile Page] at March 17, 2007 10:25 AM

    Why would PD be jealous of me? He gets laid way more than I:)

    Posted by: mcblogger [TypeKey Profile Page] at March 17, 2007 02:08 PM

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