February 05, 2007
Baby showers are the new suck
Tammy Wynette was right when she sang that sometimes it's hard to be a woman. You guys gets a total fucking free skate when it comes to one of life's true horrors, the baby shower! Now, I think I am just as girly as some women. I like high heels, cosmetics, Steel Magnolias, etc. However, I would rather take a strong beating
than attend a wedding or baby shower. Yeah, I like to celebrate my friends life choices, but can I send the gift by mail? I will spend more on it if it absolves me from attending. WTF could it hurt?
Until recently, I hadn't gone to one of these estrogen festivals since 1996. However, the preggers in question is a great friend with whom I once danced drunk in a cage. I can remember with great nostalgia her first girl fight where she introduced a girls face to the side of a Chevrolet truck. Oh the memories! So I felt obligated to attend. My best friend was invited as well but she had the flu. Lucky bitch. So I was solo as I stumbled around land mines, otherwise known as 'friends from high school'. A couple were cool. However, the vast majority were not. I came to the conclusion that when asked 'So, where are you living now?' , I will respond with 'Why? Are you coming over?'. Women are too fucking nosy. I'm sorry, I never ask those idiotic questions. I just don't fucking care. Oh, and if I get asked 'So, sell any houses lately?', I'm going to stab that motherfucker in the eye with an ice pick. I am going to carry one solely for that purpose.
Anyway, my friend got a lot of crap and I guess that is what really matters (drinks sure as hell didn't... there wasn't a drop to be found). I just wish she could have received her loot without having to listen to the reasons that something called Butt Paste totally rocks. I am just not part of that club (nor am I part of the 'I'm pregnant and not drinking' club. However, it did get me thinking. If I was ever to find myself in that position, how would I handle it? One can never be certain of such things, but I think this is what the invitations would look like.
Posted by barfly at February 5, 2007 06:47 PM
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