September 27, 2006
Feeling Minnesota
(I wrote this late Monday... sorry about the delay in posting. Getoverit.com)
Oh, I like you wouldn't believe. My day started early... breakfast with my boss, a trip to orientation (hello, diversity training... it's been soooo long since last we met. So good to know that my addition to the organization is going to make y'all look even better!), then a trip to the Maul of America (which sucks, BTW... seriously, it's a goddamn mall... I expected that damn thing to be made out of gold and for it to
shower you with candy and gifts). Needless to say, it did not live up to expectations and it's only real impressive feature was it's size. By impressive I mean it TOOK FOR-FUCKING-EVER TO WALK THROUGH THE DAMN
THING. We had lunch at a place which shall remain nameless but featured rather mediocre food and abyssmal service. Even my boss, coworkers and our EVP were pissed and they picked the restaurant.
Then it was on to a meeting at our main office, actually a series of them. First there was the EVP, then the SVP. I'm starting to get the impression my new company is rather top heavy with management. Still, they must be doing something right as everyone looks very prosperous. Very Prosperous.
Finally, I finished the day back at MSP waiting for my plane. I even ate at Subway which wasn't nearly as gross as I'd imagined it would be due to the use of bread that didn't suck, lots of cheese and cautioning the sandwich technician to LAY OFF THE MAYO. I then went shopping, a tedious
experience in an airport and picked up a snowglobe FILLED to the brim with water and a bottle of water which the asshole who scanned my boarding pass told me I had to throw away. Why? I asked as well.
See, when I bought the water and the snowglobe I asked the salesperson if I would have a problem with it. He said, and I quote, "No, as long as you buy it in the terminal you'll be OK". However, GateKeeper SuckAss told
me that TSA's ban was still in effect... UNTIL TO-FUCKING-MORROW. I asked if it would be OK, if he'd look the other way if I stowed it in my carry on. He told me no, that if I did that he'd have to put me off the
plane. Dickhead. You know, it's not the money, it's the principal of the thing.
I've developed a new hatred for TSA and the teen's who work there. You guys suck ass. Nasty, smelly, unwashed ass that's crusted with cornshit. That's how I feel about you folks and your masters at Homeland Security. Because of you 'tards (liquid explosives... seriously, you people are dumber and more useless than a bag of hammers) you've made travel in this country a pain in the
ass. I actually had a fetus sitting at the x-ray machine chastise me for the fact that part of a cable from a transformer was hanging over the laptop and it made it difficult to see. It was the fucking tip and it covered less than 2% of the computer. I need some 'tard kid to tell me I didn't put my stuff in the plastic tray the right way? Yeah, much like I need a lobotomy... maybe I should have asked who performed his.
Curious, isn't it, that TSA now decides to lift the ban on liquids, gels, etc.? Couldn't have anything to do with the fact that Republican's are polling badly, could it? Yeah, I thought so... TSA is a joke. A huge, unfunny, stupid-uncle-with-bad-one-liner's kind of joke. I hope Democrats dismantle the whole stupid, frustrating, money wasting thing and fire the lot of them. Maybe then we can get back to being Americans and quit worrying about what terrorists may or may not do.
In the end, it all worked out OK... being back in Austin feels great and I gotta say I LOVE MY SNOWGLOBE.
Posted by mcblogger at September 27, 2006 01:33 AM
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Comments
I always think I've read your funniest post ever, and then I read something like this and I laugh so hard I hurt. This reminds me of when my daughter was 8 and the geniuses with TSA chose her out of all the suspicious people in line with us to do the special shoe test - ON HER LITTLE GIRL FLIP FLOPS. And, they did a long search of her kiddie carry on bag full of beanie babies. At least the skies were safe that day from the threat of a cute little 3rd grader.
Posted by: muse at September 27, 2006 06:36 AM
That sounds about like them...TSA. Oh, and I forgot one detail... as I stepped through the detector, the moron checking my boarding pass said I needed to empty my pockets. I told him I had and that I'd be fine. He then pointed at my right pocket and said "Then what's that?". I reached into my pocket and pulled out the only thing in there, cash. He told me I should put it on the conveyor. I told him I'd take my chances.
Idiots. They are all idiots.
Posted by: mcblogger at September 27, 2006 01:24 PM
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