August 22, 2006

Things that should not be left with Attorney General Greg Abbott

I'm sure you heard about the fact that Attorney General Greg Abbott lost evidence? No? Well, then you must have been reading the Star-Telegram which is just a small step above the Sister Ruth 'What's Happening In My Life' quarterly newsletter. I'm not saying it's a bad newspaper, I'm just saying there are better sources of news out there. Like a urinal wall.

Abbott, it turns out, lost some evidence in a Federal case and the Fed's aren't too pleased about that. It started me thinking, what else should we not entrust to Attorney General Greg Abbott's care?

  • Children - Attorney General Greg Abbott may seem like the perfect babysitter, but you'd be wrong. Attorney General Greg Abbott is easily distracted, much like a kitten, by shiny, dangling metal objects. Attorney General Greg Abbott is, quite simply, mesmerized by them and incapable of focusing on anything else in their presence. So, if you have wind chimes it's probably a bad idea to use Attorney General Greg Abbott as a babysitter.
  • Puppies - Attorney General Greg Abbott loves puppies. Specifically, Attorney General Greg Abbott loves to let them run and play. Should one of the puppies, while being watched by Attorney General Greg Abbott, meet with an unfortunate end (say, when they try to cross a busy road), Attorney General Greg Abbott will blame someone else even if Attorney General Greg Abbott is the only one responsible for the care of the puppies. At least that's what we heard.
  • Evidence - Attorney General Greg Abbott has a habit of losing evidence. It usually turns up again, much like these x-rays when someone turns Warren Chisum, passed out in a drunken stupor on the floor, over to find said evidence lying underneath the intoxicated legislator. However, Attorney General Greg Abbott does tend to misplace things and it's probably best that Attorney General Greg Abbott not be entrusted with much. It would probably also be a good idea if Attorney General Greg Abbott was disbarred.
  • This isn't, by any means, an exhaustive list of the things which should not be entrusted to Attorney General Greg Abbott so please, just because you don't see something here, don't assume that Attorney General Greg Abbott can be trusted to care for it.

    In fact, it would be best if you just didn't trust Attorney General Greg Abbott.

    Posted by mcblogger at August 22, 2006 02:10 AM

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    Comments

    I was all aboard the "let's dog Attorney General Greg Abbott" train until I read this involved a matter in U.S. District Judge Janis Graham Jack's court. It really galls me to have to admit this, but where she's concerned, there might just be two sides to the story. As for Attorney General Greg Abbott, you're totally on-point about being drawn to curious objects. That includes the yellow spongey nose of a certain popular children's aquatic cartoon character. Trust me on this one.

    Posted by: Harry Balczak at August 22, 2006 11:58 AM

    ewe. all I'm saying.

    Sometimes you even gross ME out, Harry!

    Posted by: mcblogger at August 22, 2006 12:30 PM

    Confession is the first step to repentance... James

    Posted by: James at November 21, 2006 05:05 PM

    Saying and doing are two things... Beatrice

    Posted by: Beatrice at November 29, 2006 04:35 PM

    Saying and doing are two things... Beatrice

    Posted by: Beatrice at November 29, 2006 04:35 PM

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