July 13, 2006

A cranky old man explains the Internets

just the other day got, an internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why?

Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the internet commercially.

The regulatory approach is wrong. Your approach is regulatory in the sense that it says "No one can charge anyone for massively invading this world of the internet". No, I'm not finished. I want people to understand my position, I'm not going to take a lot of time.

They want to deliver vast amounts of information over the internet. And again, the internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck.

It's a series of tubes.

The cranky old man has been identified as Senator Ted Stevens of Alaska. And his computer has been identified as. . .

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Univac. With tubes like those, no wonder his bandwidth is as clogged as his arteries.

And if you don't understand those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and its going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material.

I leave these: a box of mint-condition 1918 liberty-head silver dollars. You see, back in those days, rich men would ride around in Zeppelins, dropping coins on people, and one day I seen J. D. Rockefeller flying by. So I run of the house with a big washtub and? hey! Where are you going?

... Anyway, about my washtub. I?d just used it that morning to wash my turkey, which in those days was known as... a walking bird. We'd always have walking bird on Thanksgiving with all the trimmings: cranberries, injun eyes, yams stuffed with gunpowder. Then we'd all watch football, which in those days was called "baseball"

Now we have a separate Department of Defense internet now, did you know that?

Do you know why?

We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere - like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on em. 'Give me five bees for a quarter,you'd say.

Now where were we? Oh yeah - the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn?t have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...

Because they have to have theirs delivered immediately. They can't afford getting delayed by other people.

Now I think these people are arguing whether they should be able to dump all that stuff on the internet ought to consider if they should develop a system themselves.

Not many people know this, but I own the first radio in Springfield. Not much on the air then, just Edison reciting the alphabet over and over. 'A' he'd say. Then 'B'. 'C' would usually follow.

Maybe there is a place for a commercial net but it's not using what consumers use every day.

It's not using the messaging service that is essential to small businesses, to our operation of families.

Three wars back we called Sauerkraut "liberty cabbage" and we called liberty cabbage "super slaw" and back then a suitcase was known as a "Swedish lunch box." Of course, nobody knew that but me. Anyway, long story short... is a phrase whose origins are complicated and rambling...

The whole concept is that we should not go into this until someone shows that there is something that has been done that really is a viloation of net neutraility that hits you and me.

Posted by mayor mcsleaze at July 13, 2006 08:38 PM

Comments

Loves it!

Posted by: mcblogger at July 13, 2006 09:30 PM

This is the best Stevens post. By far.

Posted by: mcblogger at July 13, 2006 09:34 PM

LOL...can I use the F-word here?

That pic make that stupid statement way funnier than any where I have seen.

::clinks glasses of wine for you::

:)

Posted by: Shell at July 13, 2006 10:35 PM

The F word? You mean 'Fuck'? Fuck no. You can't say fuck here. It's just too over the fucking top.

Say anything you'd like, we sure as hell do!

Posted by: mcblogger at July 13, 2006 10:53 PM